Bachelor in Paradise Episode 1

Okay, I have to admit, I have no idea what we’re getting into with Bachelor in Paradise and how exactly I’m going to blog about it. Since we don’t follow the same format as the Bachelor/The Bachelorette the format of this blog may change. I’m just gonna play it by ear, so bear with me please!

We have 6 or 7 weeks of this show. We’ll see if it’s the train wreck that the previews have made it out to be. Even though it will be airing for 6 to 7 weeks, I think it was filmed over 3 weeks. I’ve also heard that the place they stayed wasn’t that glamorous. In-fact the cast has a hashtag that they keep using on Twitter “YOPO” which stands for “You Only Paradise Once.”

Of course the first person that we’re introduced to on the show is Crazy Clare. Crazy Clare doesn’t want to pursue any of the guys, she wants to be pursued.

Marcus is the first guy that we’re introduced to and the first thing he says is that his break-up with Andi is still very fresh, so let’s see the rebound that he jumps into!

Sarah from Sean’s season is the next girl we see. Clare and Sarah hug it out and evidently are somewhat friendly with one another.

Marquel is the next guy and he is bringing his fashion sense to the beach.

Daniella from Sean’s season is next and I’m sorry but I don’t really remember her at all. I wanna say she was a girl that stuck around a long time just because he couldn’t get rid of all the insignificant girls at once. She wasn’t one of my favorites from what I can recall.

Graham is the next girl to show up. Clare talks about the fact that he’s older. He is 35 and Clare’s 33, so I find that funny. Clare says it’s a good thing that he’s older though.

Daniella is evidently in love with ALL the guys!

Lacy is the next one to show up and she’s one of the girls from Juan Pablo’s season that I said I liked from looking at her photo but she was sent home right away. She has 15 adopted brothers and sister’s I believe. We see her walking towards us on the beach in a bright pink dress (so I’m already a fan.) Then we see Marquel, Graham and Marcus all drooling over her and asking if they should rock/paper/scissors for her.

Oh man, Ben who brought his son out of the limo from Des’ season is the next one to show up and he’s just wearing shorts and a 3/4 shirt. Ugh!

Evidently I’m not the only one who thinks this as there is awkward silence when he walks up. Lacy is the one who decides to get him a drink. Ben complained that the people on his season didn’t party that much, so he wants people to party more.

The next girl that comes up is Michelle (Crazy Michelle), she’s the one who was on Bachelor Pad with Tenley and confronted her in the bathroom and things got real dramatic and she will forever be known as Crazy Michelle, unless she can change that persona on this show and I’m not gonna hold my breath….

Robert is the next guy who shows up. He was on Des’ season and is the one who spinned signs on the side of the road.

Dylan from Andi’s season comes up and Marquel goes running down the stairs to jump in his arms.

Elise from Juan Pablo’s season comes and she has these HUGE heals that she’s wearing and struggling with on the stairs. Chris Harrison is laughing at her as she is basically sitting on her butt and scooting down the stairs. Elise is our school teacher I believe and I don’t think I was a huge huge fan of her either, but I could be wrong on that. Elise has love at first sight with Dylan evidently.

Ashlee from Sean’s season is the last one to arrive. Let’s hope her heart doesn’t get too heartbroken. She’s come here to meet Graham. I think last I knew about Ashlee she was fresh off a break-up from Bachelor Brad Womack and was dating the lawyer long-haired Michael who got into it with Ben on Des’ season. So it will be interesting to see if Ben & her get along or have any ill feelings for one another. Evidently the whole reason Ashlee came was to meet Graham, who hugs her and offers to get her a drink, so they’re obviously in love.

Harrison brings everyone together and asks if they know each other, they all kinda shrug. Then he asks if everyone is single. Ben gives a weird eyebrow raising thing. While Michelle says “maybe.” Harrison asks what she means and she says something about it being paradise. That doesn’t sit well with Graham who has to immediately leave her side and go sit by Robert instead.

Harrison is gonna tell us how this works. They’re all here to find love. They will go on romantic style dates. They’ll find out what they’re doing when the date cards arrive. If you get a date card you get to decide who you take. Harrison said at the end of each week if you aren’t part of a couple than you’ll have your bags packed and say goodbye and there’s a rose ceremony. We’ll switch the power back and forth. There are less boys than girls so we know a girl will be going home.

Alright let’s check out the house. It looks like a tree house. It’s very open. Lacy takes Robert out into the ocean to swim. She doesn’t want to be sent home on the first night like she was on Juan Pablo’s season. All the girls are intimidated and frustrated by her. Though one of the girls does make a joke to Crazy Clare about jumping into the ocean and what could happen. Crazy Clare said that she needs to warn Lacy what could happen, which I find really funny when what she wants to warn her about is that her make-up will be messed up.

