Chris’ Women Tell ALL!!!

Oh man, this is my favorite and least favorite episode to blog! It’s the Catty Women Tell All! Not gonna lie, on my bucket list is to come to a screening of the Women Tell All, I think I would be an excellent audience member. Maybe next year! For now, you’ll have to deal with my disjointed blog that makes fun of girls that are making fun of each other!

We get a peak into the dressing rooms! Kelsey is powdering her face, Ashley S. our onion girl is hanging in the hall, Jade is looking sexy, Britt & Ashley I. are perfecting their Kardashian looks and caking on their water-proof makeup as Harrison tells us they cried more tears than any girl ever before in the history of the show. And our Farmer kissed more girls than any guy before, which I don’t know if I buy, but I’ll get swept up in the excitement of the night and let it go!

We see Bachelor parties that the 2 Chris’ crash, where they are all about corn, hay bales, flannel shirts and a mom sneak attacked him to kiss him and he had NO IDEA what was happening.  

There’s lots of mother/daughter hang-out parties. And just LOTS of viewing parties in general. They get to also be included in some drinking games. There are girls screaming as if N’SYNC just walked in the door, and our Farmer tells us he thinks that there may have been some alcohol consumption going on at the party.

Okay we have the ladies in the audience we have:

Nikki——-no idea

Trina—-nope

Juelia—-one of the more sad stories we’ve ever had on the show where her husband killed himself and let her a single mom.

Tara—-drunk girl from the first night who was swaying all around during rose ceremony

Amber—–girl who stayed for a lot longer than I expected and would randomly kiss Chris but I’m pretty sure they only sad 2 words to each other the whole season

Megan—ditzy girl who went to the Grand Canyon with Chris and lost her daughter right before filming

Samantha—-the girl who stuck around FOREVER but no one ever knew and she didn’t say boo the whole time

Jordan—-drunk girl #2 who was twerking all around, best friends were Jack and Daniels and she attempted to come back in the middle of the season but Chris put the kibosh on that

Ashley S—-CRAZY Ashley, onions, shooting people, randomly walking around

Jillian—–black modesty box, worked out and super competitive, got kicked off on her one-on-one date

Kelsey——oh man, crazy guidance counselor who has an AMAZING story and got left on the 2-on-1 date

Britt——ugh Britt….the girl who tried to manipulate Chris and would say one thing and change her mind 2 seconds later. Never showered and slept in makeup! Totally relate able!

Mackenzie—–our 21 year old who’s a single mom and wishes she could’ve told Chris she was a virgin because guys love to take that

Ashley I—-she was a virgin, in-case you didn’t know….oh and also had a Kardashian look going and was also left with Kelsey on the 2-on-1 date

Jade—–our girl who had the “sexy X-rated” past as Harrison so eloquently put it.

Carly—–the cruise-ship singer who told it exactly like it was! She was looking out for Chris and let him know about who was being fake

Kaitlyn—–our Canadian dance instructor who grew on me as the season wore on. We watched her heartbreak last week.

Harrison decides to tell them in the nicest way possible that there are LOTS of personalities in the room. We get to see highlights of the season and the crazy that happened. And dear Lord Chris you should be thanking your LUCKY STARS that you dodged some major bullets!!!!

As the highlights are done we’re focusing on Britt and Carly’s disagreements and because Britt loves attention she needs to start crying on tv right away. She asks Carly why she pretended to be her friend? Carly said that she never pretended to be her friend. Britt is being very combative and isn’t letting Carly actually answer the question. She’s trying to get Carly to say something mean to her and Carly isn’t taking the bait, but all of a sudden the girls in the back row are trying to interrupt as well because they know that this is their audition tape to be on Bachelor in Paradise, so they’re trying to stand out as much as they can!

Harrison finally attempts to wrangle the girls in by asking Britt to join him on stage. There is more applause for her than there should be and all I’m thinking is “ANYONE BUT BRITT FOR BACHELORETTE, ANYONE BUT BRITT!!!!”

He flat out asks Britt if she was falling in love. She said absolutely and she knows people said that she tried to manipulate him but that’s not true. They were fine and falling in love until CARLY opened her mouth, cue sniffle and wiping of tear. And Carly proves why she’s one of my favorites, when she points out if Britt reads Chris blog she’d know that Carly was actually the 3rd person to bring up how manipulative Britt is. Carly said that Ashley, Jade and Carly all brought it up. Jillian randomly wanted examples. Jade said that there were a few moments that she questioned Jade’s authenticity.

