Welcome to JUANuary!

I first off want to apologize that this is late, there was a National Championship game on last night that I watched, but don’t worry, the Bachelor was DVRed, so I will recap and give my thoughts on the episode.

If this is the first time you’re reading my blog, welcome πŸ™‚ I just feel the need to say that I truly am a nice person, in real life! This blog is a little snarky, and I’ll be honest, I do judge the girls (and Juan Pablo). I also realize that the producers and editing make their personalities more extreme because we’d never want to watch normal people going on dates, because that’d get boring quickly. I also realize that alcohol makes this show more interesting (if both the people on the show and the viewers are drinking :))

So with those disclaimers, let’s go buckle down and enjoy this whirlwind journey together!

Oh man, the awkward introduction to our Bachelor Juan Pablo. Of course he has to model and be shirtless 90% of the time. There is also some weird dancing on the side of the road…and we get to see his sports highlights awesome. How many times this season will we hear him refer to his daughter Camilla as his Valentine? I found it sweet the first time, it could get old quickly, if mentioned multiple times. Or maybe I’m just jealous that I’m not his Valentine, or that I was born a week after Valentine’s Day and just missed being a permanent Valentine. Oh the patented shot of the NICE car as it drives on a highway, a car they don’t have in real life, but get to play pretend with for a couple weeks.

Wow, Camilla’s mom and Juan Pablo must be good friends, if she allowed for her daughter to fly across the country for a few weeks to basically hang with her grandparents. I’m assuming that means that Camilla will get to meet the girls at some point?!?

I will say that it does seem that he’s a good dad. Camilla is at an age, where if he wasn’t around all the time, she could show resentment or be uncomfortable. However, she seems like a little girl that really looks up to her dad and loves him a lot.

Oh goody Sean is back to give advice, he also has to climb up a hill for an action sequence to make him appear cooler I guess….I hope he doesn’t break this swing-set that him and Camilla are on. Thank goodness he’s not on it that long! Now we get to hear awesome advice from Sean, who else can Juan Pablo call for advice? Considering the Bachelor’s don’t have the best luck on this show, and Sean and Catherine are getting married, he’s probably the best one for him to get advice from.

I do like that Juan Pablo doesn’t want to call it a journey! And we’re going with Juan Pablo’s adventure. Awesome, I’m glad Sean doesn’t regret kissing any of the other girls, that has to make Catherine feel wonderful. I enjoyed that Sean was talking about how not to get attached to one girl and have her in your final 3, because the girls are gonna do some crazy things and it’s easy to get swept into that (cough *TIERRA* cough). And he admitted that Catherine wasn’t on his radar until 3 or 4 weeks into “his journey.” I’m glad he didn’t re-write history and say that it was love at first sight. He also talked about how you can fall in love in the most beautiful place in the world, but what matters is when you’re back in the real world. That’s one of the most honest and realistic things we’ll hear on the show….alright let’s throw that out the window and meet the crazies!

Oh, I have to mention the thing that made me LAUGH OUT LOUD at Sunday’s special with Juan Pablo’s family, was when some of his girl family members, I think they were cousins, were laughing about how many girls were out there practicing Spanish so they could try and impress Juan Pablo with the Spanish they know, only though they are learning really basic phrases. Then they showed clips of a handful of the Bachelorettes doing just that. Women know other women!

What’s with Chelsie hiding in the sunflowers? She seems sweet enough and is practicing her Spanish πŸ™‚

Renee’s son is super cute, Ben and he’s 8 years old. I think Renee should be happy that they’re both from FL, so she wouldn’t have to move too far away from where she lives now.

Andi was one of my favorites from just looking at ABC.com, but I gotta say her intro package with her being all badass in the courtroom actually has me rolling my eyes more than cheering for her.

K, so Amy’s intro is SUPER AWKWARD! First off all riding up on the bike and introducing herself, she’s not a Mouseketeer, she doesn’t need to do it quite that way. Also, she has rather unfortunate bangs (I can say that, because when I cut my bangs short, my bangs also part in the middle, so I have the same issue as her, but there’s a reason why I don’t wear my hair like that anymore.) Also, why is she on-top of this poor person who she’s massaging and looking like she’s meditating?!? OH MAN! You do realize he has a child, he’s not the child! You do not need to airplane spoon feed him! Also, why are you getting all hot and bothered and falling off the chair when just saying his name? Here’s a hint, Amy, that’s not how a real marriage is gonna work out. You can’t swoon every time you mention your husband.

OHHHHHHH Heidi you’re right, I misjudged Nikki! She’s a sweetheart with her patients and is super articulate in her intro package. I now like her πŸ™‚

Lauren H. looks MUCH older than 25. Also, she had her engagement called off because her ex-fiancΓ©e called her at work to cancel it?!? That’s ROUGH! But why sweetheart do you still have the wedding dress and looking at all forlornly like that? Also, why did they have to shoot her at a lighthouse (looking for love) while a wedding is going on in the background? That is cruel and unusual punishment ABC!

