Hello dear readers!
We start this episode off with a bang. We have our bachelor snoring away, ominous music playing and Jimmy Kimmel standing above Chris and waking him up. Jimmy Kimmel is just as big of fan of the show as we are! He’s watched every episode and is ready for an amazing journey!
Chris Harrison has all the girls gathered in the living room and tells the girls that they all have another man in their lives. In walks Jimmy Kimmel and the girls go crazy. He says “Hey sister wives…” and then starts the jokes. Kimmel brings out the AMAZING jar, where every time the word AMAZING is said, a dollar has to be put in the jar.
Kaitlyn (our inappropriate jokster from the first night who toned it down last week) gets the first date. Kaitlyn asks Farmer Chris if Jimmy is joining them on the date and he said he has no idea.
Well 5 mins in and EXTRAVAGANT is the new amazing!
Kaitlyn and Chris get to go to an exclusive club with high ceilings. They’re in the limo drinking champagne and pull up to Costco. Kaityln is not impressed….honey if you ain’t impressed with Costco what are you thinking the shopping situation is in Arlington?!? They’d kill for a Target I’m sure, so don’t go looking down your nose at Costco.
What’s great is that the date card from Jimmy said that they’re visiting the most romantic place on earth and points out that this is what most people or normal couples do. He gave them a list and need to shop for all the items. You know what, she is a good sport about it and having fun with it and more power to her! This will be a getaway after you’re married and have kids, so you better enjoy it now!
They are talking about how normal and real it is and how they enjoyed it. Kaitlyn knows that she’ll get to do crazy things while she’s here, so she really enjoyed this. He admits his life is not glamorous and she said that’s what she liked about him. They start making out until they hear the car door slam. She’s trying to wipe off the red lipstick and they start giggling like teenagers. Then you can tell that Chris feels comfortable with her because he makes fun of her laugh and says she has a guy laugh, and she throws it right back at him and says he has a girly laugh.
Jimmy Kimmel walks up and interrupts them making out. Kaitlyn is making fun of Jimmy and he’s obviously giving it right back. Jimmy said it’s like he’s marrying another guy because she likes meat and drinks whiskey. Well Kimmel gets her to admit she watched some of last season and liked the Farmer. Kimmel tries to trip her up and asks if she likes all farmers or just this one. She said she’s dated farmers before. Kimmel wants to know what they farmed and she says they were legit farmers who had cows….but of course Kimmel now has to tease Chris and point out that they were legit farmers and he’s not. Kimmel specializes in asking the hard questions….
Kimmel is asking about the fantasy suites, he’s just not beating around the bush. He said that he assumes that in the fantasy suite there is people making love in there. Kaitlyn said that she’d assume the same. And said that she’d be okay if he went to the fantasy suite and went there with all 3 girls. Kimmel loves her. They make jokes that all 13 year old boys would love and they can’t stop giggling!
Alright, date card! Are you ready to meet some real animals?!?
Kimmel gives Farmer Chris the rose. Farmer Chris is pouring his heart out, Kimmel interupts him and Chris calls him a SOB. The amazing jar is ticking and Kimmel teases him about his wonderful way with words and asks if there are people there or just animals? They hug right over their third wheel and you can tell they connect and get along with one another! She’s winning me over with how she handled herself on this date. They’re in the hot-tub making out and Kimmel joins them and they just giggle about it.
Back at the house we see Jillian going absolutely crazy with working out. As in you may think you’re watching Jersey Shore the way she’s killing the work out. I’m intimidated with her & Kelsey made me crack up. She feels she needs to do push-ups since Jillian works out non-stop. She’s gonna put on kids size shorts.
Well we have an obstacle course to see who can win Chris’ heart. Let’s say they look way too cute. The first thing that they do is shuck corn and I’m shocked by how hard this is for some people. Come on, it’s corn!
Then we gotta go into the chicken coop where there are only a few eggs. You then have to crack the egg in a frying pan. You can’t get it right you’re eliminated.
Then onto the milking a goat and getting it to the red line and chugging it. Our girl Carly, who’s a cruise ship singer and Zak Waddel’s sister (he was on Des’ season of the bachelor, he was the shirtless guy the first night, was gonna study to be a priest but then left the seminary). Well she gets to the red line first and starts chugging the milk even though she’s lactose intolerant, she doesn’t care! This family has to be so proud!
Also, can we please comment on what the hell is ABC censoring us from with Jillian? Is her butt seriously that large that her shorts can’t fit around it, no matter what type of bottoms she’s wearing? Did ABC specially size this black modesty box that’s always following her around? What happens in public? Or at her job?
Kelsey is trying to drink it and not throw it up. She gets to the shoveling the manure race.
Then we have to get to wrestling pigs. Poor sweet Carly is trying to untie the rope and it isn’t working. Outta no where comes Jillian and her black modesty box hurling over the fence. Now her black modesty box is trying to wrestle a pig and she’s scaring the crap outta them. Well Carly is the winner and it’s her first blue ribbon that she’s won. They get to recreate the American Gothic photo of the farmer and his wife.