Jillian is going to go after poor Carly and tells her that no one knew Carly and when they were in the limo on the way to the mud run Carly bashed Jillian and called her a man and tried to make Chris intimidated of her. And then when Jillian saw Carly go after Britt who’s the sweetest, most pure, caring women in the world Jillian was gonna mess her up! I’m very concerned for Carly at this point and glad that Jillian is on the other side of the room as it seems she’s going thru a roid rage right now. Britt is wanting all the attention again is bawling as the audience is clapping, I’m rolling my eyes and realizing I need to be in the audience to tell them what’s up and when we applaud! And this is why Harrison and I should be friends because just after I get done typing this he interrupts her with this: 

Britt gets frustrated because she didn’t get enough air-time when she was on the hot air balloon ride and she had an amazing conversation with Chris but we didn’t see that, instead we heard the women talking about how Britt said that she never wants to have kids, which is so wrong!

Ashley I. tells us before she starts talking that she really enjoys and likes Britt which doesn’t give her more credibility in my book. They argue it out where Britt convinces Ashley that she heard her wrong and Ashley goes down without much of an argument and agrees she must have heard her wrong.

Then Carly tells Britt that she likes her and doesn’t have any ill-feelings for her and wishes nothing but the best for her. To which Britt has an incredulous look on her face. And then Carly just said that she would act one way in-front of Chris and the cameras and another way in-front of the girls. Britt asks for an example and as Carly is giving her multiple answers, she’s not listening to her, she’s rolling her eyes and trying to interrupt and push her own agenda. Harrison tells Britt to calm down and let Carly speak. Carly said that Farmer Chris had told Carly that his biggest fear was that he’d get a girl to agree to come to Iowa and then she’d leave him. So when Britt did her 180 on Arlington it was a big red flag for Carly and Kaitlyn and she wanted to mention it! Finally Carly has the audience’s support. Carly calls her an actress and she begins to cry again.

Britt tells us that she would move to Arlington in a heartbeat. The girls don’t buy it. Britt is sad that none of them are her friends and she throws her head back against the couch because the drama is just too much. Harrison asks Britt if she thinks if Carly wouldn’t have been on the show would she still be with our Farmer and she tearfully nods her head yes, while multiple girls off camera are yelling “NO.” Harrsion asks Britt why she came on the show and she said that she came on for love: 

The thing I’m very disappointed that wasn’t brought up with Britt was her lack of showering and putting on make-up before she went to bed!

Kesley is next in the hot-seat! We get to see her journey and when she came out of the limo she was super innocent and normal. We then get to see her talk about her amazing story, her love story and then her panic attack on the bathroom floor. Then the 2 on 1 date in the Badlands that is still making me feel super uncomfortable and then this that still makes me smile and is gonna help me thru this interview: 

Kelsey is feeling betrayed and is starting to have a panic attack. She’s grieving all over again. After this experience she’s back to the shock and despair. She asks for a tissue and Chris gives her the handkerchief in his suit. Kelsey said that looking at the women there is a lot of contempt in their faces. She said after watching it back she could see how things could be misconstrued. She needed to honor her story in a place that wouldn’t be interrupted. She said that people talked about her behind her back and she didn’t appreciate it. She said she doesn’t feel that she’s better than any of these girls. The girls are trying to say something and Harrison is not letting them derail this, Kelsey is getting all her thoughts out.

Well she’s done so the girls get their shot at her. Juelia said that Kelsey is one of the most calculating people and she’s never met someone so fake and the audience is going crazy. She points out that she also went thru something tragic and she isn’t using that to say she deserves love even more. Kelsey wants to talk about the line “I have an amazing story” and she dances around the issue and just said that she wanted to tell Chris her story.

Harrison asks Kelsey if she would like to say anything and Kelsey said she asks the girls for her forgiveness. What I find very interesting is that during this whole exchange, we’re hearing from our back-row girls that no one remembers. Strangely silent are Jade, Carly, Kaitlyn, Britt who are the ones who broke out the champagne when she left!

Kelsey said that she’s mad at Ashley I. for alluding to the fact that Sanderson wasn’t real. Ashley doesn’t apologize for making that claim and said that many in America are wondering the same thing. She finds it odd that she never cried or had any emotion when she brought it up after only losing him a year and a half ago. Britt believes her and said that it better be fake and they better have proof of it before they say that.

Harrison again tries to get her to talk about “I have an amazing story” and she again doesn’t really talk about it. She said she found the love of her life at 19 and she had a husband who loved her and she loved him and they had a life together and he died and that was the worst thing that ever happened to her and it’s amazing that she’s healing and moving on. She didn’t mean to diminish Sanderson and now she’s crying.

