Almost Paradise

Hello friends!

For those of you that don’t know, I broke my right hand over the 4th of July weekend and got the cast off and then was traveling. So that is why there’s such a long hiatus between posts, typing was quite difficult! I also had to binge watch some episodes, but don’t worry, I watched them all and my thoughts are below on most of this season. If I didn’t cover something that you’d like to discuss, I’d be more than happy to talk to you about it 🙂

My brief thoughts on Kaitlyn’s season are this, I’m glad that it was Shawn! I expect for her to break up with him within the year and he’ll be completely shattered. I don’t know what will happen to Nick, but hopefully he stays in Chicago and away from reality tv! I’m also fully aboard the Ben H. train to have him be our next Bachelor!

Alright, Bachelor in Paradise! This season was all about the drama! To be honest though, I couldn’t get behind the awkward talk show part they’re doing in the last hour of Monday night. I could really do without that!

Here are my thoughts on the season (before tonight’s finale!):

Can we talk about how awesome the opening credits are to the show! The show knows how amazing it is and shows that with this opening!

My favorites on the show are Jade and Tanner! I think it helps that he knows exactly what her past is and that’s not going to hang over their relationship. She’s from Nebraska and he’s from Kansas City. He loves to talk about the Royals, so if things don’t work out for him and Jade, I may be lined up and ready to go!

Carly & Kirk are just adorable! I’ve liked both of them and think they could be a nice/normal couple. I was all about them in the beginning! Carly was the smart-alec say it like it is girl. She was the same girl we fell in love with as on Chris’ season. I liked Kirk when he was on the Bachelorette with Ali, his dad was weird with the taxidermy stuff, but Kirk always seemed nice.

I had a hard time justifying Carly’s decision to miss Zak’s wedding though. I heard that they had a destination wedding and then had a reception that Carly made it to in the states, which is evident by this tweet. However, if some of his friends from the Bachelor can be at the wedding, his own sister should!

These people were on Paradise for a total of 21 days! 3 weeks! Less time than I had my cast on my arm! 3 weeks is not a lot of time! And how do you agree to go on a show when you know your brother is going to be getting married in that 3 week time span? That just seems like horrible timing and a decision you’d obviously regret pretty soon after you make it.

Kirk wanted to slow things down but I think then felt guilty because Carly was missing her brother’s wedding so he decided to move ahead and push aside his reservations. Which is why we had what we had last night. Kirk is a nice guy, he just wasn’t feeling it after 3 weeks and let’s be honest if this was happening to one of our friends in real life we’d call them insane and crazy for wanting to marry someone they only met 3 weeks ago. We’d tell them they need to slow down and see if they still feel that way in 3 weeks. We wouldn’t be pissed and calling for their heads on a silver platter. Let’s all just take a moment to calm ourselves.

Speaking of calming couples let’s talk about Ashley and Jared!

I don’t understand why Ashley Kardashian had to bring her sister along! I’m close to my sister, but we like each other and treat one another well! Lauren was just a jerk to Ashley and made her even more self-conscious and less confident!

The sisters were always being dramatic! Lauren was always crying and wanting to go home! This isn’t paradise, it’s hell! I typed out this paragraph when watching this episode and feel like it’s best to just put it here, because I don’t know how else to explain how I felt about Lauren other than this:

Tanner and Dan are eating and at the bar with Lauren and ask her if she’s going to go home. She said yes. They ask if she has a boyfriend. She says no, she doesn’t have a boyfriend. She has someone who she’s very in love with. She’s kinda a mistress. Cue Tanner’s one-on-one interview, where he awkwardly smiles, looks embarrassed and says he has no idea what to do with that. Dear Lord, us either Tanner, us either. Man I’m feeling more and more sympathy for Ashley I and want to know what their parents are going to say when Lauren admits on national tv that she’s a mistress and isn’t gonna look for love because she’s involved with a married man. That may take the cake for most ridiculous sentences I’ve ever typed about this show, which is really saying something!

So we shouldn’t have been shocked when Lauren left soon after this to go and continue being a mistress.

Ashley I continued to cry all season and Jared was the hot commodity in paradise. Everyone loved him. I didn’t completely get it and really didn’t get his dynamic with Ashley. Man, all I do know is someone needs to show her what real/honest love is and that she’s worth it. She needs a hug and she just makes me real sad. She’s not gonna find what she’s looking for in a guy, but I don’t know when she’s gonna realize that.

