We’ve made it to the DRAMATIC season finale of Bachelor in Paradise!!!!!! Don’t worry everybody I heard that they have renewed this show for as season 2, so I guess the phrase YOPO (You only Paradise Once) is a lie!
Everyone is getting ready for the day and has anxiety and is wondering what’s gonna happen! They are all congregating in the living room and I have to ask what in the world is Angsty Ashlee wearing?!?! There are SO MANY things wrong with her outfit. The denim jean jacket vest, the white string bikini top that is just awkward and is really separating things, her head dress thingy, and bracelets that are around her elbows and then a bracelet on her wrist that then becomes an 80’s hand glove type thing and she looks stoned. Though Graham tells her she looks lovely, so what do I know?
Harrison walks in and everything is very anxious and scared. Harrison said that everyone came for love and some people have been here since the beginning and others have come later. From here on out it’s about the people in this room and the relationships that have been formed.
Harrison asks everyone to look hardcore at their relationships and he’s going to ask if the relationships can make the transition from Paradise to the real world? To some that will be an easy question, for others not so much. If at the end of the conversation it’s not there they have to pack their bags and leave. Don’t fool yourself, don’t fool others and DO NOT FOOL CHRIS HARRISON!!!!
Well of course Michelle Money doesn’t hear exactly what Harrison said, because she looks in a panic around the room and says “I have to decide right now if I’m marrying him?” Speaking of Meat-head Cody. No honey, you just have to decide if you want to keep dating him in real life. Though that has to make Meat-head Cody feel awesome about himself, that you’re absolutely terrified of the idea of marrying him, when he’d marry you right this second.
Michelle Money uses the age old saying of “When you know you know….and I feel like I know….or maybe I don’t know….I don’t know.” So that means you don’t know and break up with him now.
Well instead of having the conversations with the people they’re actually in a relationship with, we have to do a typical Bachelor thing and have the guys all go back to their room and the girls theirs.
Jackie & Zack are not in love with one another but may want to continue to get to know one another.
Meat-head Cody is all in for Michelle but doesn’t know where she is at. Michelle is in a hard place because she’s a mom, and wants to feel 100% but she’s not into it so she shouldn’t force it.
Of course Angsty-Ashlee is all in and wants to continue her relationship. She loves Graham but to really be in love she needs to be in real-life scenarios. And that is ticking Michelle off. Graham still wants to find things out about her so he’s obviously not as in as she is. Angsty Ashlee’s goal is for Graham to be happy and to love on him.
And Michelle has to run away from the girls after Angsty Ashlee’s speech and she said she has to go and talk to Graham. Michelle needs her to go home. I’m sorry Michelle but you should’ve said something earlier and not waited until now, though the producers have to be happy that you’ve given them something to use on this episode.
Lacy puts it best when she said that Angsty Ashlee is delusional. Angsty Ashlee is saying “Poor Michelle” when Michelle goes running off. Her heart is heavy for Michelle and she starts to cry because Michelle and her are best friends. Lacy then is smart and asks Angsty Ashlee if she’s worried that Michelle is going to talk to Graham about her and Angsty Ashlee is not afraid of the conversation and knows that Michelle will only say good things.
Michelle tells the camera that besides her family Graham is the best person that’s come in her life. That is one heck of a compliment, that I think most people would love to hear about themselves and that gives Graham a little more respect in my book. And honestly I can root more for Michelle & Graham together than I can for them with their respective partners, urgh!
Michelle tells Graham that she’s more concerned about Angsty Ashlee’s relationship with Graham than she is her own relationship with Meat-head Cody. Michelle thinks that Angsty-Ashlee is not genuine and she’s just here to be on the show and that she’s not here for Graham and he deserves better and she’s not the one for him.
Graham lays his head on Michelle’s shoulder and she wraps her arms around him and they seem more real and close than they do with either partner and Michelle is saying that it’s time for Angsty Ashlee and Graham to break up.
Graham and Angsty Ashlee are going to be the first of our couples to have a conversation. Graham leads her away from all the girls and takes her to the beach. He doesn’t take her to one of the comfy chairs or couches we’ve seen all season. Instead they get the hard wood picnic beach.
