Get Juan Pablo some Chapstick he’s with the ladies in New Zealand

I’m feeling like tonight is going to be drama, drama, drama, and I am looking forward to it!!!

Wow Andi is the last one to not have a one-on-one date! That really surprises me that everyone else has already had one-on-one dates. Andi gets this date & Clare is PISSED! She deserves the first one-on-one date to work everything out with Juan Pablo from what happened in Vietnam.

The mothers bond over the fireplace. Cassandra is upset that Andi got a one on one date and is surprised for some reason that Andi got it. Renee is the sounding board yet again. Cassandra starts crying about how people have not been as invested in her as well as her son. Renee starts crying too and they both want a single guy who loves them and their sons.

Andi just taught me that New Zealand is the land of volcanoes. She needs this one on one date. I’m not feeling Andi’s white leggings, especially with the black boots. Didn’t anyone tell Andi not to wear white after Labor Day? Did she not watch “Never been kissed?”

Wow, we’re on a motorboat that looks like a blast. They are flying through this river and they’re lucky they’re going the direction they are, because Andi’s hair is flying behind them. It very easily could be flying in-front of her face and she could be doing a cousin It. Is it a rule that these girls can’t wear their hair in a ponytail? Renee didn’t last week and now Andi didn’t this date.

They get in their swimming suits and jump outta the boat. Juan Pablo has a real unfortunate swimsuit on. It has lavender up at the top and then becomes skin tone and I’m just not feeling it. Andi is wearing a one-piece black suit. I have no idea what in the world they’re doing. They are going through small corridors in the river. I would be a little claustrophobic in this situation. They are climbing rocks and I feel like it’s gross. They’re slimy things all around and I feel like they should be wearing shoes and more protection than the skimpy swimsuits they have on. They have to be getting scratched up! I guess the journey is worth it because they come to a clearing that has a beautiful waterfall. They go stand under a hot waterfall and the water is pounding on them and they decide that’s the place to make out. Though they both look uncomfortable and like the water is going to make them fall over. Oh, and once I see Andi has decided to get out of the water and wrap her legs around Juan Pablo’s torso, I see that she’s wearing what looks like her black boots from before, I’m assuming they must be some water shoes, so they were not barefoot during their journey. I wonder if Andi and him are going to get in the same trouble that Clare and him did last week….both in water, making out, looks like similar positions to last week….I’m just saying, guard yourself Andi!!!!

Anyone else wonder why we always see the journey to the location, but we NEVER see them making the journey back?!? It’s always a production of where are we going, I’d like to see the “are we back to the boat yet?” “Do you really know where you’re going?” “I’m freezing in this water now” moments. Instead, we just get the romantic image of them under the waterfall, and now we’re back from commercial break and they’re in dry clothes eating dinner in-front of a geyser.

I’m impressed with the HUGE gloves that she has on, that she’s able to hold up her wine glass and drink out of it! I’d either drop that glass or it would be all over me! As someone who’s been to Yellowstone, I have to say that yes geysers are AMAZING to see, however they smell horribly!!! It’s like burnt tar. I cannot image trying to eat in-front of one. Her romantic meal is ruined by the geyser. Take that ABC, you won’t get your making out in-front of the geyser photo because they’re running around.

As they’re running away, we go back to the hotel with the other girls. Group date card arrives! On the group date we have: Sharleen, Chelsie, Renee, Nikki, Kat and Cassandra. UGH!!!!!!!!! That means Clare is on the one-on-one date………BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Back to Andi’s date, they’re walking I think, I can’t really see them through the shadows and mist. My goodness, it’s hard to hear them! I feel like they’re mumbling, but I hear the water from the geyser in the background. Andi says that love is supposed to be like what’s on the Bachelor, fun and easy. Honey, you do realize your love story isn’t going to continue like the Bachelor. Andi says that she wants to get to know him, evidently getting to know him consists of her asking him “what’s your biggest goal in life” and he says love and gets kinda defensive and says that’s the reason he’s here. Well evidently she knows him now, because she says she wants a family real bad. Which you know is a code for Juan Pablo to have a green light and he brings out the rose. He offers it, she accepts it, they make out and the geyser is in the background, you win ABC, you win!