Jillian is proudly wearing her “Stay Classy” shirt and since this is just a face interview no black modesty box to be seen!
At the cocktail party they’re cheering the night and Carly doesn’t let him sit down before she steals him. I’m a little off-put by her calling herself a sweet girl, as I don’t really like complimenting oneself, but more power to her I guess. She then says that he’s a man and she’s a woman and she goes in for the kiss. He kisses her back, but in his interview he gives her the friend-zone seal by calling her a “nice girl.” Carly is cute in her interview, she’s talking to the person asking the questions and not the camera when she talks about how good of kisser he is.
It’s Amber’s turn now. She asks him to slow dance with her. They’re gonna make their own music and again that’s the only conversation they show them having, other than her telling him to imagine it’s their wedding and they dance and start making out.
Then the next scene is of him and Britt maybe making out.
Mackenzie is confused as to why he’s kissing all these girls. He must just be a pathological kisser. Or as Amber points out “he’s just trying to find his wife.” Well Mackenzie also gets it wrong when she says that she’s the first girl to get kissed, that honor went to Britt the first night, so you ain’t that special Mackenzie. We also see Mac playing the dumb young girl when she gets her one-on-one time with him. She makes this ridiculous face that even her one and a half year old would find odd. She asks him if he remembers when they kissed. He nods and comes out with a “mmmmhmmm” and that throws her, so then she goes with “so why are you kissing everyone else?”
Evidently Mac thought it was a Disney movie, where the prince kisses one princess and the show is over. Well ABC and Disney may be owned by the same people, but that’s not how we get the ratings on this show!
Chris is wishing he had Kaitlyn back who didn’t care about how many girls he went to the fantasy suite with and what he did in there. He tries to tip toe around the issue and said that he’s just putting himself out there right now. Well Mac realizes she put her foot in her mouth.
Becca and Chris are on a roof-top maybe…I didn’t know who she was until they showed her name on her interview. They’re holding hands and she’s thrilled it’s him as the Bachelor. She wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t worth leaving everything for. She knows that this show is a process, but he’s worth it and he’s ecstatic. They have this beautiful backdrop of the city. He goes in for a kiss, but she redirects him to a hug. Then she tells him that she’s not kissing him not because he’s kissing other girls, but she’s trying to act as normal as possible and she wouldn’t have let him on a normal date. Well he seems to like that challenge and said he understands he has to earn it. They’re still holding hands and he’s smiling, so I think Becca may have played that perfectly!
Kaitlyn runs to get the date card & Whitney is the one who get it. Today is gonna be fun, no whining! She’s in tears because she was left out of the dates last week.
Back to the group date and Chris is getting ready to hand out the date rose. He hands the rose to the person he made a further connection with and was impressed with. Becca gets the rose! She did absolutely play it perfectly! Leave them wanting more girls 🙂
Alright we’re going to Saddle Rock with Whitney and Chris. They look like Ken and Barbie. Maybe because it says they’re in Malibu. Maybe it’s because they’re in pink (which is my favorite color!). Probably because they’re tan and gorgeous.
Whitney asks him what he wants in a girl and I feel like she’s one of the first girls we’ve seen have a real conversation. She’s not giving a sob story, it’s an honest getting to know you, date question. Chris wants a girl that can walk into a crowd and become friends with anyone. At which points Whitney tells us that she makes friends in an airport to the point that she’s Facebook friends with them. He tells her that she’s very positive and genuine.
Behind them is a wedding and they want to crash the wedding. This is Whitney’s idea. They formulate their plan to figure out how they’re attached to the couple. How about how is the camera crew and the guy holding the boom pic above your head attached to the bride and groom? I feel like they’re gonna make it impossible for you to sneak up on the bride and groom.
They change their clothes, get a random gift for the couple. Now that they’re in the limo they’re worried about it. I guess they realize it’s hard for them to sneak with the camera guy, so they leave the cameras in the distance and go into the reception. People are gonna recognize them but they said that they’re engaged and they finished shooting already.
Well to crash a wedding, they decide to go and talk to the maid of honor. Chris does a horrible job at folding under the pressure. He realizes that Whitney is good at thinking on her feet, so he lets her take the lead. The mother of the bride tells them to enjoy themselves and go and dance. They’re having a blast. She doesn’t get the bouquet and she’s pissed.
Farmer Chris is smitten with her. As they’re slow dancing on the dance floor they start making out. He can absolutely imagine Whitney as his wife and I feel like that may be the first time we’ve heard that this season. He goes sprinting to a table to get a rose and give it to her. He doesn’t want her to move. He seems a little nervous giving her this rose, which I think really points out how much he likes her. When she accepts it, he exhales and then just gives her a giant hug at first and then makes out with her.