My favorite thing about Jared, was that at some point someone said he looks like Ashton Kutcher. Ashton’s wife Mila Kunis must be a fan of the show because she made her husband take this picture, and we can now judge for ourselves!

Clare has officially retired from the Bachelor franchise, which is the best thing possible for her. Though I don’t know if that means the raccoon has also retired?

Oye vey Chris B. man what a train wreck he was! He has officially retired from reality tv too, which is a good thing. I read his retirement letter and it made me sad for him and sad he had to hit rock bottom, but I’m glad he did and hopefully he’s done with reality tv now and can get his life back on track. To read his letter go here

Okay, now onto Tenley. I’m distraught over Tenley & Kiptyn breaking up. I LOVED them together, they were my favorite Bachelor couple, so I’m still trying to get over this break-up, I just ask that you grant me privacy, while I grieve during this very difficult time.

Joshua and Tenley are on a date and I gotta be honest, their dates are boring. At one point on Tenley and Joshua’s date she refers to him as a bear man about a thousand times. I gotta say that Joshua and Kiptyn don’t seem all that similar to me, so Tenley’s going out of her comfort zone here. Kiptyn was so smooth and Joshua is so awkward.

Evidently Joshua does Molly and drugs in LA and then gets really crazy in Vegas with his buddy. Who hasn’t woken up in the morning and wondered where your cash is and what your night is like? And yet after Mikey and Dan tell Tenley about this and Joshua denies that it happens, we NEVER hear of it again! It seems so odd, it was such a big deal and then it’s swept under the rug because of the whole Joe scandal of it all!

Juelia was an interesting character. She kinda bounced from guy to guy. She was with Jonathan, than Mikey tried to make a move on her and she wouldn’t have it, she physically jumped back when he tried to kiss her. She fell head over heels for Joe.

Then Joe showed his true douche-bag colors when he went for Sam. So Juelia instead of going home to be with her daughter, decides to ask Chris Harrison if he’d bring Mikey back so she could continue this vacation. Mikey comes back and him and Juelia coast to the finale, but not much screen time and it doesn’t appear to be much connection, so is it that surprising they broke up? I think they always had an acquaintance type relationship, I wouldn’t even call it a friendship to be honest, they kinda used each other because they were there and they wanted to stay on the beach and show (at least that’s how I saw their relationship and I may be wrong!)

Joe, Joe, Joe. Remember how he was a strange but lovable character on the Bachelorette? Yea, not so much anymore. He went to villain status pretty quickly. Whereas JJ was able to turn his reputation around by being on this show, Joe did the complete opposite. He played Juelia, which as Tanner said in one episode “it’s not a great idea to play the widowed single mom.” After he played Juelia, all the guys rallied around her and he was isolated.

Sam came into the picture and we found out they plotted prior to coming to see how they could be on the show together. It worked out, until it didn’t. Joe was obviously way more into her then she was into him. Karma certainly came around and showed Joe who was boss, when Sam didn’t give her rose to him. He did not see that coming at all! I have a feeling Joe will show up next season, or we’ll see him again because I really don’t want to. I know how this show goes, the people I’m done with never know when to quit, and the ones I wouldn’t mind seeing more of are normal and done with reality tv.

She is at the end of this with Nick and I like how when Nick talks about how he wants to spend more time with her all he can talk about is how beautiful she is. I feel like that’s a giant red flag. But knowing how many people she’s screwed over (including her supposed best friend Juelia) you can’t really talk about her great heart and personality. So yeah, that relationship has potential to go REAL FAR!

To be honest, everytime Tenley says Joshua, I picture FRIENDS and Rachel

Justin and Cassandra have spent all of what 3 days together. So yeah I’m thinking they’re done and it’s not even gonna be a single tear shed. I’m glad she said no to the fantasy suite since they have known each other for 3 days, and I’m glad she’s thinking of her son and is thinking of consequences, unlike maybe Sam.

Tenley is smart to look at this and realize it’s not all Paradise. If you don’t have it easy when you’ve spent 3 weeks on a beach and have literally no stress. You don’t have to clean, cook or make your own drinks. All you do is sleep, drink, eat and gossip. This is not real life at all! She is smart to think about how this is going to translate into real life. Her and Kiptyn made it work for 5 years, but they also had lots of struggles and didn’t make it. Plus they had a friendship before they got together on the show, so I’m thinking it ain’t looking good for you Joshua!

