Chris’ Season Episode 2 “Kissing Zombies”

Sorry for the delay Bachelor friends! I watched the Championship Football game last night with friends and I like my job so I didn’t want to stay up until 2 in the morning blogging and be completely dead at work today. So my trusty DVR came to my rescue and I’m able to watch the show tonight with no commercials—WAHOOO!

Okay, before I jump into the episode, I found out last night via an Email from Twitter that evidently a girl from Canada came on my blog, and decided to copy and paste it to her blog and change a few words/sentences here and there and pass it off as her own. The only reason I even found out about it, was as if that was not enough she then went to Twitter and told them that my tweet that directed to the site was plagiarizing her and I needed to take it down. Though the time-stamp on this blog, plus my Tweet time-stamp clearly shows that I had this info up first.

I’m confused as to what her thought process was here?!? I’m happy that I didn’t post last night because she had to then see what she was going to do with her blog. Which by the way is a really random blog and not about the Bachelor, but she has my post on there. We’ll see if a second recap makes it on there or not. As of 10:30 CST on January 13, 2015 no blog post from her site. All I’m asking is if you want to put this recap up there please just cite your sources. These are just my opinions on here, and I do this blog for fun. Please don’t take that away from me!

Alright, sorry for all that crap, I didn’t want to do it, but felt like I had to as it was quite surreal. I guess you can say I’ve officially made it in the blogging world, I’ve been copied/pasted/edited and passed off as someone else’s work! I should call it a career, and if I were doing it for the fame I would…but since I’m doing it just to talk Bachelor I’ll continue!

Speaking of Bachelor world, the news of Andi and Josh breaking up broke late last week. I gotta say that these two kids really did try outside the Bachelor bubble. I follow them both on Twitter and since they’re both in Atlanta, they’ve been seeing one another quite a bit and seem active in each other’s lives. However, it just didn’t work out. I gotta say when I first heard the news, I was more happy for Josh. I don’t like how once someone is the lead on the show they get under my skin more and I tend to root against them then for them…so I was rooting for Josh more than Andi. I just really hope that’s not the case with Farmer Chris.

Hey Farmer Chris, let’s talk about him now since he is the man of the hour (or 2 hours as the case may be)!

We start off the episode with how we ended it and Kimberly coming back in. When Farmer Chris sees her I want to know if he remembers that she didn’t actually give her a rose, he did give a rose to 22 girls and it’s been a LONG night/day. Kimberly’s in tears. Chris is trying to look sympathetic but I think he just really wants to go to bed. The girls are all sitting on the ground where the rose ceremony is located. Farmer Chris goes and talks to Chris Harrison and asks for him to tell him what to do. Harrison tells Farmer Chris he’s gotta man up and make the call….and don’t worry about the 22 other girls, you gotta do what you gotta do and “it’s your life!” Well in walks Farmer Chris to the room where all the girls are still in their cocktail dresses, tired, drunk and catty as you can imagine and he’s holding Kimberly’s hand. The thing that made me LOL was a girl who yells out “OH NO!” You know that he can hear you and see your expressions. Some girls are PISSED, others seem to not really care and some are just daydreaming as Chris is talking and not listening to what he’s saying and are in their happy place so they have a smile on their face. Then he announces she’s staying and for some reason that I can only describe as TV Land they all start clapping.

Kelsey for the win “That was awkward!” She could say more but doesn’t need to, that’s exactly what it is! This whole show is awkward, welcome to Bachelor world!

So his house is right on the same property as the Mansion…that could be quite interesting. I want to know how much sleep they actually got, is this afternoon/evening/night the next day?!? Chris Harrison gives us the rules of the game and points out that Farmer Chris is right down the block and then urges the girls to find time to use their time wisely and points out that there are NO RULES. He leaves the date card, then once again mentions that CHRIS IS RIGHT DOWN THE DRIVEWAY and heads out.

First date card is a group date! SHOW ME YOUR COUNTRY! I feel like that is unique to this season. Most of the time I feel like it’s a one on one. But we’re going group date and drama! Girls on the date are:

1. Jade
2. Tandra
3. Ashley I
4. MacKenzie
5. Kimberly
and 6. Tara

The girls are ticked that Kimberly is here on this date as the other girls are staying at home. We’re going to start the date off by having a pool party because that seems like the most normal thing. It seems like they’re having a good time and there’s no making out in the pool because it’s 6 girls and him.

