“Let’s Say your Hitler….Let’s not say I’m Hitler”

Night one of the two night Bachelorette extravaganza is starting and we start off with a bang right away!

Is Chad the only one in Bachelor history to eat on camera? We see him & Daniel using Protein powder, counting calories & popping steroids & maybe some Jessie Spano caffeine pills.

 

Alright, so we’re going on our first one-on-one date of the show. It’s Chase & him and JoJo are going to go to Hot Yoga. We are recycling the storyline of Farmer Chris and Carly from their date….of course if I remember correctly their date was much later on in the season, not literally the first time you’re spending any one-on-one time with them. Chase sees his moment and goes in for the kiss, so props to him. If you want to feel the awkwardness of the date, feel free to watch this and you’ll be reminded of it!

 

 

We’ve survived the awkward date. We get them to the dinner portion of the evening. I like Chase, he’s gonna be our darkhorse of the season, he’s been in the background, but is making his presence known now. He comes from a divorced family, his parents divorced when he was 8, so he wants to do this once and do it right. He’s opening up and seems to be real and genuine, I’m a fan of Chase. And here’s the first concert of the season! We’ve got a private concert with Charles Kelly and JoJo & Chase. Which means there is swaying and making out while Charles Kelly and his band play music.

And since this show is just recycled from the last 20+ seasons, we have a bromance sequences of Daniel & Chad……their bromance is no where near as epics as JJ & Clint’s from Kaitlyn’s season tho, sorry boys!

UMMMMM and not to derail this blog, but to derail this blog! I was looking for the clip of JJ I believe it was saying “Villains gotta vill” when he was called the villain, and couldn’t find that clip, but stumbled across something even better! It’s JJ & Clint’s website!!!! This is brilliant that they cashed in on their 15 mins of fame. I need to dig into this more, but just because I HAVE to share it! Please check this out: http://www.villainsgottavill.com/the-villains/ 

We’ve got a group date card! “Love has no secrets”

  1. Jordan—front runner- Aaron Rodgers bro
  2. Grant—firefighter
  3. Wells—DJ who almost died last week to prove his love
  4. James F.—Cutie who avoids drama, but needs to step it up because he’s always in the background.
  5. Christian—gets up at 4:30 am to hit the gym and bros live with him
  6. Ali—plays piano
  7. Daniel—Canadian model who loves Chad
  8. Vinny—drunk guy from first night who’s here because she can’t cut everyone at once
  9. Nick—Santa Claus
  10. Evan—erectile dysfunction doctor, who’s getting fed up with Chad
  11. Alex—tiny Marine who kinda got into it with Chad last week
  12. Chad—-the villain

After the names are called the guys are lamenting not getting a one-on-one date. Then Chad’s gotta vill and says that he wishes his name wasn’t on the card, he’d rather just stay at home and not go on the group date. James Taylor calls him out and says that it’s easy for him to say that, but imagine being James Taylor, Luke, Robby or Derek who’s names aren’t on that card.

Chad then tries to back track and say that he just wishes there were less guys here right now. He’s attempting to eat his words. The guys are giving him crap and telling him to cross his name off the date card, like Harrison has told us, there are no rules, once the word “Sharpie” gets mentioned, Chad’s claws come out.

Jordan decides under his breath to say that he wants to be on Chad’s team only if it’s a bench-pressing competition and not a spelling bee. Well now Chad’s ANGRY! He lashes out at Jordan and tells him he’s just a failed football player. What has he done in his life other than throw leather around? Considering how much money people can make throwing pieces of leather around, I wouldn’t push too hard. Alex is antagonizing Chad and pushing his buttons, Chad wants to go outside…guys are drinkin and talking about how this escalated quickly. Which obviously means time for a commercial break…we gotta get more protein!

Okay we’re at a theatre, the guys are sitting in two rows in the middle and JoJo isn’t telling them what the show is. The guys are confused and wondering what’s going on. Okay, well this is certainly not kid appropriate. I hope all your kids are in bed, because the show they are at is called “Sex Talks” and they disclosure A LOT of PERSONAL INFORMATION. Yeah…because what my television needs more of is sex…..screw love and romance, let’s just get to the nitty gritty…sigh….so yeah, settle in because evidently the theme of this episode is to make Lindsay feel as uncomfortable as possible, which is saying something for this show!