He asks how she’s doing, she starts to respond, thinks better of it and asks him how he’s doing. He said that he’s feeling great and that he worries about them outside of this. This is a great place to connect and they’ve had their mis-steps here so how are they going to do in the real world?!? How are they going to be where Harrison wants them to be? Well Crazy-eyes are starting to come out, and Angsty Ashlee is NOT happy. She talks about how it’s not as intense as he’s making it out to be and she can stand on her own two feet. Angsty Ashlee doesn’t want marriage or a love proclamation, she just wants to see what it’d be like in the real world. Graham said he doesn’t think he can continue on and he’s sorry. Angsty Ashlee said that she knew it and how in her interviews she’s said she’s the lucky one and he said that he’s done the same. Graham doesn’t think they make it last outside of this place and it’s not just the distance, it just doesn’t feel 100% correct. Angsty Ashlee is trying to make him feel bad by saying her heart is someplace different than his. Graham said he feels sad and doesn’t feel the relief he thought he would (when he watches this back and sees how crazy she is he’ll feel better!) They hug it out one last time, where she has her eyes closed and is savoring it while he’s awkwardly holding her. She walks away, he puts his hands through his hair and then as he’s turning away, she calls back to him, comes back and said that “I don’t want it to be like this,” and he hugs her again. He tells us in the interview that it sucked but he knew it was the right choice.
He’s on the beach and Michelle sees Angsty Ashlee come up the stairs and Michelle goes running after him and gives him a hug on the ocean. Graham is wiping away tears and said that Angsty Ashlee handled the break-up pretty well. Jackie comes and consoles Angsty Ashlee. And she feels like a fool. Angsty Ashlee is doing the ugly cry and is driving away in the reject van and she said she’s still the lucky one because Graham liked her.
Tasos and Christy sit down for a talk and Tasos said that there’s still a disconnect between them and they aren’t at the marriage point because they’ve known each other for like 2 days, so they hug it out and leave.
Zack and Jackie are talking about the timing isn’t great between the two of them and Jackie said that it’s over and Zack said he wishes he had more time to get to know her, but he respects her decision and the 2 of them are done.
Meat-head Cody is head over heels with Michelle and sees a future with her that he hasn’t seen with anyone else. Michelle is staring out into the ocean and she talks about how up and down she’s been.
Sarah and Robert talk about how they aren’t packing their bags and are going to stay and are happy. Lacy and Marcus are hanging out on the hammock.
And Michelle needs to feel as confident in Meat-head Cody as Lacy does with Marcus. Because Lacy & Marcus are a match-made-in-heaven. Michelle said it’s as if someone has a gun to her head and is asking her “are you in or out?” No Michelle it’s not that dramatic, CALM DOWN!
WOW!!!! We have Couples Therapy with Juan Pablo and Nikki on VHI this season…..I’m sorry but without watching this at all, I have to say, if you are in couples therapy while you’re only dating you probably should break-up. It shouldn’t be that hard and if you’re not in love with her at this point you probably won’t ever be in love. Break-up with him Nikki!!!!!!
Michelle is trying to connect her life here in Paradise with her life back home. So she calls home and talks to her daughter who’s 9 and needs advice on a cute boy. She’s in tears and Michelle’s daughter is more mature than she is. She gives the advice that as a mom Michelle should be giving her daughter. Bri says that it doesn’t matter if Cody is cute or not, it just depends on his personality. Do they have a lot in common. Michelle starts to cry more and smile and you can tell that she’s going to say yes to Meat-head Cody at that point.
All the boys come back to the girls place. We have 3 couples left and Harrison walks in and greets Michelle & Meat-head Cody, Sarah & Robert and Lacy & Marcus.
Harrison goes through the couples and said that he’s not surprised to see Marcus & Lacy but it’s been a pleasure watching the 2 of them fall in love the last couple weeks. He’s pleasantly surprised to see Sarah & Robert, which makes Robert laugh. They evidently live 10 minutes apart which is crazy and they had to come to Mexico to find love.