Plus Tenley was a great friend to all when she was in the house. I think she did more with making relationships and friendships in the house than she did in making a connection with Joshua.

Tanner and Jade on their last one-on-one have a real conversation. Jade tells him she’s freaking out that he’s gonna pull a Kirk. He reassures her by telling her that he loves her. What I enjoy about this declaration is the commentary he gives with it: “My heart says I love you Jade. My mind says that it hasn’t been long enough, but my heart says I love you.” So at least it shows he knows it’s early and there is some ration and reason in his mind, she laughs and enjoys it. She thanks him and tells him that it’s nice to hear, she’s often misunderstood and feels like Tanner gets her which doesn’t happen much and it blows her mind because she’s never felt that before, but she loves him too.

Okay call me crazy, but I feel like they’re being genuine in how they are feeling and admitting their feelings to one another. At least with these 2, they’ve been together from the very beginning of the 3 weeks and have spent basically every minute of the 3 weeks together. Not that it’s completely healthy to spend ALL of your time together, but they’ve spent more time together than Chris and Whitney or Kaitlyn and Shawn did in their whole seasons.

We’re at our final rose ceremony! These roses mean that you’re committed to a lifetime outside of paradise! Marriage, kids, all of it! A rose is not just a rose in paradise man! It’s a lifestyle!

Harrison is having everyone split up and think about this commitment by themselves. There is nothing worse than an empty promise, so you need to think through it. I’m sorry, but for most of these people I can’t get as amped up as a normal final rose ceremony.

Tenley is hysterically crying because she’s the one who’s gonna be breaking Joshua’s heart and she’s not used to that. She wasn’t expecting to like him, but she’s being honest and saying that it’s not a great idea to start off a long-distance relationship with the promise of maybe 1 weekend in 3 months. They have different lifestyles and plans, cut your loses Ten and go find a man in your own city!

Alright, we’re on the platforms for the last rose ceremony (ceremonies? I don’t know if it counts as one ceremony or multiple ones since there are different people involved.)

Justin asks Cassandra to accept his rose, which is shocking since he was all pissed that she wouldn’t go to the fantasy suite with him. Is he trying to play it off by giving her a rose, so she’ll go to the fantasy suite with him tonight before they hop on a plane and leave tomorrow? She accepts and we’ll see if they listened to Harrison’s rules about a rose being a LIFETIME commitment! The way they kiss and hug and hold hands seems like an awkward middle school couple dating for the first time. They are not comfortable with one another.

Nick and Sam are up on the dock next! Nick’s plan was to come to paradise, meet Sam and leave with Sam. Nick asks Sam to accept his final rose, and then she spouts some crap about how he’s been her prince charming through all of this.

SAM!!!! You were literally on my screen last week making out with Joe and being all lovey-dovey with him! Which means that was what less than a week ago from when you’re accepting this guy’s rose. This is a complete mockery of what a rose ceremony should be, I’m appalled 🙂

Tenley and Joshua’s turn. I feel like Tenley is the only one taking this seriously so far. She’s looking forward to the real world and not just the next 24 hours like the 2 previous couples were. Joshua asks Tenley to accept her rose. She starts crying again and she compliments him by thanking him for giving her hope for falling in love again, and having a great love story, but he lives in Idaho and it’s who he is. He needs to be in a one stop-light town and she needs to live in a big city. She knows that it’s easier to break up now before they continue dating and one has to compromise and move some place that’s not for them. Then there would be resentment and it wouldn’t be the same. She’s looking out for both of them and is so mature in this moment, that I don’t feel like I’m watching the Bachelor franchise right now, but THIS is why Tenley is one of my all time favorite contestants! She’s been this sweet girl in all the shows she’s been in and I’m truly rooting for her in life.

I have a feeling even with them “breaking-up” Tenley and Joshua will have a better relationship than Justin and Cassandra or Nick and Sam. They actually care for one another and are looking out for the best in each other and aren’t using one another just for physical pleasure. They had a friendship first and a good base for a relationship.

Jade and Tanner are the last couple up. Jade is the first one to go and talk which is different than all the other couples. She’s grinning but both are sweating their butts off, so paradise must be a million degrees. She can’t stop grinning up at him and she loves him and offers her rose and he doesn’t accept it, but he does kiss her.