Pretty sure Jordan and I are one person right now….this is my face, except his is prettier, and he has better hair and I’m lounging on a couch:

You can see the realization on the guys faces when they realize what in the world is going on. Evan is pumped, it’s another day at the office for our erectile dysfunctional doctor, he talks about sex all the time. JoJo is a very physical person and intimacy is very important to her, so she wants to know whoever she’s with is comfortable talking about sex, (with all of America, because who doesn’t want millions of people to have opinions about what’s happened in your personal life?)

James F. made me literally LOL in his interview “All of my nightmares are coming true. Mom, you need to turn off the tv right now and NEVER turn it on again!”

My girl Becca has a tweet as she’s watching her best friend JoJo look for love and I’m reminded of why I love her, and why she’d never be a lead on the show because she’s too pure (aka a virgin).

Ugh…I’m mad at myself because I kinda side with Chad for not wanting to share stories, but of course we’re coming at this from two different angles when he said she hasn’t “earned it” yet.

Grant is actually pretty humorous. He knows how to tell a story. Daniel evidently had a moment where he felt compelled to cut off part of a girls hair while he was being intimate since he always carries a knife with him. I also have realized that quite a few of these guys had sex at 16, or at least that’s the socially acceptable number they decided to use, so they feel like big wigs. These guys are not holding back.

So evidently Evan has decided he’s just gonna go after Chad during his story. JoJo already knows about his career. He talks about a cautionary tale of steroids, and is CALLING OUT Chad. Chad is sitting in the shadows and glaring at him. Poor Ali is sitting next to him and can feel the anger coming off of him. Wells mentions it was gutsy of Evan to say something, since Wells and Evan are the smallest guys.

Of course Chad has to follow Evan’s story, because yeah the producers are those people. Well Evan and Chad are in the same row, so they pass one another, JoJo is standing up and wants a hug from Evan, the other guys are fist pumping Evan, Chad passes Evan, Evan is leaning down to hug JoJo and Chad grabs the back of Evan’s shirt and rips it….because that is the way to prove you’re not on steroids….

And right as this is going down, and Chad goes on stage, JoJo is making sure Evan is okay as she’s confused and has no idea about the crazy tension in the house, Chad needs a volunteer on stage. She goes down. He gives a spiel about how people don’t know what’s going on between JoJo and Chad, today is not about the past, it’s about the future and he wanted to go in for the romantic making out kiss, but she turns her head and gives him her cheek. Which the guys love because he didn’t get the kiss. She’s disappointed that he doesn’t want to play along, that’s 2 group dates in a row that he isn’t playing well.

All the guys leave the stage to applause and go backstage and are all congratulating one another on a job well done. Chad punches a big door on his way out (again great way to prove not into steroids). He then goes straight for Evan and puts his finger to Evan’s throat and pushes. Evan is lucky that Grant is standing next to him because Grant steps between them.

Daniel, kinda turns on his bromance buddy, the Canadian in him outrules the bromance. He doesn’t think it’s right to revert to violence unless we’re playin hockey. He tries to calm Chad down and said that it was all teasing in good fun.

Jordan then notices that Chad’s knuckles are bleeding and calls him out, as it does appear as if he hit someone. Chad’s explanation is that a door walked into his fist and if he can’t lift weights he’s gonna murder someone….because again, that’s a great way to prove your not on steroids…….

Okay, night portion of the date time…because things aren’t crazy enough!

Jordan steals JoJo first. Jordan talks about his past relationship and talks about how he put things before his last girlfriend. He was second-guessing himself with his career and probably comparing himself to his superstar brother. He’s feeling more confident in himself, so he thinks he will again. He’s being a little more vulnerable and she’s eating it up. They still have their physical chemistry and are going to be more open with one another and they prove it by making out.