We get Kimberly getting the first one on one time with him. He’s glad she pulled him aside and they’re having a fresh start. His idea is to come around the corner and re-introduce himself. She’s smitten and so glad that he put her at ease!

Now back to the mansion. Megan and Jillian picked up on what Harrison had been laying down. They sneak over to Farmer Chris’ house. To be honest it’s hard for me to pay a lot of attention because there’s a black censor box on Jillian’s bikini bottom, so it must not be hiding things as well as it should. His motorcycle is in his house and they love it! Megan decides to put on the helmet and ram her head into EVERYTHING! She hits her head on the fridge, wall, brick, etc…this is weird.

Back to the date…the girls and Chris are walking down the streets of LA. The girls are walking in their bikinis and LA is showing their class by honking at them as they’re walking by. We get to downtown LA and we have tractors. We’re gonna do a Tractor race. The girls are ecstatic. I’m impressed they know how to start their engines and drive their tractors. I think most of the girls don’t realize that tractors aren’t go-carts. Maybe Chris should explain what tractors do….I am cracking up at Chris impression of how slow they are. His interview with the camera as he’s showing off his profile, reminds me of that old gag where someone pretends they’re walking down stairs when you know it’s a flat surface they’re walking on. Ashley I is the one who wins!

Back to the house. We see Juelia explaining to us that she has a daughter named Ireland. The girls are giving her a hard time about who the dad is. She explains that she was married and had Ireland, well her husband evidently killed himself right after she was born. And now I just want to give her a big giant hug and get her the heck off this show. She doesn’t need to be on National TV, she needs to find a nice guy and do it privately and not get hurt. I want to protect her so much. She feels guilty about him doing it and is crying and I’m just begging for someone to hug her! They are being supportive and she’s explaining that she wants to tell Chris about her daughter, but wants to explain it all and can’t do that in 5 minutes.

Okay, more light-hearted drama! We’re back to the group date and see the rose. Ashley I feels like she should get the rose because she’s had the most time with him. He ends up sending 5 girls home and Mackenzie is going to stay with him the rest of the night. The girls are happy that the rose is still on the table and hasn’t been given.

Mackenzie and Chris are going out to dinner. She asks if he’s been here before, he was way nicer than I was to her when he answered that he was in-fact in LA last season when he was here with Andi….ugh! We’re in a restaurant and he said he’s excited to have a normal date. There’s actually people around them, so it is a normal date!

Well here’s where we’re able to see the fact that Mackenzie is 21. The first thing she asks is if he ever had his ear pierced. He laughs and admit that he did and said that no one has ever noticed that before. I don’t know what she is on or if it’s just nerves or what….but she’s giggling and can’t spit out her thought. She’s trying to tell him what she finds the most attractive about a guy but can’t stop giggling, he’s giving her the look and his hand is raised as in please help me. Then she says a guy needs to have a prominent big nose. He looks at the camera and I’m assuming producer as if he wants to kill them for this getting pointed out and wondering if this is real. Since they can’t talk to him, he goes for the beer. She’s now still talking about noses, using her hand to gesture about a nose and I want her to get off the topic quickly.

Well she does! But it’s worse. We’re now talking aliens. She wants to know if he believes in them. He is trying SO HARD to not offend her or anyone who’s watching. The answer is obviously no, if you know how to pick up social cues, but he’s trying to stay PC. He’s so confused as to why they’re talking about aliens and big noses on the first date.

Mackenzie talks about how she hasn’t been on a date since a year. He admits he’s right there with her. Which makes sense since he was auditioning to go on the Bachelorette, then on the show, then going thru the process to be the Bachelor, then filming this.

She tells him that the reason why she hasn’t been on a date in a year and it’s freaking her out is that she has a kid. She kinda whispers it, and it’s loud in this restaurant so he makes sure he heard her. Considering what she’d been talking about earlier he wanted to make sure she said CHILD and not kid as in a baby goat. He seems surprised that she has a kid, but is then super supportive and tells her he’s impressed with her raising him by herself. They talk about Kale and she sees more normal and is a cute braggy mom. She loves him and he finds that attractive about her. Chris said he’s 33 so kids don’t scare him. He gives her the rose and she’s ecstatic. After she accepts the rose they dance, kiss and call it a night.