It’s now night-time and we see Marcus walking off to the ocean by himself. He’s still not over Andi as it’s too fresh and too soon and he doesn’t know if his future wife is in this group or not. He ends up going into the ocean in his swimming suit to cleanse himself of his feelings for Andi.

While Marcus has decided to go for a swim in the dark by himself. The rest of the group is hanging out on the patio watching him. Of course he has to be able to hear them yell “Who is that?” and then the response of “Marcus” but he plays it like he doesn’t. Lacy decides to join Marcus in the ocean.

She said as much as she enjoys Robert her first impression of Marcus is that he’s stunning and she wants to get to know him and she goes after what she wants. Well Sarah is not impressed at all. And is saying that Lacy is gong skinny dipping with Marcus. I’m sorry Sarah, but Lacy is wearing a BRIGHT PINK swimsuit that we’re able to clearly see, so it’s not skinny dipping but rather swimming.

Sarah is upset because Marcus was the only guy she was physically attracted to. Robert is jealous because Marcus is stealing his girl. So when they come out of the ocean, Robert comes and grabs Lacy and talks to her. They giggle a little bit. Lacy asks if he’s interested in any of the other girls and he says no, it’s the first day, he’s interested in her and that’s about it.

Dylan and Daniella are now heading to the ocean holding hands and taking alcohol. Crazy Clare and Marcus are watching Dylan and Daniella in the ocean and giving us a running commentary. They talk about how watching that is better than watching reality television and that makes my brain hurt just thinking about how wrong that statement is.

So here’s something I learned from reading opera-singer Sharleen’s blog, the reason you’ll see people in the ocean and water so much is because that’s the only time they are able to take their mic packs off. So we aren’t able to hear any of the conversations that are being had. Which since these are all veterans of the show that’s not a secret to them, which tells me that they are doing these ocean trips on purpose.

Day 2, we’re in the morning. Ashlee and Graham are walking in the ocean talking. Ashlee is evidently exactly like me, because she said even though she hasn’t met Graham she follows him on Social Media which is exactly what I do. Ashlee doesn’t want to be over-bearing yet by saying that, I think she is over-bearing.

Daniella is not a fan of Ashlee’s. She said that anytime Ashlee likes a guy she thinks they’re gonna get married. It’s what she did with Sean and it’s what she’s doing with Graham. And if Graham gets a date card and doesn’t take Ashlee, according to Daniella he’s the smartest guy in the world. Daniella them are fighting words for a girl who didn’t make a huge impression on her season and is really trying to milk her 15 minutes of fame.

Crazy Michelle finds a date card. She has everyone huddle around. Crazy Clare gets the date card and gets to choose the first date for paradise. She proves she’s insane, as she doesn’t react when her name is read, but then she freaks out after it’s been read. She gets to choose any guy she wants. And she said she had a dream about this. She also has evidently never asked a guy out in her life before. She goes up to a lounging Robert and Graham and asks Graham out on a date. Poor Robert is awkwardly standing there. Graham’s shocked to be going on a date with her.

Ashlee is in tears as she watches them hug it out. She goes up the spiraling staircase and I’m hoping she’s talking to a producer or someone, if not she’s talking to herself. About how he can’t be loyal for 24 hours to her and she would’ve said no if she’d been asked on a date. Ashlee talks about how Graham and her are the only normal ones. Since Ashlee cried it out, the other girls are now going to ignore Graham because Ashlee is crazy or so I can use another word besides crazy I will henceforth refer to Ashlee as Angsty Ashlee (yes I put a “y” on the end of angst to make it sound better, as an English major I’m allowed to do that!)

Oh god, and now Crazy Clare has to compete with Angsty Ashlee. I’m assuming Crazy Clare is talking to a producer, but they make it look like she’s talking to a raccoon and it is cracking me up more than it should 🙂 Crazy Clare keeps talking about how she doesn’t want drama and Angsty Ashlee should just take the date card and dangit Crazy Clare also got bit by a spider! EVERYTHING IS THE WORST!!!!!!

Robert gets kicked out again by Crazy Clare. Crazy Clare and Angsty Ashlee are going to have a conversation. Crazy Clare didn’t know that Angsty Ashlee like him. Crazy Clare wants Angsty Ashlee to go on the date. Angsty Ashlee said no, because Graham said yes to Crazy Clare so he must want to go out with Crazy Clare. Crazy Clare makes a valid point to say that Graham didn’t really have a choice and he had to say yes. Angsty Ashlee disagrees with that statement. Crazy Clare then decides that she’s going to un-invite Graham and ask out another guy instead. And Angsty Ashlee is now all smiles and hugs it out with Crazy Clare.

Crazy Clare goes up to Graham and said that Angsty Ashlee was freaking so she’s not going to take him. Crazy Clare interrupts Robert and Graham again, poor guy can’t catch a break. This time she doesn’t chase him off, but tells him to stay put. After Crazy Clare breaks up with Graham she asks Robert to go on the date with her. Which of course has the other girls freaking out as they just witnessed all of this.