Meat-head Cody is a newcomer and he’s head over heels in love with him and Michelle tells us that he’s so genuine and the best guy she’s ever met before and it’s a lot to take in but it’s been what she’s waiting for.
Harrison said that the 6 of them want to take the next step and the next step is they each get one more date and they’re gonna have difficult real raw emotional conversations. Harrison mentions that love isn’t always easy, which he knows because he is recently divorced. The dates are overnight dates and if it’s not there after that date they can leave one another.
Lacy is excited to have her overnight date and it’s the most similar to how a real life night will be.
Sarah is excited to have alone time and thinks it will be really romantic and intimate.
Michelle didn’t think she’d have an overnight date to deal with and they have to figure it out tomorrow. Michelle is hyperventilating and again, this doesn’t seem like the healthiest thing for their relationship.
Harrison announces the dates start in one hour and he hopes to see everyone tomorrow morning.
Sarah is so excited about her overnight date because there are certain implications that go alone with an overnight date and she’s excited and nervous about it.
Marcus is hoping that Lacy will finally tell him that she loves him.
Sarah & Robert go straight into a hotel room. Sarah tells us she’s watched the overnight dates on tv growing up and they are so romantic. And then she says the killer line “I’m so happy to spend this time with him….no pressure!” Honey, you just got done talking about how high of expectations you have over what you’ve watched on this television show and what you think happens behind closed doors and you think is so romantic, isn’t that the definition of pressure for poor Robert?!?
Robert is happy to be with Sarah and away from craziness. They put on their swimming suits and are in the hot tub. They start making out. Sarah said she’s with the hottest guy and she’s happy and excited for Robert to get to know her in all the ways possible without the cameras there. They look happy as they’re in their robes putting the do not disturb sign on the door for the night.
We’re back to Marcus & Lacy. Where Marcus is whispering sweet nothings to Lacy. Lacy tells us in her interview that the next guy she said she loves is it for her and Marcus understands that. On the date, Marcus is done with his sweet nothings and it’s Lacy’s turn, she said that he completes her, which I found really cute is that Marcus winks at her. She grins and continues that her heart is all his and Marcus counters that his heart is all Lacy’s. Then because it hurts too much for her to hold in anymore she tells him that he’s everything she ever wanted, he has a hard time believing that when he says “everything?!?!” and she confirms everything. She whispers to him that she loves him and he leans in for the kiss.
What I like about the way she did it, is that it seems very real and that it wasn’t for the cameras. It was just for him and she wasn’t putting on an act. We then get silhouette shots of them making out. Lacy said looking in his eyes there is no doubt that he’s the one. They have been waiting for this and more.
And now we’re too Michelle & Meat-head Cody and Michelle said she has to decide right now if she’s in or out. Evidently the Bachelor Producers didn’t think they’d get through this date, as they get the outside date on the beach, where it’s windy as crap since the other 2 dates were inside. Meat-head Cody tells us that he’s willing to do whatever it takes to be with her. She wants to feel a little bit of real life with her while he can and she needs the fantasy suite with him and he’s all in. She does warn him that he’s not getting laid tonight and he laughs and asks for a kiss.
Alright well it’s morning and Lacy & Marcus are feeling great about morning. We get more wildlife photos of them and they are cuddling and being all in love and stuff. Robert and Sarah walk up the path holding hands and Robert sounds relieved that they’re back. His hair is a lil more flat than normal. Robert said that the overnight date was perfect and she seems to be smiling and happy. Dear lord Michelle tells us that after their night together she’s sore and she’s no longer confused and she has a boyfriend!
Sarah all of a sudden turns into the jealous snotty girl that we saw last week with Brooks. She’d been all sorts of happy until she notices how affectionate Cody & Michelle and Marcus & Lacy are being. However, Sarah I have to point out that you’re not being affectionate to Robert, he does have his arm around you, but what are you doing to show him some love? I feel like you’re too high maintenance.
Sarah is so upset now because Robert didn’t sleep with her. Which makes me like Robert even more!!! TEAM ROBERT! Sarah said that Robert wanted to go to sleep and he wore jeans under the covers, I do have to say that Robert tweeted that he did not wear jeans under the covers so believe who you want, but since Sarah is miss over-dramatic, I choose to believe team Robert!
