Oh man guys, it’s here!!!! We’ve made it from August until January with no Bachelor franchise show on! In that time, I celebrated for the first time in my lifetime the Kansas City Royals being World Champions, so that my friends makes it a VERY successful off-season for me.
But now it’s time for us to get serious. I judged the girls and gave my impression of them last week based solely on their bios on ABC, tonite is when I panic as they come out of limos and we meet them and I get to figure out if one of the girls I “liked” is actually bat-shit crazy, as we know there are bound to be a few in this crowd….so with that let’s get to it!
Ben Higgins gets his moment in the sun, he is at the photo shoot for the Bachelor, looking adorably awkward and unsure of himself. We’re reminded that he’s from Warsaw, Indiana where I appreciate he admits that he doesn’t live there, but they’re trying like they did with Farmer Chris for us to fall for this whole how is he ever gonna find love in a small town?!? We’re all supposed to forget the fact that he lives in Denver, Colorado right now which is the 21st largest city in the US.
We’re reminded that in Indiana it’s the home of the Hoosiers, so they are all about basketball! We see the movie theatre where he got his first date and dumped the same day.
I have to say that Ben seems very mature in the fact that he’s talking about his past relationships and has nothing but nice things to say about the girls, and I will probably regret saying this in 6 weeks, but he sounds genuine enough, that I honestly believe him!
The first thing that he says that is making my heart melt this season is when he talks about how his biggest fear is that he is going to fall for a girl more than she’ll fall for him and it’s going to prove his largest fear that he’s unlovable. Which now makes me want to go and find his exes and beat them up! COME ON GIRLS! You messed him up so much, that he is now on a reality show where I will judge, mock and mercilessly make fun of him for the next 8 weeks!
We get to meet his parents who are super cool and relax. It seems that they have a good and healthy relationship where they are more friendly with each other and respect one another. They have a heartfelt convo that brings his mom to tears where she says she wants him to have a relationship like they have. I LOVE that his mom says “She’s going to be great WHEREVER you find her!” Hint, hint, Ben its probably not gonna be on a tv show, but hey we have this tv show to watch.
Ben is getting advice from 3 of America’s top Bachelors…no it’s not Jake Pavelka, Ben Flajink and Juan Pablo. It’s Jason, Sean and Farmer Chris! And Ben towers over ALL of them! Ben wants to join the Bachelor married club with Sean and Jason! Farmer Chris tells Ben to kiss all of them and Sean tells Ben to not kiss a girl in-front of the other girls. And Ben proves that he’s going to stay in my good graces for a lil while longer because he says he’s having a hard time comprehending kissing one girl and then walking over to the next girl and kissing her. AMEN Ben! That’s what all of us at home have a hard time comprehending.
Can we also point out the fact that Ben is taking advice from Jason (the guy who sent his now wife home and then dumped his original first choice on the After the Final Rose and chose his wife!). Farmer Chris, who couldn’t even make it 6 weeks with Whitney, and couldn’t dance either. And Sean, who doesn’t know when to leave the limelight! He went on another horrible VH1 show I believe, or something like that about “celebrity” couples who are going to split up. It was all a hoax though, so him and Catherine could get more air time and then people would care when they announced that they’re having a baby.
You know who I hope Ben actually talked to when filming that McDonald’s commercial was Des & her Chris, they got married not by ABC or televised and are still going strong, like a NORMAL couple!
ALRIGHT! Let’s meet the girls! We got Lauren B. She’s from Portland, but her heart is a Southern Cal girl. She’s a flight attendant. She loves her job, but wants to “Land” Ben’s heart!
Next we meet Caila (pronounced Kayla) who lives in Boston. She moved here 5 years ago and hasn’t left since because she loves it so much. She met her last boyfriend on a plane, two weeks later they meet in the city and she thinks it’s fate. After a year she didn’t know if he was the one. Then she says something about how she was watching Kaitlyn’s season and Ben came outta the limo and she thought he was perfect. Which implies that she broke up with her boyfriend (someone who’s real!) to date someone on her tv! That’s called stalking and insane, but because she’s gorgeous, we’ll call it LOVE!
We get introduced to Jubilee, by watching her at a shooting range and then doing training. She was in the military right outta high school and was deployed to Afghanistan and all is fair and love and war. She’s had a hard time beating the stereotype of military ladies since she’s been out of the service.
Then we meet Mandi! Who has bagpipe with fire around him as her introduction. She thinks people are weird and she embraces weird. She’s a dentist, but not the cute normal dentist that our old friend Ashley (who married JP!) was. No, she’s more like that weird doctor guy from a few seasons ago, that ripped the dress when he dipped our Bachelorette, maybe it was Des’ season? I don’t know, she’s our crazy Ashley of the season.
