Bachelor in Paradise Episode 4

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Those of you in Lincoln could probably hear me screaming NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo as about halfway through the episode and when I was literally in the middle of typing a sentence my computer decided it needed to preform an update and deleted my blog and didn’t save the drafts like it normally does.

I blame meat-head Cody for this, because it was right around the time he came on my screen and asked Clare to go on a date that my computer crashed.

Don’t worry, he still seems just as awkward and annoying now in his bro-tank as he did on Andi’s season. After Clare rejects him and doesn’t go on the date with him, he gives his date-card to Marcus. Marcus & Lacy are going to go on a date together.

Since the first episode it seems that Lacy has toned it down. She’s not the crazy girl. She’s the girl that’s in a relationship with Lacy and they are smitten with each other and they haven’t said they’re in love with one another YET! Lacy wants Marcus to be open about his feelings and it’s not gonna scare her away. Well Marcus slipped and said “I love everything about you….” then there was an awkward pause where he realized what he said and Lacy was giddy but scared to say it back to him so instead they just made out.

Zack has ALL of his eggs in Crazy Clare’s basket in-case we were wondering. And they need to talk about eggs in baskets about a million times. They “make-up” from their fight and make-out.

Michelle is STILL single in-case we forget that in the last hour. And she’s hoping that someone is gonna come down the beach. Well walking down the beach is Kalon.

Michelle gives a run-down of Kalon’s history to Marquel and those that may have not been around when he was on Emily’s season. You all remember Kalon, he’s the douchebag who called Emily’s daughter Little Ricki baggage! And then has fully embraced the “villain” status on Twitter by posting controversial tweets.

Kalon is just looking out for hot girls when he gets to paradise and decides to ask out the only single mom on a date. And she stupidly says yes because she’s single. And then he shows how awesome of a guy he is by talking about how hot Michelle is, how crazy she is and how he would like to do certain things to her that he shouldn’t mention on TV.

The next morning Michelle comes up and visits Kalon and talks about how offended she has felt over what Kalon has said and done. Over respect to her friend Emily, Michelle isn’t going to go on a date with her. Kalon is now looking for a date and he goes up to Jackie and Sarah and asks if Jackie will go on a date with her. Jackie said that a date would not be beneficial to go on. After Jackie leaves he comes up and sits next to Sarah and talks to her though she was there when Jackie just rejected him. So Sarah rejects him too.

Kalon has this adventure in the palm of his hand and no one wants to leave his comfort zone. He does a Bachelor first, and goes on a One-on-None date. He goes on the date by himself. He repels into a cave by himself. He goes swimming. He said this a very romantic place for him to fall in love with himself. Good Lord……..he talks to himself in the hot-tub and it’s just obnoxious, just like him.

The guys were feeling good about themselves because there were 7 guys and 6 girls. And Kalon went on a date by himself so they all felt like they were safe. Jesse Kovacs comes in and everyone talks about his reputation of a playboy.

Jesse asks Jackie to go on a date and she said yes, which has Marquel not happy. Jesse was smart and asked Jackie because she’s the only girl that’s not sitting next to a guy or holding hands or talking to a guy. Well besides Michelle who’s still single. Though I think Michelle and Jesse have history from Bachelor Pad together. So Jesse and Jackie go on their date and Jesse is laying it on real thick because he has one night before the rose ceremony and he wants a rose.

Jackie called Jesse out on strategizing to get the rose and he panicked for a minute, but then took a drink from his wine glass and he recovered and got Jackie hook, line and sinker, though I was urging her to be smart and to stay with Marquel instead of Jesse but she’s a goner and is a stupid, stupid girl. Jesse wants to stay to possibly meet up with other girls and he knows that Jackie is his only way to do that.

Michelle is sitting next to Meat-head Cody and she sees everyone else is coupled up and then getting a massage and she wants one from him. And she’s in love and smitten and since she’s been here she’s been single and not dated anyone, oh wait except for Marquel. Marquel was right when he called you out on your drinking Michelle if you don’t remember that. Goodness!!!!!!!!