Okay, onto the group date! Cassandra’s birthday is today! She’s 22…..and now Taylor Swift’s song “22” will be in my head for the rest of the night. Thanks Cassandra….plus she keeps calling him Juan, which distracts me. Cassandra is sad that Chelsie has stolen Juan Pablo away, and Chelsie decides nothing says romance quite like blowing grass to make it squeak and look at cows.

Okay, the group date is evidently putting the girls in swimsuits, and putting them into basically hamster balls and rolling down the hill. The first person to jump in is Kat, and she goes for it right away with Juan Pablo. While she’s rolling down the hill, you see that Sharleen has her hair in an up-do, and is ready for prom, while wearing a white one-piece that has tassels on it and the sides are cut-out, just put a bikini on, please! They do seem to be having a great time, and I gotta admit it does look fun. Nikki and Juan Pablo decide to make out the whole way down the trail.

Alright, the “after-party” is at Hobbiton, from Lord of the Rings, it’s part of the set. And Sharleen is geeking out. Cassandra is freaking out about wanting one on one time with him. Juan Pablo evidently doesn’t know it’s her birthday.

Juan Pablo takes Renee out first and she says that today is one of the best days of her life, but her and Juan Pablo haven’t said 2 words to each other. Now that Renee got her first kiss they keep kissing. I’m terrified because they have a blanket that should be used to be on their laps or shoulders or something, but the majority of it is draping dangerously close to the flames on the candles on the table. I’m just waiting for them to start on fire. I’m having a hard time concentrating on what’s going on, because all I can think about is that dang blanket and candles! Renee tells Juan Pablo that they had a mom bonding moment and break down in realizing that he sees her and her son as a package and not baggage. (AHEM Kalon from Emily’s season) and now they’re making out. And they take a selfie in-front of the Hobbit house.

Nikki is the next for one-on-one time and she wants to tell Juan Pablo about her feelings. She’s really nervous, but tells him that she’s falling for him and that’s scary because she’s afraid of being hurt. And as afraid as she is, she knows it’s worth it. Which means they’re gonna make out now.

Kat asks if there’s a difference between a group date rose and rose ceremony date. Chelsie says that this group date rose means that this means something is happening.

Believe it or not Sharleen is questioning things again. She has another weird outfit on. And they say hi, and then Juan Pablo goes in for the kiss. Sharleen is such an awkward kisser! Sharleen calls him out on not wasting any time, and then has to explain to him what that means, then he goes to kiss her again. She literally just did the weird thing with her tongue and then turns her head away. She then decides it’s a great idea to play head games with him and make him become a mind-reader when she asks “What do you think I’m thinking right now?” He answers that she’s feeling great, but scared right now, but great. And believe it or not, he’s right on track. Here’s a hint Sharleen, he knows that, because that’s how all the other remaining girls feel. This is an inorganic thing for Sharleen and she questions where her and Juan Pablo are compared to everyone else. Juan Pablo tells her to not question anything and is back to kissing her.

All the girls start dancing and celebrating Cassandra’s birthday. She blows out one of the tea-light candles after making a wish. She finally gets her one on one time. Cassandra tells him that she likes him and respects him as a dad. She was closed off before this experience and only focused on Trey. She was happy and content in that but knows that she has love to give to someone else. Juan Pablo is genuine and a good guy according to her. I keep waiting for her to tell him it’s her birthday and I don’t think she ever did, if that was me I’d be telling him. Of course I love my birthday, so maybe that’s the difference between Cassandra and I.

And now we’re to the part of handing out the rose. And Renee is being selfless again. She talks about how she’d love the rose, but she wants it to go to Cassandra because it’d mean more to her. And if it’s not Renee she wants it to be Cassandra, she’s someone that Renee is rooting for. And the rose goes to Sharleen…..ugh! Why, because they just made out and talked the least out of any of the other girls?!?