And it got too real so we’re cutting to commercial and when we come back we get to bring up CRAZY! Crazy Ashley. He said that he’s done the show for years and thought he was past the point of being surprised, but Ashley really shocked him. Harrison said easily one of his favorite women to be on the show ever. She looks a lot more in control and normal.

She brings him a hosting gift and she’s been inspired by the show to start growing onions. Ashley tells Harrison that she was so bored so she just started walking around. You gotta say that with her on the hot seat our girls are bonding together and able to put away the petty drama and just crack up at her. She talks about how she ran into the backstage stuff and saw a big group of crew members and she was sure they were betting on the girls. Harrison makes a fight club reference and said that the first rule of the Bachelor betting club is that you don’t mention the betting club! 

One of the best things out of a person’s mouth this episode is when she said that when all of them were going around crying and being dramatic, she was walking around outside picking pomegranates! And that’s about the most refreshing thing and I didn’t realize how much we needed her on our screens right now, but I needed a moment to catch my breath and not deal with the drama/manipulative girls and just deal with the straight up crazy! As Harrison said Meryl Streep herself couldn’t pull off this act if she wanted to, so this has to be mostly Ashley S and not an actress!

Harrison said that he’s probably over-stepping his bounds when he says this: 

The crowd starts chanting “DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!” and the girls are urging her too, while back-row secretly hates her because they’d all die for this chance and hope the invites will be handed out at the after-party for them. Ashley doesn’t commit she just leaves us at least for now with the thought that “This is weird,” Harrison asks what she’s talking about and she said “That we’re on tv.” and hello the fact that people are chanting instructions at her, when does that happen in real-life?!?!?

We’re back to drama drama now! We get Jade in the hot-seat now. We see their journey which begins with her Cinderella date that his sister’s picked her out for. Our Farmer loves this Midwestern girl and then we see their date in Arlington making out in the hallway and the football field. Then we’re in Gering and back in the hotel room where we see the computer screen pulled up again. Then we see the tearful goodbye and her limo exit.

She’s emotional watching it and said it brings back all the feelings, the good and the bad. She doesn’t say that she was falling in love with our Farmer but she said that she had a strong connection with him. She doesn’t know what went wrong and she wants to know if her past is the reason why she was sent home. Harrison tells us that when she originally went home she seemed okay with it and like she’d come to peace with it. However, now she’s not….so what happened???

Jade said that based on the information she saw on the episode and she read his blog and he described the person that he knew who was the shyer part of her compared to the person her family described was disturbing to him. And that absolutely crushed her…..

Now this is when I need Jade to understand reality television and I feel like she should understand it way better than I do considering she was on it and I just watch it from my living room. However, since she’s struggling, there are these things called producers and editors and directors and they’re job is to piece together snipits of the truth and craft together this world that we all fall in love with. So you can’t believe everything you see on your tv screen was said when it’s showed. Interviews happen all during the season. They can piece together one sentence with another sentence and completely change the meaning of what you’re trying to say.

Plus this blog that Chris writes……there are things called interns, writers, producers, editors, I’d put good money on the fact that THEY are the ones writing the blogs and not Chris himself. Maybe they got some of this info from some of his interviews he’s always doing, but I’m really doubting he’s blogging about each episode week after week and he’d almost have to do it while watching, otherwise he wouldn’t know what they’re writing. Now don’t get me wrong, I read the blog and it’s very informative, but it’s part of the ABC world, it’s not his personal blog, it’s a contractual obligation!

She wants more closure and wants to know exactly what happened as she feels she did everything she was supposed to and wants to know more. Oh honey…..

Kaitlyn was the most fun-loving girl in the house and the jokster where they couldn’t share most of her jokes on air. She’s still showing a sliver of her midriff. We get to see her journey and she tells us that she masks her emotions with humor and when she’s uncomfortable she makes jokes. We watch Becca get the final rose instead of Kaitlyn and watching Kaitlyn watch it breaks my heart. I also realized that what stinks about this, is the fact that they taped the Women Tell All the weekend of the 21st and 22nd, so the episode of her getting dumped hadn’t aired yet, so she’s watching it for the first time, in a room full of people (some of whom she hates) and has a camera on her watching every reaction. Every other girl had the luxury of seeing how their breakup got edited and being able to see the angles and study everything from the comfort of their own homes where they could cry if they wanted to and not be judged or have to talk about the breakup right away.