Next date card! Megan gets the date card! Love is a natural wonder! She plays dumb and that she doesn’t know what a date card is. She thinks it’s just a love note from Chris.

Next morning Megan is ready for her date. Chris comes and picks her up. They go on a private plane and then land in Vegas and go into a helicopter. She has been smiley so far the whole trip and freaking out about every little thing. I hope she’s genuine and this excited and it isn’t an act.

They fly over the Hoover Dam and then are flying over the Grand Canyon in a helicopter. They land at the bottom of the Canyon. They are whispering as they seem to be in awe over it. It is such a picturesque scene.

Megan talks about her journey on this trip. Her boss convinced her to sign up in July. She got the call to come for the next part of the audition a week later. Then 3 days after that her dad was rushed to the hospital. He was found unconscious in the neighborhood. They tried to shock him and it didn’t work. They put him on a ventilator. He had a massive heart attack and brain damage. He ended up passing away and Megan didn’t know what to do and wanted to stay with her mom, but her mom decided she needed to come on this show. (I feel like now is a good time to throw out a reminder that this show is filmed around October I believe).

She’s teary eyed as she tells the story, and Chris is a very good listener. He takes it all in stride and holds her hand as she tells her story. You can tell that he cares for her. She goes in for the kiss and he seems to like her. They are both very very smiley and seem to be at ease with one another. He feels there’s something between them and gives her the rose. She thanks him. They make out some more and she’s fallen. This date is one of the more normal first dates we see and I’m a fan!

Back to mansion with the next date card. “To death do us part”

1. Kelsey
2. Trina
3. Alissa
4. Tracy
5. Jillian
6. Becca
7. Amber
8. Ashley
9. Juelia
10. Kaityln
11. Britt

Jillian tells us that death is zero parts romantic and that she’s hoping that the date is better than riding tractors around in a bikini. Who wants to tell Jillian that chances are she’ll be driving a couple tractors, or surrounded by lots of tractor drivers in Iowa?!?

We get to the date and they’re people coming up to the limos and the girls are screaming their heads off. They are having their worst nightmare and are not thrilled to see Chris when he comes thinking he’s gonna hurt them. They are going to kill zombies with paint ball guns. We have to split into groups and need to shoot zombies. Ashley wants to know what girls she’s allowed to shoot. Chris keeps explaining to her that she is going to shoot people out there, not the girls.

I hate to tell you all, but Ashley was not just super drunk like I hoped she had been the first night. Unless she’s just perpetually drunk. She is looking for an excuse to hurt these girls and she just found it! All the girls are screaming as they’re shooting their guns. Ashley is not screaming at all. She’s stoic and walking wherever she wants and shooting people multiple times. I love that Chris isn’t even trying to be super nice with her, he just said that she’s kinda crazy.

Jordan, our student, is without a date this week. She’s super drunk and evidently isn’t super intimidated by any of the girls on dates. As she’s giving her interview she has her glass of wine right there with her.

Back to group date! The girls are asking Ashley S. questions the same way that I ask my friend’s 2.5 year old daughter questions. You want to see what they’re gonna say because you know it’s gonna be ridiculous and they don’t know any better…however she’s a grown woman so she should.

Kaitlyn tells Chris that she wants to just have fun on a date and not have a serious conversation with him. He said he’s all for that. Which I don’t blame him…it would be exhausting to have deep conversation after deep conversation, but you’re here for your wife! I don’t know if she can’t live in Germany with her ex boyfriend what makes you think she’s gonna move to Iowa. He evidently thinks she will because he makes out with her!

Chris goes up and says hi to Ashley. He hugs her and she is so out of it. I think he thinks she’s drunk. She told him not to worry about it. He has no idea what he’s not supposed to worry about. She then tells him that he should hide. She wants to play hide and seek. He asks if she should hide first or him and she got confused what they were doing. Chris said it best “She says something intelligent and then she drifts off to something I don’t understand.” As he’s giving his interview, she comes out of the shadows and he’s trying to take care of her. He’s trying to figure out if this process has somehow broken her and there’s more to her or what…

He’s trying so hard to not laugh at her. The most intelligent thing that Ashley said to him is that he doesn’t want to lose the whole world, but he doesn’t want to gain the whole world either! She then decides to go and talk to some kitties and get it all squared away.