JoJo talks about how one of the things she needs is to feel safe.

Of course at that time, we see JoJo and Nick talking with one another and up comes Chad. JoJo is REALLY not feeling Chad…you know how you can tell? Because she kinda snaps at him that Nick had just sat down. Chad decides to go into the next room, which is maybe 10 feet away, pull up a chair and plop down. They can’t see him, but Nick is feeling uncomfortable. JoJo tries to say Chad’s not there, so Chad decides to start whispering. Both JoJo and Nick look towards a producer, Nick gets up and stares at Chad who’s staring at his watch and Nick & JoJo go into another room away from him.

Chad tells the guys that he’s mad at Evan not because of the jokes he made, because that doesn’t bother him, what bothered him was that he told Evan “Hold on” before he went into the row so they could pass one another without getting in the way. Well Evan didn’t wait and tried to plow over Chad….One Chad is like 2 Evans….well that’s what pissed Chad off….he’s getting bullied now by Evan because Evan has been bullied his whole life.

Holy crap, we’re back at the Bachelor mansion and I gotta be honest, I COMPLETELY forgot about these 5 guys! There is so much drama in the group date, I can’t believe I forgot we got one more one-on-one…and it’s gonna be James Taylor and God Bless you James Taylor, I’m gonna need your one-on-one date after this group date.

Chad just keeps hovering around the guys and is namedropping on all the conversations and then judging them to the camera. I wanna know if he gave this info to the producers without them asking or if they ask and convince him to say this stuff.

Chad finally gets his time with JoJo and starts it by basically telling her he didn’t wanna go on this date. She tries to ask him what’s going on with Evan and he tells her that it’s like the school-kid beating up the bully and she appropriately responds by telling him to stop being a bully!

Evan then decides to be even more gutsy and he goes in and interrupts Chad’s time with JoJo. Evan and JoJo are certainly in the friends zone. Evan is being the person who’s putting it all on the line and telling JoJo how it is. He gives her an ultimatum by saying if Chad is there and he stays then Evan is gone….Harrison is right, the rules are thrown out! Evan has created his own Two-On-One date, within a group date!!!

JoJo comes in and grabs the rose and sits in the middle of the guys. She has the rose, all the guys know about the ultimatum that Evan gave JoJo and she grabs the rose, and asks to talk to Evan by himself. JoJo tells Evan that she wants him to stay, and wants to continue to get to know him, but doesn’t know if she can get rid of Chad just yet, she gives him the rose, he accepts and they kiss (a very chaste, cute kiss). Evan talks about how this rose is also for his sons to know that love is worth fighting for. His ultimatum seems to be completely forgotten about.

Chad is dumbstruck that Evan got the rose. His face is not hiding anything. JoJo catches his eye and asks him whats going on. Chad says “Is this real life?” Then Grant who’s our firefighter and resident bodyguard of Evan steps up and tells him to calm down. JoJo is not impressed with how disrespectful Chad is being and when he’s called on it, he shows he’s not disrespectful by rolling his eyes. The other guys are thrilled that Chad is showing his true colors in-front of JoJo.

We’re finally done with the group date and it’s the next morning. We have Wells and Derek talking to one another, and I wish I were there with them. I really like both these guys….but they’re getting sucked into the drama because Derek pulled the unlucky straw and ended up with the bed right next to Chad and since he’s just slightly bigger than Wells he doesn’t feel comfortable sleeping next to a roid raging Chad when he’s on a bender. Wells completely gets it because of how vulnerable of a position you are when you sleep.

HOLY CRAP!!!! There is a SECURITY GUARD!!!!!! Not our guy dressed in all black who comes into the hotel room and takes the suitcases away towards the end of the season when they don’t get a rose on a date, but a legit security guard! How do I know, because he has a shirt and on the back it says Security guard and he’s standing guard in the room where the guys sleep and Chad doesn’t seem bothered at all….that’s it, I thought I was done with this whole nonsense, but that just amped up my engagement level! That’s something we haven’t seen yet on this show.