Okay so we have Haley and Tara that are blond twins who have to do everything together, which is obviously not a reality. I’m not even going to comment on the ridiculousness of it.
Amanda is next, she has 2 daughters. A 3.5 year old and almost 2 year old. She’s divorced and hasn’t dated anyone since her divorce 2 years ago. She thinks he could be a good dad for her girls. Her girls are freakin adorable, I’ll give her that! We’ll see if Ben is up to the challenge of being called “dad.”
Then we have Tiara (pronounced Tara) she is a a chicken enthusiast. Her chickens are her babies since she doesn’t have human babies. She has one true love named Shelia who stays in her room with her and is kinda like a parrot, who hangs on her shoulder and neck because that’s a normal thing. On her shelf she has pictures of her chickens and then Ben. And the big question, which comes first, the Chicken or the Ben….I’m gonna hurt something with rolling my eyes as much as I am….there’s NO WAY in hell this girl can be for real. And Lord help her if she is, we need to get her some friends and family to help her out!
Sam is the last one we meet. She just finished law school. When she was in middle school her dad was diagnosed with ALS and she realized the value of family, by watching her dad suffer. She knew how to be there for someone by losing her dad at 13. She had my heart strings, until she went that step too far by saying that Samantha Higgins sounds great, please don’t be stalkery and get your heart broken too soon!
Okay, we’re done with the pre-package intros and are to the Bachelor Mansion! Chris Harrison makes his first impression of the season and greets Ben Higgins and here we go, after Ben asks for one last reassuring hug from the magnificent Chris Harrison! We’re gonna meet 25 girls!
First out of the limo is Lauren B. our flight attendant, I believe that first outta the limo is generally a good sign that they stick around awhile, so thats a good sign for you Lauren. They give each other a hug, and are a very attractive couple. Both their hearts are beating like crazy.
Caila is next. She’s wearing a VERY sparkly dress, but it works on her! She has way more confidence than I do in heels, because she leaves the limo and runs and leaps into his arms. It’s not quite the Dirty Dancing leap, as he wasn’t quite prepared for it, but give them time, and they will nail it like Johnny and Baby!
Jennifer is out of the limo next. She’s the first brunette I swear that has shown up on our tv screens. I like her intro because she makes a joke about how they both dress up super fancy every single day. And of course a Bennifer joke has to be made and that’s how he’ll remember her.
Jami is out of the limo and she’s soooo nervous! She’s from Canada and knows Kaitlyn and tried to make a suggestive comment, but because of the nervous energy it sounded like she forgot what she was gonna say. ALSO, do you really wanna bring up the girl that last dumped him, as a common person you know?!?
Sam, our lawyer comes out and she’s in a long lacy red dress. She found out on her way here that she passed the bar exam, and Ben’s reaction is great and again seems as if it’s real and like he’s actually friends with her! She asks the question, boxers or legal briefs and he was embarrassed as he answered legal briefs.
Jubilee is out of the dress and Ben compliments the dress. That may be because her lady parts are all out on display, but again it’s the first night so he gets a lil more of a pass where it doesn’t sound as creepy as it would if Juan Pablo said it. I’m annoyed with Jubilee because Ben was trying to talk to her and reassure her, and she cut him off. She tells him she’s awesome at pickup lines and then fumbles over one.
Amanda is super brief with her intro, she just tells him that she’s super excited it’s him that is the Bachelor and she’ll talk to him more inside.
Lace is outta the limo. She’s wearing a lace dress, so it should be easy to remember her. She asks him to close his eyes and he hesitantly does so. And she goes in for the kiss because she wanted the first kiss and he is shocked and said that she got it, in-front of everyone. He doesn’t seem thrilled with that.
Lauren R. is out of the limo and doesn’t seem super thrilled. Her intro is of the terrifying quality, where it shows there is such thing as being too honest. She tells him that she’s at an unfair advantage because she’s been able to stalk him on social media for the last couple months. His eyes get wide and here’s where he’s naive and not realizing how big of deal he is. She is telling him all about his life and he’s getting freaked out and is asking her name and she keeps going….he never got her name!!!
Sushanna comes out of the limo and is talking to him and it’s not in English and he’s trying real hard to understand what she’s saying and he has nothing!
Leah comes out of the limo. She’s wearing a sparkly dress, that is sheer at the bottom and decides it’s a good idea to hike a football between her legs. However the way she has to hold her dress up, it’s just a really poor decision for her to make. Its not as attractive as she thinks it is. His calming mechanism is throwing a football so he’s happy.