Tanner shows his humor and honesty by saying what we’d all expect if we were to go on this show “I came to Paradise expecting nothing but some free drinks and a good time on the beach.” Meeting Jade changed everything and he knows Paradise has been nothing but perfect.When he thinks of the real world it’s different and he can’t give her the rose because instead he has to give her a ring! He freaks her out for a second, but then he said he wants to give her a million roses, but instead gets on a knee and gives her a Neil Lane ring. She keeps giggling, her hand is shaking, and they make out while our other 2 “happy couples” look on in the distance.

I did have to watch this After Paradise to see what is going on and if I’d learn anything new. I’m not shocked to see Sean and Catherine there, because I think we’re contractually obligated to see them two or three times a year.

Tenley showed up on the show and talked about how her and Joshua wouldn’t have ended up together. They’ve talked since then and it is what it is, and evidently he wants her back and she keeps saying that all they’ll ever have is what was in Paradise.

We couldn’t get Nick and Sam on the line. Instead we had to go with Amber, Sam’s best friend and she gives us the update that Sam and Nick have gone on vacations to see one another and met one another’s families. Harrison’s face is one of disbelief, which is exactly what was on my face!

Cassandra is in a relationship with Jonathan!!! Not Nick, but Jonathan from Kaitlyn’s season! They live 30 minutes from each other, met on a commercial shoot and seem like they are pretty smitten with one another! They each have sons and they’re taking it slow and will see what happens.

Alright, now we’re bringing out Carly! She’s already all teary-eyed and she just walked out. She said that she felt completely blind-sided by the whole break-up. She said that the night before the big break-up he’d told her that yes it was going fast, but he loved it and couldn’t wait to meet her family. He also talked about how he owned a house in the suburbs with a lawn and so that’s why she was talking about kids, not tomorrow but kids down the road. She thought that she was gonna go on another date with Kirk, not get broken up.

Carly and Kirk have spoken since they left in Paradise, but have not seen one another. She reached out to him this week to see how they were gonna handle this interview, and he didn’t contact her back. So we’re bringing Kirk out and Carly is pissed.

Kirk looks really uncomfortable. He apologizes for hurting her and he didn’t want to. He is getting choked up and he wishes he could change things because she deserved more and didn’t want to hurt her. You can feel the real emotion between both of them. He is getting a lot off of his chest and I appreciate the fact that it’s not all for show and he’s not looking over to Harrison or the camera for validation. He’s maintaining eye contact with Carly and you can tell he’s uncomfortable and this is hard for him, but he’s powering through. He’s being a man about it. I don’t feel like he’s doing it for America to stop hating him, I honestly think he’s doing it so Carly will stop hating him.

He said that he didn’t say anything earlier because she’d told him in a conversation that at the first sign of a red flag she would go running the other way so she wouldn’t be run from. That stuck with him, so he kept his mouth shut instead of voicing concerns about the pace of their relationship, because he was afraid she was going to break up with him.

I don’t know, she’s really hurt about this still for this having happened in June and it was only a 3 week relationship. I don’t think all of these feelings are just about Kirk, I think most of this is being mortified on national television and not about Kirk breaking her heart.

Jade and Tanner are now on the couch. They are all grins. They fist pump one another. They are better even after Paradise now that they’re in the real world! Their body language seems to be more comfortable with one another than Chris and Whitney looked like. They’ve been sneaky and she wears disguises and come to Kansas City and visits him. Jade has started a wedding Pinterest board and she’ll send pictures to Tanner. They don’t want a long engagement and Bachelor-nation thinks that they are going to get married before Shawn and Kaitlyn.

Jade and Tanner get robes and then get a week long vacation to Mexico, where ABC will want to film their wedding, but instead we’re acting like it’s just a vacation.

Alright, so that’s the end of the Bachelor in Paradise season! Overall, I’d say a great season! It’s exactly what we needed to get us through Summer. It got the bad taste of Kaitlyn’s season out of my mouth!

I am going to be all in for Ben H and his season of the Bachelor! He was my number 1 pick from just looking at his picture and bio for Kailtyn’s season, and then his personality is one of the only bright spots in Kaitlyn’s season for me. I’m excited to come back here in January and blog his season for you!

In the meantime, I hope you all have the most dramatic Fall and rest of 2015 ever! I’ll be back at the beginning of next year!



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