Sarah is mad that Robert didn’t want to be physical with her and she doesn’t understand why. And she feels rejected. I’m sorry but I’m gonna go on a rant here….Sarah the reason that you feel rejected by Robert has nothing to do with the fact that you have one arm. Robert has treated you like a queen since you two have started dating on this show. Has he been adorably awkward, absolutely! Has he kissed you, yes he has. Has he had his arm around you? Did he not threaten to kill Brooks last week if he asked you out on a date? How can you feel rejected by all of that? Maybe he has different values than you and that’s the reason he didn’t sleep with you. Not because of you, but maybe because of him?
I also don’t understand why Sarah’s mad about living in dating limbo….Sarah you do understand that you were at Paradise for 3 weeks! Literally 3 weeks. I know the show was shown over 7 weeks, but reality Steve said they left at the beginning of June and were back 21 days later. So in real life, I feel like you’re dating a guy for 21 days it’s okay to not know that he’s the love of your life and you need to be married right now.
Sarah was happy until she started comparing herself to other relationships. She walked up the drive and was happy. When it was Marcus, Lacy, her and Robert in the room she was happy. It wasn’t until she saw that Michelle & Meat-head Cody were happy that she was all of a sudden a crazy mess. I’m sorry but Meat-head Cody & Michelle’s physical relationship isn’t going to last if that’s all that it’s based on. She was wish-washy and once the fizzle goes out of the physical part of the relationship, there goes the whole relationship!
Robert was a gentleman and that is something I have mad respect for. Robert, I am more than willing to be with a guy like you. Who does romantic gestures and says sweet things, how dare you….that is something that most girls would die for.
You can tell that this breakdown of Sarah is coming out of left field for Robert. He said that he was falling in love with her and he doesn’t understand where this is coming from. He thought she felt the same way he did and he’s actually very sad right now. Evidently no sex means no relationship when it comes to Sarah. #TEAMROBERT!
He leaves walking down the beach and she starts the ugly cry. Michelle & Lacy come running up to her to comfort her. She tells them that she has to end it with him because he didn’t hook up with her. His lack of interest in her is supposedly unacceptable.
The fact that he was taking it slow and building a relationship and didn’t want to scare her by telling her he loved her. He’s now crying doing his interview and it makes me sad and I want to reach out and give him a hug through the car.
Sarah is crying and wants to leave Paradise happy and in love and the reason that she isn’t is because she’s not mature enough to just be in her own relationship and had to judge it against others. It’s gonna be real awkward now when they run into each other at the grocery store back home!
Harrison wants to talk to Michelle & Meat-head Cody and Lacy & Marcus. They are at the area that we have our cocktail parties at. Harrison is very happy for the 4 that remain. They now have to take their love from Paradise to their hometowns.
He has to bring back the success stories that the Franchise has to tell us how they can handle this transition.
We get Jason & Molly, Sean & Catherine and Chris & Des. Sean tells us that they are the experts and they will give awesome advice.
We have Jason & Molly sitting down with Marcus to ask the hard-hitting questions about how this is different than his relationship with Andi. Now Jason & Molly were the season before I started re-watching the show so I don’t have an emotional tie to them, but I do feel like Molly looks different than I’ve seen her on other reunion type shows, is it her hair maybe? Marcus tells us that what he feels for Lacy is above anything he felt for Andi or anything from his past relationships.
Jason & Molly are the old married couple with kids, Sean & Catherine are the newlyweds and Des & Chris are the engaged couple, so they have different advice for the 2 couples left based on that.
Lacy tells Sean & Catherine that she’s open to move anywhere. She’d be open to move to Dallas, and he’s going to visit San Diego and they’ll figure out a compromise and what works best for them.
Des & Chris are sitting with Michelle & Meat-head Cody and Des tells us that she loves the 2 of them together, mostly because she’d never put the 2 of them together.
Sidebar, I forgot how much Des looks like Joey Potter from Dawson’s Creek (who yes I know is Katie Holmes, but it struck me again seeing her on the beach like this.) Also, don’t you think it’s awkward for her (and Chris) to be around Sean & Catherine? I mean she was pretty dang desperate when Sean dumped her. I know it’s ancient news and he’s now married, but that would be MORTIFYING to be around the guy you embarrassed yourself over on national television all the time and you can’t say or do anything about it because of the contract you signed.