Angsty Ashlee and Zack are talking in a hammock. Angsty Ashlee tells Zack that Clare is Crazy Clare and then brings up what happened between Juan Pablo and Crazy Clare in the ocean. Angsty Ashlee evidently is aware of all the cameras and doesn’t want to be on all of the cameras and doesn’t want certain conversations to be on the camera. Angsty Ashlee will only say nice things on the camera and isn’t real. Lacy is mad and just wants her to be real on the camera.

Lacy went to tell Crazy Clare what Angsty Ashlee was feeling guilty about talking to Zack about. Though this conversation was on camera so it would’ve come out anyway. Michelle thinks it was classless for Lacy to say anything, though with the producers the way they are this would’ve come out anyway. Especially with no sort of entertainment in the house.

Graham talks about how he’s scared when girls get the “piercing eyes” or as it’s better known as the CRAZY EYES! Well Graham tells Robert that he’s concerned about Ashlee in this moment because she’s so nice and she’s gonna get eaten alive.

Well Crazy Clare is going off on Zack and Zack is telling her to calm down. Crazy Clare thinks that Angsty Ashlee is a bitch and she shouldn’t have trusted her. Zack said he’s not here for gossip or for cattiness, he just wants to be here with Crazy Clare. She is now crying and stomps away and is SUPER DRAMATIC.

Robert is the middle man for the guys of the crazy girls to come and talk to. As Zack is now confiding that things got crazy with him and Crazy Clare. Crazy Clare and Angsty Ashlee are have a stare down next to a campfire that everyone else is at. And Sarah is concerned because these are two strong personalities.

The girls finally walk away. Angsty Ashlee pretends that she’s concerned about Crazy Clare and said that they are friends. Crazy Clare said that she did not have sex with Juan Pablo in the ocean and she can’t believe that she said something to Zack. Angsty Ashlee is now playing the gracious girl and acting like she didn’t say or do anything wrong. She also tries to apologize and then asks if Crazy Clare wants to hug it out with her. Crazy Clare said that she’s good. We don’t have any punches thrown, but they walk away from one another frustrated and Angsty Ashlee is in tears because she wants to help everyone she’s in contact with and wants to be friends with everyone and doesn’t understand why Crazy Clare won’t be her friend.

We are now at the Rose Ceremony/cocktail party of the evening! Chris Harrison makes his first appearance of the evening. He reminds us that the girls are handing out the roses and that 2 of the 8 guys will be heading home. Jackie and Michelle are the only single girls that aren’t paired up with anyone and that leaves Kalon, Marquel, Jesse and Meat-head Cody to attempt to get roses.

Meat-head Cody decides to be smart and goes after Michelle and tells her that he really likes her. And of course she eats that up, because in-case you didn’t know she was single this episode until this moment. Lacy & Marcus are watching Meat-head Cody and Michelle make out and know that they’re together. They then commentate that the only rose up then is Jackie’s.

Jesse is going all out and putting all the stops out for Jackie to give him a rose. And poor Marquel is gonna be going home and then Jackie is not gonna get Jesse’s rose tomorrow, so this is a lose-lose situation.

Well Michelle has decided that even though it was wrong of Lacy to tell Crazy Clare what Angsty Ashlee said. It is wrong of her to not tell Graham what went down, since he had been oblivious to it. Graham looks like he’s in a bunch of pain over it, enough where he gets soda from the bartender. Then Michelle takes him outside to talk to him.

Graham wants Angsty Ashlee to be herself and doesn’t want her to be an actress. I have no idea why Michelle has waited until this moment to bring it up, other than just to give us some excitement for this rose ceremony. Michelle wants Graham to reject Angsty Ashlee’s rose at the rose ceremony. She tells us that in her interview and we cut to commercial break.

We come back from the break and it’s time to hand out roses.

1. Lacy gives her rose to Marcus
2. Crazy Clare gives her rose to Zack
3. Angsty Ashlee gives her rose to Graham and he walks outta the room and said “give me a second”

There’s lots of whispers that happen, everyone watches him walk behind the production crew. Michelle follows him to see if he’s okay. And the episode ends with “TO BE CONTINUED….” I guess we’ll see what happens tomorrow!

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