 

Oh man, God Bless James Taylor he got his date. They’re going back in time and look like they’re dressed for the 40s. James is such a charmer. They have a 92 year old lady teaching them how to swing dance, and James teases her saying that she looks barely a day over 45. I liked James attitude and outlook on life before this date, but dang after last night group date debacle I needed some James Taylor in my life!

I’m jumping on the James Taylor for Bachelor campaign right now! He’s so joyful, and just makes me feel happier watching him, I think he’s real and genuine. JoJo can’t stop smiling when she’s around him and I can’t stop smiling when he’s on my tv, a whole season of him would make me so happy and he’d be so appreciative.

Okay, back to the mansion where Chad and Daniel are talking outside while the security guard patrols the perimeter. Daniel warns him that people think he’s a lose cannon. Daniel said that his negativity is starting to bring him down and it’s really bumming out my Canadian.

Best line ever in Bachelor franchise history is uttered by Daniel:

“Let’s pretend your Hitler…”

“Let’s not pretend I’m Hitler!”

Daniel is telling him that by hanging out with Chad, it’s really going to hurt his rep so if Chad could just tone it down a notch, that’d really help out Daniel’s cause. He wants to be known as the drunk Male Model Canadian, not the sidekick to the douche.

Back to JoJo and James Taylor…JT is on his game, he’s asking JoJo questions about her that she’s asking him. JoJo’s afraid their in the friend zone and wants to know if there’s a romantic connection between the two of them. JT was made fun of because of his looks, he doesn’t see himself as attractive, he sees himself as average. He doesn’t have the self-confidence in himself. COME ON JT! Bachelor Nation loves you and it’d be our honor for you to be our Bachelor!!! For now we’ll have to settle for him getting a rose from JoJo and staying on our screens for at least another week. JT sings JoJo a song on his guitar and she’s loving it. She cries, wipes away tears and they make out.

Okay back to the mansion. We’ve got Wells, Derek and Nick on the balcony staring down at Chad making lots of noise as he’s lifting weights with Alex & Daniel.

Chris Harrison walks in and rounds everybody up during the day. This is the time to lounge by the pool, all the dates have happened, what’s going on Harrison?!?! JoJo is breaking all the rules and has decided there will be NO cocktail party before the rose ceremony tonight!!! Has that ever happened this early in a show before??? When you have 4 guys who didn’t go on dates??? Does she even know all the guys names??? When JoJo comes to the house tonight, we’re going straight to rose ceremony….oh wait Harrison buries the lead, we’re having a pool party cocktail party instead of just a normal cocktail party.

Evan follows Harrison out the door and wants to chat. The guys are confused as to what’s going on. Evan wants to tell Harrison what is going on…it’s hilarious to me that he has to tattle to Harrison. I get that Harrison actually wasn’t physically in attendance to see the door shoving, ripping of the shirt, the security guard, but obviously the show knows about it, and it’s not like Harrison needs to hear it from a contestant, but a Producer wanted it set up this way, and it appears more dramatic, so I guess, let’s go for it! Harrison is gonna step in!!!

He grabs Chad and goes outside with him. He takes him out to the pool, so no matter what he’ll have to walk back by the guys…and also the guys are able to listen in on the conversation as they are in the living room with the doors and windows open. The way Evan snaps at the guys when they ask him what he said that made Harrison take him outside, kinda proves the point he didn’t necessarily wanna tattle but kinda had to.

Harrison tells Chad “It’s been brought to my attention that there’s been some violence, directed violence towards guys that don’t feel safe.” Harrison mentions that a lot of guys have mentioned him being on steroids, and Chad said how could he bring the steroids? Harrison said there’s a line that needs to be drawn and it’s the violence. They are not kicking him off. This is his moment to settle it and resolve it, it’s his last straw.

Which of course means HE’S PISSED! And stalking towards his prey in the living room….and we get the TO BE CONTINUED. Let’s just say from the previews of tomorrow night’s show it doesn’t look like a super pleasant pool party, but I will be tuning in and blogging about it 🙂

Until tomorrow!
Lindsay

 

 

 

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