Next out of the limo is a unicorn head. The girl under that is JoJo who says that she knows it’s terrifying, but wants to talk to him more later.
Lauren H. is next out of the limo. She has a bouquet that she tosses and he catches. She was at a wedding last weekend and caught a bouquet and he said he thinks that’s a sign and she agreed.
Next outta the limo is Laura. Her friends evidently call her Red Velvet and she knows he’s gonna meet a lot of girls so just focus on the hair and he has permission to call her Red Velvet too.
Next is Mandi, with a rose on her head that is on a headband. It’s maybe two times the size of her head. He’s attempting to be polite and asks if she made it. She is not blinking as she’s talking to him and said that no, she picked it out of her garden and if he’s lucky he can pollinate it later tonight. He laughs and has nothing else to say other than “interesting…”
Alirght now we got the twins, who have to meet him at the same time. Because obviously if you’re a twin you’re the exact same person. COME ON!!! They are individuals with 2 different distinct personalities and if they aren’t, then they sure as hell shouldn’t be on this show, they should be finding separate interests!
Sure, a mini-horse should be the next one to show up. Megan is the owner of the horse, she’s a cowgirl. Who takes her horse inside and hopes he doesn’t pee inside.
Breanne brings a picnic basket full of bread. She is a nutritionist, who says that glutton is Satan. She wants to break bread with him. And bless his heart he looks very concerned at her and asks if they’re gonna eat bread, and she said NO! And starts pounding this bread on the side of the fountain.
Izzy comes in footy pajamas and asks if he’s the “Onesie” for her? At least she’ll be comfortable all night! At first I thought she was wearing a Mrs. Frazzle from the Magic School bus dress, but it’s pajamas.
Rachel who is unemployed shows up in her long cocktail dress on a hover board, because why not?
Lace is our villain who’s judging all the girls and making fun of them and talking about how none of the girls are competition.
Jessica comes out of the limo. She seems super sweet and normal. They just hug each other and seem to reassure one another.
Oh I lied, it is Tiara, not Tara. She seems SO NORMAL in her first impression with him and doesn’t bring up chickens at all. She looks gorgeous and everything!
LB is a fashion designer and will stand out because she’s the only one in fuchsia and a short dress and is a brunette, so I obviously love her.
Jackie comes out and is very sparkling. She gives him a Save the Date for when the finale will air and even has their Hashtag figured out. Even though it’s creepy, it somehow doesn’t seem super creepy.
Olivia comes out in a silver sparkly dress who wants to hug him and says she may cry. They take a few deep breaths and then she randomly asks if he has dimples and she wants to see. He is now fake smiling at her and she says he has dimples, he says he doesn’t. She has one dimple and it’s real.
There are 26 ladies in the mansion and he thinks it’s possible his future wife is in there. Harrison talks to him and then we come back from commercial to hear the girls gushing about him. Ben is on speaker phone with his dad and then she puts it on speaker to talk to both of them. He tells them that there are absolutely stunning girls and it couldn’t have gone better, but they should go back to sleep but he loves them.
Ben is in the middle a speech and we’ve got Mandi with her big rose on her head stealing him away. She then decides it’s a good idea to floss his teeth right away and gives him a checkup.
No pressure, but Olivia talks about how she quit her full-time job as a news anchor to come here and be with him.
He seems like he’s doing a good job with the conversations and we don’t have too of crazy girls yet. So that means we need the ominous music playing and a limo pulling up! Harrison is standing on the driveway waiting for it. Out walks Amber and Becca!
Amber needed to come out because she didn’t feel like she had a fair shot with Farmer Chris, and once she found out it was Ben she decided she may as well cash in her last few mins of her 15 mins of fame!
Becca….she looks smokin! Harrison brings up how much was made of her and her virginity and wondering if Ben is actually that guy. Becca said something clicked with Ben and she wants to meet him.
Harrison talks about how they wanted to bring them in, but it was up to Ben what he wanted to do. He could send them home right away or they could get roses. They walk into the mansion, and it’s Becca first followed by Amber. Becca is really nice but the girls are PISSED to see her! Lace said that they all know that Becca has one-up on them, I don’t know how, maybe because she has morals and beliefs?!?!
So they all know that they brought Amber on, but we don’t really care about Amber…sorry I’m being honest here. We all know I’m ALL IN on Becca!