I LOVE the cute lil old people in Lacy’s package! She’s so sweet with her brothers and sisters and she really does need to end up with Drew if she doesn’t end up with Juan Pablo.

Oh man, Clare is making me all teary when talking about her dad passing away from brain cancer. WOW! A DVD for her future husband, and she’s really never watched it before? I now need to know what that DVD has on it!

I want to know if he can hear the screaming coming from the limos. If so, that has to be the weirdest/surrealist/most awkward thing in the world.

OH MAN! Cassandra, who’s 21 and the former NBA dancer comes out, says it’s nice to meet him and then crickets, literally! Good job there producers πŸ™‚ And I’m squirming because it’s so uncomfortable.

Christine shows up in an emerald green dress, that she needs either straps for or it needs to be higher, because it’s riding a little too low. She’s the first of the girls to actually do something unique coming out of the limo and gives him a friendship bracelet for Camilla. Well played Christine, well played!

Nikki’s dress is interesting. I like that she brings out a stethoscope since she’s a nurse to show how nervous she is.

I do not like Victoria’s dress. It’s an interesting shade of yellow and then the fabric is very odd as well. She’s from Brazil though, and they do a cute Portuguese/Spanish interaction and seem to hit it off…we’ll see.

And here’s Lucy our free spirit psycho! To standout she has to wear a crown of flowers on her head and then points out she’s barefoot. As someone who actually had a roommate in college who would walk around barefoot everywhere, she never felt a need to really point it out. It was just something she did and she didn’t care if people noticed or not. So I’m just saying I don’t trust Lucy and think she’s playing it all up for the cameras. If Lucy wants to walk around on all the liquor and lord knows what other kinda germs are still in that house leftover from Bachelor Pad days, more power to her!

I liked Lauren S. intro with her wheeling the piano up. And Juan Pablo going to help her get it up the hill, but her getting it and him going back to “his spot” and then her playing a song. Her nerves got to her with a bad note, but I’m still impressed and still like her! She needs to take a DEEP BREATH and CALM DOWN! And as I’m typing that Juan Pablo runs into the mansion and says he’s not supposed to be in here but he wanted to get her name. Which then makes her mortified that she forgot to give him her name. I found it endearing and am glad that she didn’t disappoint as one of my favorites. So Heidi, we agreed on that one πŸ™‚ I also would like to point out, that Juan Pablo SPRINTED into this house, and she’d already sat down and had a drink in her hand. So I guess the rumors that we’ve heard before where the producers are basically pouring drinks in them are true. I think I heard it was a 2 drink minimum.

Chelsie wants to do a science experiment, but has to do it quickly, so it seems rushed and I was confused. It was a joke, because instead of doing a Chemistry experiment she wants them to have Chemistry. She also put on “safety” glasses to whip them off. Thus acting out the 3rd act of most romantic comedies where the nerdy girl takes her glasses off and the hot guy falls in love. On behalf of all glasses wearers I’m thinking I should wear my glasses tomorrow to prove a point that you’re not ugly if you wear glasses! ****that was never said on the episode, it’s just what I thought was being implied***

Ashley is a first grade teacher and gives Juan Pablo a gold star for making the right choice in coming on the Bachelor. I have to say that Ashley has her soothing teacher voice on right now and it’s working out well for her πŸ™‚

Clare, our girl whose dad passed away and has a mystery DVD comes out of the limo and has a fake baby bump and is pretending to be pregnant. You know, with her opening she suckered me into thinking she was normal, but with this stunt, I have to go back to my original gut feeling of psycho.

Alli comes out wearing soccer shoes and has a soccer ball. He seems to like that about her, we’ll see if it lasts!

Renee seems to be one of the only people who can actually talk to him as a real person and not giggling. They bond over being parents.

Why does Lauren H. feel the need to scrunch up her face constantly when talking to him?

Maggie is our southern bell with the accent. She gives him a fishing hook, and hopes that Juan Pablo is a big catch, because she loves going fishing with her family.

Kelly brought Molly her dog. Kelly’s profession is a dog lover. Molly doesn’t seem to be a big fan of Juan Pablo, I don’t know what that means for her owner.

I like Lacy’s dress. She brings Juan Pablo a prescription bottle because she knows 25 women will give him a headache. He’s supposed to take 2 and think of her and feel better. They are red hots and he likes them πŸ™‚

Kylie is an interior designer and I feel like she’d know better than to wear that color dress with her hair color.

Sharleen the opera singer does look very nice in her dress and I’m impressed didn’t come out singing right away to get his attention.

I do like that Juan Pablo keeps talking to the camera guy/producers and laughing about the girls. Alright, that’s all 27 girls! If I didn’t write about the girls introductions with Juan Pablo, then they were just blubbering about how excited they were it was Juan Pablo and how nervous they were.

Alright, let’s get Juan Pablo off the driveway and into the house! Wow that house is LOUD with all the girls chattering and then the screaming and giggling. Is this the first dance party that we’ve had for a cocktail party? I can’t remember seeing one before and there’s a photo booth.