She said that she felt the most confident going into that rose ceremony more than any other rose ceremony. She said that she’d told him that she was falling in love with him and he said the same and she has been thinking about this every day since then. She was hoping he could’ve given her one little sign that it wasn’t going to work out. She can pinpoint the exact moment her heart broke and it was when he said “Whitney” and gave her the rose. She said that she misses him and not having answers and still having feelings and being glad that she was able to express her feelings and put her guard down.

She is never speechless and she’d never been blindsided before and that was why she didn’t say more than 2 words to him when he broke up. She’s never been so nervous to talk to anyone before and is hoping to get answers.

The time has come! Let’s bring out Prince Farming! He gets to face the firing squad! He looks slightly uncomfortable, believe it or not Britt is already in tears at the mere sight of him (eye roll, deep sigh). Since she’s so emotional, Harrison gives her the floor and she wants to come up and sit next to our Farmer. Our Farmer hugs her and Britt will not let go of him, it’s like getting out of the limo all over again, Carly expresses how I feel by rolling her eyes.

Our Farmer has his hands on his knees and is already deep sighing. Britt grabs his hand to hold onto it, and I don’t think he’s having it. She wants to tell him that she doesn’t blame Chris for believing Carly, but Carly’s wrong! And now Britt is grabbing Chris thigh and I’m screaming for boundaries and wanting Whitney & Becca to come out and just punch Britt for not respecting their relationships with him. 

And our Farmer once again proves why I love him so much! He thanks her for her bull$*** words and said that he wants to tell her that no matter what she thinks they didn’t work out because of Carly. His decision was based on their journey and the things that she said when it was them and what she said and what he felt when it was them….or how about when she freaked out at the last group date when he gave a rose to Kaitlyn and not her and she flipped out???? Britt’s trying to back peddle and say that she knew he’d never be so small-minded to believe Carly and she knows he knows what’s up. But hello since they had awkward long hug outside the limo they had a connection! They had a 2 hour nap! He seems so pained to be close to her and can’t stand that she’s trying to put on the Bachelorette show. She goes in for another hug and he just wants her gone.

Kaitlyn is the next up and you can tell he’s uncomfortable, but not in the same way he was with Britt. He didn’t trust Britt…with Kaitlyn he’s shy because he knows he hurt her. He likes her. He cares for her. He doesn’t want to make her cry. He’s fidgeting as she’s talking about the break-up and that she let her guard down, and they had an intimate night in the fantasy suite off camera and then he’s done with her with no explanation other than him fumbling over his words. (Side note: what I appreciate is that he kinda throws his hands up at that, like hey this is me, trust me I didn’t enjoy it either. I’m not eloquent and never pretended to be!)

She doesn’t want it sugar-coated and wants an explanation. He said that there really isn’t an explanation and at that point he was falling in love with 3 women. He was really hoping for the “A-HA” moment to know which 2 it was. He wanted to know why he didn’t pull her aside and give her a courtesy to talk to her and not put her thru a rose ceremony. He said he doesn’t have an answer for that as this is the first time he’s been the Bachelor and in hindsight he maybe should’ve done that. He made mistakes as the Bachelor and that was probably one of them but he tried the best he could to do right by all the girls.

Jade decides she wants to come up and talk to him instead of talking at him. She starts crying when she’s near him and he tries to comfort her and she’s not really having much of that. He tells us that he was put more off-guard when her brothers referred to her as a wild mustang and he just saw the conservative side of her. He said again she didn’t not get to move on because of her photos but because he didn’t get to see all sides of her personality. She is mad that he said it was awkward to look at the photos and she wished he would’ve been honest with her. He tells her that he looked at them because she wanted to look at the photos with him before he saw them elsewhere, so he looked at them out of respect to her wishes and what the relationship is that they had, but he’s never looked at nude photos of anyone let alone a girl he’s dating and that’s awkward. She said it was uncomfortable for her as well. She seems to feel better, she hugs it out with him.

We then get to watch some bloopers and I’m sad that this didn’t make it on there: 

Alright folks, that ends a very dramatic Women Tell All. I feel like they truly did tell almost all there was to tell! We got a 3 hour finale next week which looks like it’s gonna be drama! We got the 2 hour finale followed by a 1 hour After the Final Rose, so just block out all of Monday to mentally prepare for this. We’re getting so close to the end of our journey! I’m still team Becca though she seems to be causing some angst next week! Oh well, let’s just hope that our Farmer is happy and in love with whatever girl he chose! Until next week!

Lindsay

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