Oh no! After the rose is handed out, Juan Pablo wants to talk to Cassandra and Renee starts crying. And of course it’s raining and it’s her birthday! You know where this is going, and it breaks my heart. He said that Cassandra asked him to be honest with her and you know she knows where this is going and wants it to be over soon! He says they’re not in the same chapter and he doesn’t want her to wait anymore and to see her son. She is very graceful! She said she respects him that he didn’t wait until the rose ceremony. He does do a nice job of breaking up with her by telling her she’s special. I can’t say that I’m surprised, we saw way to much of Cassandra at the beginning of this episode and she was featured too much, plus it’s her birthday and I feel like birthdays just don’t end well when they’re celebrated on the Bachelor. In Juan Pablo’s defense he didn’t know it was her birthday, but he’s gonna feel like crap when he finds out. Cassandra is off and is crying and wants something special and wants love. Keep your head up, you’re too good for him Cassandra and you’re young, you’ll find your guy!

Okay, let’s not forget that Juan Pablo is a dad and has Camilla back home. In-case we’ve forgotten, we will have a skype session with them.

Alright Clare and Juan Pablo’s one on one date. Clare thinks that Juan Pablo wasn’t being honest, he was just saying things to hurt her feelings. And she can’t wait for him to apologize today. GIVE ME A BREAK!!!! You slept with him in a gross ocean, there are consequences to every action, this is your consequence, suck it up! I do have to mention a saw a hilarious meme this week that showed Clare getting out of the limo with her baby bump under her hot pink dress and said something about the joke being on Juan Pablo for thinking the baby bump was a joke, because after last week it may not be.

Okay, they’ve sat down to have a picnic on the rocks (doesn’t look like the most comfortable place to me). Juan Pablo doesn’t want her to feel horrible. He wants her to feel comfortable and be happy and to be here. It was his mistake. It upset her because she didn’t want anything to be weird for his daughter, and she just wanted to go into the ocean and swim. Clare caught him off guard and didn’t want to devastate her right away. Clare said that Juan Pablo has made an effort. She says she still needs answers.

Clare asks what their boundaries are. Juan Pablo says that he’s never kissed a girlfriend, held hands or spent a night in-front of Camilla. She then asks if they did anything inappropriate with those rules (My answer from my couch…….YES!!!!!!!! Without taking into account what may (did) or may not have happened in the ocean, they have held hands and kissed on camera, which will be in-front of Camilla, so he’s broken his own “rules” with like 10 women.) Okay onto Juan Pablo’s answer, “4 in the morning, going into the ocean, kissing in the ocean, didn’t feel right to him.” She somehow is okay now because he says he doesn’t want to make her cry and now she’s all good and wants to make out with him. They confuse the hell outta me! Clare said that he apologized, but I NEVER heard the words I’m sorry……..

Okay, Clare and Juan Pablo are in a room at the Hilton hotel, because this won’t possibly lead to inappropriate behavior?!? He asks how her heart is and if it’s melting at all….come on Juan Pablo, you’re getting played like a flippin fiddle! Clare’s way of handling conflict or confrontation is to bolt. Does she realize that there’s going to be conflict and bumps in the road with Camilla? She can’t bolt when things get tough! Mature Clare! Come on!!! She plays him even more when she says that she sees the way that he protects Camilla and she knows he’d do the same thing for her kids. He’s smitten and I’m disgusted. I think she’s crazy and isn’t being genuine at all! She says she likes casual and comfortable, yet have we seen her actually be casual and comfortable? She’s too high strung. I can show her comfortable, come into my living room while I’m blogging, this is the picture of casual and comfortable! UGH!!!! She just ticked me off when he walked away, to you know go get the rose, and leaves her alone on the couch and she does a fist pump.

Oh, well evidently he wanted her to be comfortable because he gave her sweatpants. She can’t believe that sweatpants are hotter than a rose ceremony dress, which just proves she’s not comfortable being casual and is just pretending! And surprise surprise, she gets the rose. And I’m officially pissed at him, I thought he’d done a great job of getting rid of crazy all season, but now not at all.

Now they’re dancing, (to a song they heard on their first dance, and she can’t believe he remembered that, here’s a hint Clare, he didn’t remember that. ABC has cleared the rights to certain songs, and they said, hey this is the song you’re gonna dance to. Ask him in 6 months and we’ll see if he remembers the song!) She says that her and Juan Pablo are the perfect couple that everyone looks up to and wants to be……ummmmmmmm yeah…..not so much.