Nikki, our KC girl, is the first one we see with one on one time. Juan Pablo likes the little downtown area of KC, can you imagine what he’d say about Lincoln’s little downtown area? Nikki works at Children’s Mercy Hospital.

Renee and Juan Pablo get to the point since they are both parents. Like Renee said there’s no need to beat around the bush, you just get right to it. They again are having an actual conversation, of course I think you can see a little cautiousness with her and him that you may not see in any of his other relationships (at least yet) because she is a single mom. If anything I think they could be good friends.

Lucy is the type of girl that fishes for compliments. Do I need to be more confident? Am I pretty? Then she puts her feet on him and again points out her bare feet.

Amy is going to give him a sensual massage. Luckily she has her massage table here. She put oils on her hands and then puts them on his suit jacket. She takes his shoes off and this is just bizarre. I think she’s physically attracted to him, but she doesn’t know him.

The first impression rose is the giant elephant in the room and the crazies are starting to come out, now that we have a rose up for grabs!

Chelsie and Juan Pablo hang out in the photo booth.

Elise just put pressure on Juan Pablo by saying that her mom passed away a year ago, but knows that her mom is there with her and wants Juan Pablo and her to be together.

Lauren H. evidently just pouts and then puts the other girls down by saying “how do I get time with him? I mean you guys did it…” and now Lauren is crying and talking about how she got dumped after she was engaged. Get Lauren some food so she can stop crying, I am hoping she’s drunk and that’s why she’s breaking down. Oh Lauren, Lauren, Lauren, you lead by talking about your ex, and his kid and have to say that you’re over the relationship. I hate to break it to you, but I really don’t think you’re over it. You can’t make Juan Pablo and Camilla your ex and his son.

Juan Pablo is taken with Sharleen because she is worldly which is something that he’d obviously be interested in. She has the doubt and the wondering if she likes him. Isn’t this what Brayden went through back on the Bachelorette? I don’t know if I like you or not. And all the girls like her and think she’s super sweet. She does seem genuine and real. Long awkward pause before she accepts the rose. And she responds with “sure.” I like that she is so honest and normal! The fact that she’s now fawning all over him is probably a reason why he likes her, she stands out from the others!

Alright, rose ceremony time! I have to say, I like the shorter dresses better than the long ones. I keep thinking they’re gonna trip on the long trains!

Really Clare, you come back with “me?!?” I don’t know what to think of you.

I’m glad Nikki got a rose!

I like that Renee got one, since they seemed to have something of a connection.

Andi is confusing to me, she’s either gonna be one of my favorites or one of my not so favorites. I don’t think I can stay neutral for her.

I’m glad Alli got a rose!

Shantal was kinda annoying to me, I don’t think she’ll go too far.

Lauren S. hopefully has calmed down and can be normal next episode.

Kelly is weird, her and her dog.

Cassandra, our 21 year old ex-dancer, makeup cosmetic got a rose.

I have no opinion of Danielle

Not a fan of Chelsie

OMG! He says Kat, but Kylie comes forward. I actually gasped out loud and felt embarrassed for everyone involved! I don’t even remember Kat, but will remember that!

Victoria and her ugly yellow dress, I have no qualms of her as a person πŸ™‚

I don’t remember Christie.

Crazy, psycho Lucy gets a rose, surprise, surprise.

Elise almost starts to cry while getting her rose.

Amy goes with her arms outstretched and gets the final rose of the night.

Those without a rose:

Christine: wonder if she asked for Camilla’s friendship bracelet back?

Ashley: our 1st grade teacher, who could’ve controlled the girls in her teacher voice

Amy: crazy psycho massage girl is gone and she’s bawling as if they were soul mates!

Kylie: most awkward rejection ever, thinking you have the rose and then getting it. She had to know she wasn’t getting one, or after the mix-up she’d had been the next one to get the rose! And she’s crying with a broken heart as well.

Lauren H: She’s a real mess and needs some help please. She needs to get over her ex and then she’ll be ready to meet someone.

The girls who didn’t get roses and didn’t even get screen time to say goodbye are: Maggie, Valerie, Lacy & Alexis.

So for those keeping score from my predictions based on photos, I’m 5 for 5 on my crazies/psychos still here and got roses. Though I don’t think that Nikki is a psycho anymore or Sharleen. Clare I’m gonna go with crazy.

As for my favorites, not doing too hot. I lost Lacy & Alexis. I need Lauren, Alli & Andi to really step it up here in the next few weeks.

May make new predictions after next week’s episode. I feel like once they start going on dates you can kinda predict what’s going to happen more. At this point when they showed the preview, I couldn’t really recognize any of the girls. I then thought about how sad/crazy it will be that in a few weeks I will be able to tell who these girls are just by seeing the backs of their heads and their silhouettes. I’m calling that a talent, not something to be ashamed of πŸ™‚

From what the previews look like, it should be an exciting season! Here’s to lots of tears and drama! I will be back next Monday night with my thoughts on the episode! Have a great week!

Lindsay

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