We’re done with that crazy train. He gets to see Britt and he’s still WAY into her! Even the way he told her hi, his voice is quieter and more caring tone. He puts his arm around her and you can see him physically relax around her. He also breaks out a “holy snikkies” and I’m thrilled as that is a phrase I haven’t heard in forever and need to use more! They’re still making sure that they’re on the same page, they are and to prove it they make out. But he gives her a gift that says “Free Kiss from Chris” to throw back to his free hug.

Okay now he’s gonna give his rose out on the group date and gives it to Kaitlyn. She’s toned down a little bit since the first night, at least in a group setting, but I don’t know how long she’ll stick around.

Yea! We’ve made it to the cocktail party!

Whitney grabs him first for the one on one time. She didn’t get a date this week, so she set up her own date for them. He seems to be thrilled about this surprise and how understanding she’s gonna be. She gives him a bottle of whiskey and said that it’s her brother-in-law’s favorite and he’s from Iowa. Well it’s Chris’ favorite whiskey as well! He seems very pleasantly surprised by her!

Ashley I. tells Mackenzie & Megan that she’s a virgin and never had a boyfriend before and Mackenzie is thrilled. Evidently according to her boys love taking your virginity. She said that she can’t use it because she has a kid. Ashley and Chris have their one-on-one time right after this conversation. Ashley has her hair up in a “I dream of Jeanie” hairstyle. Well her dress also has some cut-outs, where her belly button isn’t showing. Unlike Barbara Eden though, Ashley breaks out the belly button so she can show Chris her pierced belly button. She calls it her magic lamp and gets to make 3 wishes on her belly button ring from now until she’s gone. He wishes to kiss her. Well they’re making out right in the middle of all the girls and for never having a boyfriend, she’s really going for it….it gets super awkward when she lays down on the couch and then they remember they’re in public and there are other girls around.

Well Britt wins the award for crying about Chris being her boyfriend and kissing other girls and her not liking it award. She just does it to the flight attendant Alissa though and not him.

Then randomly we see him with Amber and I don’t think they’ve said boo to each other before this moment, but she said she wants to kiss him, asks if it’s allowed and he said it is and she goes for it. She’s on cloud 9. That is until Jordan finds out about it and wants to hurt her.

Don’t worry Jordan’s really drunk again. She just wants to make out. She looks at the camera guy and he turns her down. So she interrupts Juelia and him and is definitely drunk. She puts a lot of lipstick on because she thinks he likes making out with girls that have a lot of lipstick. They’re not even trying to have a conversation, she luckily didn’t kiss him.

Alright, now it’s rose ceremony time! Let’s go!

The girls that got roses on the dates were:

1. Mackenzie
2. Megan
3. Kaitlyn

Now he’s handing out roses to:

4. Britt—-no first impression rose but she’s still a contender to get a rose that early
5. Ashley I
6. Trina
7. Kelsey—YEA!!!!!!!!!!
8. Samantha
9. Juelia
****Juelia was standing behind Jillian, and Chris didn’t enunciate real well, so Jillian was on her way up. Chris then repeated Juelia’s name. Jillian stopped, tried to back-track but ended up tripping on the rug. She was mortified and embarrassed so she started laughing.

10. Amber- guess the kiss worked
11. Tracy
12. Jillian
13. Jade
14. Nikki
15. Becca
16. Carly
17. Whitney

Final Rose
18. Ashley S.—-he has to think there’s some normal there….that or the producers made him keep her for the ratings.

Those going home are: Jordan (drunk girl this episode), Tara (drunk girl from first night), Kimberly (again), Alissa the flight attendant and Tandra.

Kiss count for the episode:
1. Mackenzie 2. Megan 3. Kaitlyn 4. Britt 5. Ashley I. 6. Amber

Next week we have Jimmy Kimmel taking over the role of Chris Harrison.

I’m predicting we’ll have more kisses and more girls crying! Until then, have a great week!

Lindsay

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