We now have Graham calling after Agnsty Ashlee asking her to stop. She pretends she can’t hear him. Graham said that he’s paranoid he hurt her feelings and he wants to talk about it with her. Angsty Ashlee said they’ll talk tomorrow. Poor Graham said he feels uncomfortable that he can hurt someone’s feelings 18 hours after being there.

Crazy Clare evidently has hung out with Robert before but never looked at him romantically. Well now she may. They go in a jeep and then walk out into a vista which Crazy Clare has never seen before and doesn’t know what it is. They were going to climb up this wall but they go bit by a thousand fire ants. So Robert had to take off his backpack and shirt to get them off. They fit through it and get to the top. Crazy Clare adores Robert. I have to admit they do make an attractive couple. Crazy Clare didn’t learn her lesson on Juan Pablo’s season because she jumps into the ocean with Robert. No kiss between the 2 of them but they do seem to like one another.

Back to the house. We have Lacy talking about how cute Robert and Marcus are. Lacy decides that since Robert went on a date she’s gonna focus on Marcus. Lacy talks to Marcus and asks him about his dating life. He said it was non-existent because he didn’t know the right girl.

Daniella finds a date card that has Sarah’s name on it. Daniella & Sarah are the only 2 around when the date card is read. Sarah then reads the date card to the whole group and asks Marcus to go on the date with her. He says yes and Lacy is pouting since the 2 boys she liked are going on dates today with other girls.

Marcus and Sarah are walking into this cave area. There is evidently an underground water oasis. They are looking over a ledge and are both scared. We know Marcus is afraid of heights since that was his date with Andi. They jumped off this ledge holding hands and had fun. My question is “How the hell did they get up to jump off the ledge again?” Sarah decides before they jump again she wants to kiss him first. He obliges with the kiss.

Robert comes back from his date and sits next to Lacy. Robert said that Lacy looks tired or sad. So he takes her to go talk and she starts crying because she was left out because both the guys she likes went on dates. Robert and Lacy go for a walk on the beach. Robert said he didn’t kiss Crazy Clare. Lacy kisses his cheek and appreciates the fact that he’s assertive and interested in her.

Lo and behold a car’s headlights come on and Michelle Money walks in the door. And the girls are ticked! Because now it’s 8 girls to 6 guys so 2 girls are going home.

Michelle Money comes in and evidently has a date card. But first she grabs Graham to talk to him. Evidently Michelle and Graham have a history. Michelle said that Graham is one of the most important people in her life. They built this relationship on Bachelor Pad. They talk about how they had this great past. They have a secret handshake and everything.

Everyone is concerned about Angsty Ashlee if Michelle asks Graham on a date. Angsty Ashlee goes up to Graham to apologize to him. All the girls are staring at them from the window and analyzing the body language that he has. He accepts her apology and brings her in for a hug.

Michelle decides to invite Marquel on the date. They both have gorgeous smiles and are very smiley. Michelle is feeling insecure because she’s a 33 year old single mom with a 9 year old. She has stretch marks too, so watch out!

Marquel and Michelle are going horseback riding and Marquel is freaking out, he’s never even touched a horse before. He is trying to get the hang of things, but he has some struggles at the beginning but he ends up getting past them. Marquel and Michelle are happy with their date and of course end the date with a swim in the ocean.

Marcus talks about how he clicked with Sarah on the date but also clicked with Lacy from the first night. Which of course means Lacy is the first one to get the date card and has to decide between Robert & Marcus. Oh my goodness, I think she said that she’s 80/40 on who she’s going to decide for the guys…….Lacy ends up choosing Robert to go on a date. Crazy Clare is upset that Robert is going on a date. Marcus said he’s going to give his rose to Sarah now.

Robert and Lacy are making out in the ocean now and had a good date. Marcus is going down a dark/twisty road and I’m sure is having flashbacks to Andi, he decides to hide under his covers to get over it.

Well folks, we’re at the first rose ceremony of Bachelor in Paradise. All the power is in the guys hands right now. They get to hand out the roses!

Ben is ecstatic because we have cocktail hour before the rose ceremony. Because living together and being around one another 24/7 isn’t enough time. Ben said that him and Marcus are the wild cards.

Angsty Ashlee is very confident in her relationship with Graham and feels bad for the other girls who need to do some last minute “conversating” I know I know I made up a word like “Angsty” and I’m getting on her case for “conversating” but that’s because the word that exists that she was looking for is “conversing.” I had to make up my word 🙂

Crazy Clare is talking to Graham about how she doesn’t want to leave Paradise which she has nicknamed “CLARAdise.” Wow, tonight is the night to just make-up your own words, everyone’s doing it, feel free to jump in!