Ben is talking to this girl in a side room and I know I should care and be able to tell you who it is, but at this point, I’m like a little kid who spotted Santa, because Becca is sneaking up on them. I know that this will show Ben’s real feelings here. This is when you know they aren’t actors and we get to see first impression what he thinks when he’s caught off guard.
He sees a girl outta the corner of his eye and he’s being polite and ignoring girl sneaking up on him and letting other girl finish her thought.
I WISH I had a picture or a video to show Ben’s face! His mouth hangs open in surprise, his eyes get really big. He then says “whatttttttt” and draws it out and has a smile on his lips. The girl he’s talking to, is super polite, says it was nice to talk to Ben but she’s gonna let Ben and Becca talk.
Lace is letting her crazy flag fly! She’s opened the door where Ben and Becca are and is peering thru the door spying on them. We are getting a play by play from her, so we know they are holding hands.
Ben sees Amber and it’s in a way more of his limo face. He has a smile on and plays it like “what’s going on?” but doesn’t seem as shocked as he was to see Becca. Amber sits down with Becca & Ben, I’m sure they had one on one interaction, but we didn’t see it.
Lace grabs Ben after he’s talked to a few ladies and he knows her as his first kiss. She asks if she can have a better kiss. He ends up being a gentleman and telling her that it’s easy to get swept away in the physical part of this, but wants to actually talk to and get to know girls! WHAT A NOVEL CONCEPT!!!!!
Lace is pissed and drunk and bad mouthing anyone and everyone. She’s walking around the mansion. Ben comes in and asks the girls if they’ve seen Lace. He grabs her and takes her outside by the pool. All the girls are watching from the patio as they talk. He finishes his train of thought to assure her that she did nothing wrong. Lace evidently takes it as a sign of his undying love and affection, though Ben is showing he’s the most articulate Bachelor we’ve had at least thru the first night.
Lauren B and Ben are talking and they just seem natural. He’s trying to woo her and she’s complimenting him, but not gushing over him. She’s teasing him. They look like a couple you’d actually see out in public. There is giggling and lots of grinning at each other.
Ben grabs the first impression rose and all the girls in the room can’t take their eyes off the rose. He grabs Olivia, our girl who quit her job to come here!
Alright! Let’s get to the ROSE CEREMONY!
- Olivia—first impression rose
2. Lauren B.—giggling grinning fools
3. LB- fuchsia dress girl!
4. Caila—nobody puts Baby in the corner!
5. Amber—-evidently they did talk one-on-one and it went well!
6. Jami—she does seem sweet, hopefully we get to know her and not just her nerves!
7. Jennifer—-there’s a chance for a new Bennifer!
8. Jubilee—-her dress must’ve worked, or he’s scared she’ll beat the crap outta him if she’s not selected
9. Amanda—her daughters will be happy
10. JoJo—-the unicorn head must’ve worked out
11. Leah—-hiking a football worked out for her!
12. Rachel—the hoverboard paid off for her!
13. Samantha—guess they will be celebrating the fact that she passed the bar
14. Jackie—no idea who she is
15. Haley—one of the twins
16. Emily —- the other twin
17. Sushanna—they didn’t even speak in English to one another!
18. Lauren H. —- the kindergartner teacher!
19. BECCA——-He smirks as he says her name and looks directly at her. Maybe because she’s one of the only one’s he knows her name for sure.
20. Mandi—really?!?! The Dentist?!?! with the huge rose on her head?!?! That has to be a producer/crazy call right?!?
Final Rose time!!!!
21. Lace——okay, Mandi and her have to be on to bring the ratings, because there’s no way he’s into ALL that crazy!!!
That means going home is:
Chicken enthusiast, Red Velvet Laura, Gluten is Satan girl, Izzy—Ben is the Onesie for me, Megan the cowgirl and her pony, Jessica and Lauren R.
They all toast and it’s certainly time for bed, but Lace doesn’t know when to say enough is enough, so she needs to pull him to the side and talk to him again. She’s mad at him because he didn’t look at him once during the rose ceremony and she thought for sure she was gonna go home. She’s already questioning things and putting him on the defensive and playing games and oh man….GO TO BED LACE!!!!!
He’s pointing out that he LITERALLY just got done telling someone goodbye and she got a rose so she should be happy. But she’s insane! And he screams out in his interview that he gave her a rose! Lace be happy, you’re playing with house money and will be going home soon!
So there we go! That was episode 1! We made it through episode 1 where Ben didn’t kiss anyone, Lace did give him that peck at the limo entrance, but that was outta his control, I’m proud of him and hope I stay that way!
We’re gonna have lots of tears and lots of drama! BRING IT ON!!!
Until next week,