Thank God Clare’s one on one date is over! We’re to the rose ceremony! Juan Pablo is pondering the women while looking at the green hills of New Zealand. We see the podium with the girls pictures, which only means one thing! It’s our first sit down and check-in with Chris Harrison before the rose ceremony! Wow, we’re going to be down to 6 girls after tonight, that’s surprising! There is nothing of importance to mention with Juan Pablo and Chris’ convo. If you want to know what they talked about, read my recap of the rest of the episode 🙂

7 girls remain since Cassandra went home, so we’re going to be getting rid of 1 other girl. All the girls are dead silent and he doesn’t like it. Girls without roses are: Nikki, Chelsie, Kat and Renee. The last time Nikki didn’t have a rose before the rose ceremony was the first rose ceremony, wow, that’s impressive!

Nikki talks about how cute he is, he does a spin and then he talks about how he’s wearing pink underwear and goes in for the kiss. She talks about how she can be comfortable with him. Nikki says that she wants her forever, her partner, her happy ending and someone to be with her during all the happy times. Juan Pablo must like that, because now he’s kissing her. He likes it because he didn’t have to ask her how she felt, she just supplied it.

Renee is scared now that Cassandra is gone. She makes a good point that once he doubts their relationship she’s going to be gone. He pulls her aside and says that he knows she’s feeling uncomfortable and she admits she’s uncertain and nervous but who wouldn’t? With Cassandra leaving, it hit closer to home. She talked to Ben and put him on speaker phone so everyone could hear him. Renee is loving life and wants someone to love life with her and Juan Pablo feels like he could be that person. Her eyes glow and he’s hypnotized when she talks about her son. And they start making out.

Chelsie and I are on the same page. She names off all the girls that are left and said that she thinks it’s between her and Kat for who gets the final rose and I have to agree. She said that Juan Pablo and Kat haven’t kissed yet, which I didn’t recall. I know that Chelsie and him kissed when she went bungee jumping, but I don’t remember if they have since then. Chelsie talks to Juan Pablo about her ex-boyfriend and said that she wants a family and wants a real love and for the guy to be just as excited about it as she is. She’s insecure since she didn’t have one on one time with him. He reassures her, but he only went in for the hug and kiss on the cheek.

Now Kat is with Juan Pablo and she journals! Kat talked about how she hasn’t been forward or aggressive with guys. She’s not afraid of being rejected but afraid of disappointment because her dad wasn’t there for her growing up. Wow, what a tear jerker, one of her first memories is of being 5 and her dad was passed out drunk and her baby sister was crying and she climbed in the crib with her sister to console her. And she’s willing to face her fear because of the great reward of him. I’m assuming they hugged but don’t know for sure, because all we see is them walking off arm in arm.

Okay, we got the girls lined up and the 3 roses are on the tree stump reading to be handed out! We’re in a room that has 2 fireplaces. We have the fireplaces glowing both behind the girls as well as Juan Pablo.

Girls with roses are:

Andi

Sharleen

Clare

Nikki (YEA!!!!!)

Renee (WOOT WOOT)

and the final rose goes to: Chelsie (I gotta admit, between Chelsie and Kat I’m really glad it’s Chelsie!)

Kat is going to say her goodbyes. Sharleen is devastated and tells Kat when she hugs her that she’s really sad. This is the first of the walks to the limo to be rejected there. They just hug it out and he puts her in the limo and she drives off. She’s crying in the limo and says that she saw herself at the end. She didn’t get up to speed. She’s sad because she’s been told how great she is and what a great catch she is, but here she sits!

Juan Pablo goes back into the room and Sharleen is confused. But she’s happy to be here but feels guilty. She keeps crying and she can see other girls suiting him better than her. She is giving it another week to see if there’s something she’s missing.

They are going to Miami next week!  Nikki makes out with him. Sharleen is bawling like a baby and he says that she’s different in a good way, Andi is kissing him, and Clare and Nikki get into it. And Juan Pablo is crying! Basically what I think that means is that Chelsie is going home and probably normal wonderful Renee.

Get the Kleenex out for next week!

Lindsay

 

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