Ben doesn’t have a romantic connection, he wants to give his rose to someone he can have fun with, which probably is someone he can drink the most with. Sarah is nervous and freaking out to Ben and also kinda to Marcus. Sarah is doing the whole passive aggressive thing with Marcus by saying she doesn’t want him to give her a rose if he doesn’t feel it. Marcus said he’s interested in Lacy, but he feels that Sarah does deserve a rose. Which means DRAMA IS COMING! DRAMA IS COMING!

Marcus goes and talks to Dylan and said the only way he won’t give Sarah a rose if Lacy doesn’t get a rose because he wants Lacy to stay 100%. Now Marcus goes and talks to Marquel and Marquel wants Marcus to look out for his best interest. Marcus sees the rose as a romantic gesture….oh Marcus, Marcus, Marcus. The rose is a romantic gesture in the real world, yes, obviously. HOWEVER, it is NOT a romantic gesture in Bachelor in Paradise world, it’s merely a means to an end.

Marcus is afraid of hurting someone’s feelings, which means he will. He wants his rose to mean that he wants to explore a romantic relationship with the person.

Alright, now we’re to the first rose ceremony! We got the guys standing on one side and the girls standing across from them. Harrison is in the middle. He spells out the rules by saying that the gentleman will be called up and they need to hand out a rose to the lady that they are or would like to be in a romantic relationship with….which I have a feeling just completely swayed Marcus’ choice for his rose.

6 roses to hand out, 2 women will be going home tonight!

First rose: Marquel…….

Before Marquel can hand out his rose, we have Crazy Michelle want to talk. Marquel looks real taken aback. He’s awkwardly standing in the middle of the room holding his rose and looking like a little lost puppy. Luckily Harrison steps in, interrupts Crazy Michelle, tells Marquel to put the rose down and back slowly back to the line of guys to let Crazy Michelle have the floor.

Crazy Michelle said that she hasn’t met a connection with any of the guys and she feels that it’s best for her to go. Harrison is fighting with her that they’re a week into it and things could change. She argues no connection has been made. Harrison does his best Regis Philbin impression and makes sure it is her final decision to leave and she says that it is. All the girls sigh with relief and Michelle is gone.

Everyone questions her intentions and if she actually wants to find love. She said she does and maybe it’s already happened. Our camera guy in the car asks what she means by that and she gives a crazy/scary smirk into the camera. All the people are talking about what her intentions were, would she kill you in your sleep if given the opportunity, how crazy is she? Well that conversation can go on forever, so Harrison wraps it up and has us focus back on the rose ceremony.

Alright rose ceremony, take 2…..

1. Marquel chooses Michelle Money, she accepts the rose and they hug it out.
2. Graham chooses Ashlee and she accepts.
3. Dylan chooses Elise and she accepts.
4. Marcus (NOT A Shock at all that he goes before Robert, there has to be some drama on who Marcus picks, if Robert goes first there’s no drama because Robert would choose Lacy. So I saw this coming from a mile away, yet still love that it’s happening!)

4. Marcus chooses Lacy and she gives him a kiss and big hug so I’m assuming she said yes.

Crazy Clare’s response is WOW. Robert looks down and can’t believe it. Sarah looks like she’s about to cry. Marquel is grinning ear to ear in his interview when he said that after Marcus chose Lacy, Graham and him looked at each other and were like “OH MY GOD.” Elise said that Marcus stepped in and changed the game by giving his rose to Lacy and not letting Robert give her the rose.

Robert feels betrayed and Lacy keeps grinning over at Marcus.

5. Robert gives his rose to Crazy Clare. Crazy Clare is happy because there are other guys that will be coming in so she’s hopeful that she’ll have a connection with one of those guys.

6. Ben has the final rose to give out. He gives it to Sarah. The jerk actually has a heart, who knew?!?

Sorry Daniella but you’re going home. Even though you partied with Ben, evidently that wasn’t enough of a connection for him. He told Daniella that she was safe and now she’s in tears in the reject limo trying to understand what happened.

Marcus and Lacy are walking back to the house and he said that he wanted to make it very clear to Lacy that he is very interested in her. Then a big thing of lightning and thunder come across our screens so I don’t know what that means.

Now we have previews for next week, Harrison confronts Crazy Michelle and she keeps slamming the door. A shocking hook-up ended in tragedy. Chris B. comes into the house and flirts with Elise and Dylan is not happy about it. Marcus and Lacy seem to be happy in love and Robert is not happy! One of the guys has a girlfriend. Michelle M. is bawling about it.

Alright that’s the end of this first episode and I have to admit, it’s not as horrible as I was fearing. I really thought we were getting into a train wreck, but it wasn’t that bad! Here’s hoping the whole season exceeds my expectations, not that they’re super high, but hopefully we can have an entertaining 6 or 7 weeks!

Until next week,


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