Okay, this is gonna prove my nerdiness and maybe more obsession with the show than I’d ever care to admit. However, when they’re dancing to this song I’m noticing the song in the background and realize I’m singing along to it, but it’s slightly different version than I know of the song. Well the song is “Love and Affection” and this song at least from how I know where it originated was on Chris and Des’ season. I think this was the song that they danced to and I know it’s the song at the end of the season when they showed all the highlights. The song is preformed by Matt White. I loved the song after I heard it on Des and Chris season so I bought the song and I play it all the time!
Alright back to the mansion. Chris is working out, then taking his outside shower with the help of Kimmel. The amazing jar is gettin more and more full. Kimmel announces no cocktail party. Instead we’re doing a pool party! Some girls find this more exciting than others.
Ashley I is very upset about the idea of a pool party. She was working real hard on her Kardashian look for the night….nothing says Arlington, IA quite like the Kardashians! The locals will find that real impressive!
Chris jumps in and it’s hard to keep track of what girl is which until I see the black modesty box floating around and I know that Jillian is in the pool!
Juelia comes and grabs Chris and she feels like a pool party is the perfect time to share her tragic story about her husband committing suicide. He wants to hear the story about what happened since she said she’s comfortable with talking about it. He’s doing a great job of being supportive but letting her get it out. Her husband evidently wrote a suicide note at work and told her about it when her daughter was 7 weeks old. She said he completely broke down in a way she’d never seen before. She was scared so she did the right thing and took her daughter and left the house. She talked to him that night and he said he’d check himself into rehab. The next day he texted her “I’m sorry, I love you.” She was driving home and she had a sinking feeling and started hyperventilating. She’s crying and I’m so heartbroken for her. Luckily Chris hugs her and comforts her the way anyone watching this would want to, but the way the girls last week did not. He also gets a tissue from a production person. He’s great because he hugs her and is there for and doesn’t try too hard. He tells her how strong she is. They hug it out and I’ve never been so glad to see a commercial break.
Britt goes and sees him and they don’t really talk a whole lot. It’s just them making out and him letting her know the connection is still there. The physical attraction is there, so evidently who needs words!
Jade goes in and takes the bull by the horns and wants to see his house. So he takes her down there.
Well Jillian and her black modesty box are going to wait for Chris in his hot tub.
Jade said this process is hard because there are 20 loud personalities here. Chris said to have confidence and trust in him and he’s not planning on dating 20 girls the rest of his life. Evidently since the bed was there, they had to just test the bed out. They jump on the bed and start making out. Jade is playing this sweet and innocent act, but the music that’s playing as they’re making out suggests otherwise.
Jillian is sitting in the hot-tub waiting for them. Well Jade leaves and all these join them. Jillian is gonna kill them! Have you not seen her working out, she’s gonna kill you! Well Jillian goes in for the kiss as Ashley I, Mackenzie and Megan watch on. Mackenzie can’t handle it and jumps in with them. And the other 2 girls join. Jillian has marked her territory and is not gonna let him go. Her arm is on his leg. Ashley can’t handle it, she starts bawling and is really trying to make sure her mascara doesn’t run and her Kardashian look isn’t completely ruined.
Ashley takes her one-on-one time to complain about the other girls. She starts crying and laughing at the same time and Chris is completely confused. He has no idea if she’s upset about last week or this week. Chris doesn’t know how to handle her, so he just goes in for the hug. Then instead of a conversation, because I don’t think Ashley has a whole lot to say, they just go in for the kiss. She attacks him again, but this time they’re on a roof area and it’s terrifying because I’m sure he was about to fall to his death, but he grabs the rail to make sure they don’t die.
Alright, it’s rose ceremony time! Kimmel and Chris give him a pep talk. Kimmel’s best advice is for him to not be himself. Be someone who gives better toasts! Well right off the bat he blows it. He says the word AMAZING and then instead of saying Jimmy he says Jade.
Those with roses from earlier in the episode: 1. Becca 2. Kaitlyn and 3. Whitney
Those with roses are:
1. Jade—hmmm not a coincidence he said her name instead of Jimmy?!?
2. Samantha—is she a dark horse or a non-contender?
3. Juelia- after that story how could he not?
6. Britt—-not surprising
7. Megan—-wow what a dress….I don’t think your dad would appreciate this
8. Carly—-you’re tactic on the group date must have worked!
9. Ashley S—-her freak flag was not flying tonight. Has she calmed down, or was it just not crazy enough?
10. Nikki—-another girl I know nothing about
11. Jillian—-I think he’s terrified she’s gonna beat him up if he doesn’t give her a rose
12. Ashley I—-she gives the big eye roll when he calls her name and I’m not a fan of her attitude
Those with no rose are: Tracy (4th grade teacher), Amber (all the kissing didn’t help her), Tandra (i have nothing) and maybe one more girl or maybe that was it???
Kiss count was 8 with one of the girls he kissed multiple times going home this week. Amazing count was too many too count, but that money will go to a good cause I’m sure!
Well next week looks like we see a frustrated Chris and find out that shockingly there are 2 virgins in the Bachelor house!!! Oh man, who could it be?!?!?! Maybe by the time we find out Kimmel will stop crying in the reject limo!
Until then, have a great week!