Jason & Molly talk about the blended family and relationship. And that it’s a big deal and can Cody be a dad to Michelle’s daughter?
We then get rapid-fire questions to the couples and not shocking Marcus & Lacy seem to be on top of all of their questions. We keep getting told that Michelle & Cody are a legit couple and the way they prove that, is for Meat-head Cody to lift Michelle above his head like a bench-press.
We have the final roses because as Chris Harrison so eloquently says, “this is in-fact the Bachelor.” We have Cody & Michelle go first and we have the 6 successful Mount Rushmore couples sitting by so we’re able to get crowd views as they give these long speeches to one another as they are asking if they’ll accept the final roses. First Cody gives his rose to Michelle Money. Then Michelle gives her rose to Cody Code and talks about how he came at the right time and wore his heart on his sleeve and has made her feel loved and thought of Bri constantly has made her feel so loved. That dynamic duo of girls is going to change his life. Michelle is the spice and Cody code is the sugar and they go together so well. He accepts her rose, they love each other and make-out. They then awkwardly walk off into the sunset on the beach as the Mount Rushmore couples stay for Marcus & Lacy.
Marcus is sweating and has a handkerchief to wipe it away. He takes a big sigh. Marcus asks for a second alone with Lacy first and walks down to the beach with her. Harrison said that they’ll be here. Everyone talks about how sweaty he is. Well there happens to be a dock and a camera perfectly set-up for the middle of the dock where they’re standing. There are vases decorating it and ocean in the background. They make out at first. It’s just the 2 of them.
Marcus said it’s been amazing getting to know her and being here. He gets chocked up talking about how she’s the greatest gift he’s received and even though he thought he knew what love was he was wrong. He just wants to make her the happiest girl in the world and just be by her side. Then he goes in his shorts pocket, grabs a ring box, gets on a knee and she starts bawling and is shocked, she said yes, kissed him and jumped in his arms.
Chris Harrison is ecstatic, the Mount Rushmore cheers, Catherine yells that she has a big fat diamond on her finger, and now I’m sad I didn’t get to see Neil Lane and want to know if Marcus picked out the ring with Neil Lane or how he got the ring and was away from Lacy that long without her noticing. They all hug them and these are people that they don’t know, so that has to be thrilling to get hugs from them. At least bring back Michelle & Cody Code!
Harrison brings this back around and makes them hand the final roses out to each other. They of course accept them. Lacy can barely get through it in her tears.
Harrison has everyone walk down the beach to say their final goodbyes.
Marcus & Lacy are giddy about being engaged and having a fiance.
Harrison ends the show by recapping the season and telling us about we’ve seen everything. Then we get a video montage, because we certainly don’t get nearly enough of those on this show!
We get recaps of what’s going on with our people:
*Sarah is still in LA looking for a guy
*Robert still sleeps in his jeans
*Graham is still mending his broken heart and has deleted his Instagram account that Angsty Ashlee stalked
*Crazy Michelle & the camera-guy Ryan Putz shockingly didn’t make it and as the Bachelor Producers said “They continue to make excellent life decisions.”
*Crazy Clare is in Sacramento and looking for her soulmate
*The raccoon hopes he gets chosen
*Chris & Elise broke up after 2 weeks in the real world
*Michelle & Meat-head Cody are still in love. He’s met her daughter and is moving to UTAH————WHAT?!?! Didn’t see that one coming! Of course he’s been in Iowa pumping up Farmer Chris for the Bachelor so who knows when he’s moving!
*Marcus & Lacy are in love, she’s moving to Dallas and they’re getting married this spring and there’s an 80/40 chance that they’ll have hot babies 🙂
Alright, this show wasn’t as horrible as I thought it would be. Let’s see what season 2 is like next Summer! In the meantime let’s brace ourselves for Farmer Chris’ season of the Bachelor which I think starts filming in the next month or so and will air in January!
See ya next year!!!