Hanging Chad

We’re back after a week hiatus! We know that drama will be coming because it’s the most dramatic season EVER. We catch up with the guys celebrating the fact that Chad went home on the 2 on 1 date, and they know that because they saw the big ominous guy dressed in black come take his suitcase away. My guy Wells is passing out protein powder that Chad left behind and all the guys throw the ashes off the balcony while Wells gives a eulogy and James Taylor plays a song on his guitar.

We are now to the point where they left us hanging for 2 weeks, where Chad is knocking on the door and all the guys are ignoring the knock. He puts his hands on the glass and who’s shocked that his friend Damn Daniel that answers the door. He has what I’m going to assume is a bowl of ice cream that he continues to eat while he asks Chad how the date went. Chad tells him it went GREAT!

All the guys are crowded in the hallway asking Chad what they did on the date. He talks about how Alex in his portion of the date just talked about him and now JoJo thinks he may be too intense or something…you don’t say!

Jordan is the spokesperson and said that he could see how it’d be hard to have 15 guys not understanding what you’re trying to say, and he wants to take this moment to apologize and asks Chad if he wants to apologize…basically saying, hey let’s not air ALL of our dirty laundry on ABC and the Men Tell All, we can just leave it all behind in whatever the hell country that is perfect to fall in love place we’re at, I can’t even remember or care anymore.

Of course Chad doesn’t want to do that and doesn’t take any blame on him and forces it all on the other guys yet again. James F. is in the background with a migraine, Damn Daniel is still eating his ice cream, and my boy Wells wants to be anywhere but here. Chad is attempting to break Jordan’s hand when shaking it goodbye, and because this is the story-line that REFUSES to die, Evan is demanding money from Chad because he ripped his shirt, Evan knows this is his moment to ask because he has 15 guys in this hallway backing him up, if Chad goes for him, any other time and he’s on his own.

Chad’s out, we don’t even get a goodbye interview in a reject van from him. We just get a twirl and a “I’m out” until Bachelor in Paradise. Which I believe is filming right now, which is interesting, because Chad posted this on Instagram today, which leads me to believe he’s not going  to be staying on BIP very long if he’s already Instagramming his life….he’s also showing Villains gonna vill real hard core and not hold anything back.

 

This is Chad making out with Robbie’s ex-girlfriend and the post is throwing shade at Robbie….Chad you were with these fellas for what 3 weeks at the most and here we are 3 months later and you’re still letting that dictate your every movement, honey you need to let it go! Holding onto this much anger and resentment is not good for you!

ALSO, could you have anymore hashtags????

 

Alex is our new American hero and who says this show is dramatic???? We’ve got a rose ceremony to get us thru and attempt to remember the guys names after 2 weeks….is it sad as they’re panning the crowd I’m like “OH yea! Hey you!”

Robbie is evidently 100% falling for JoJo, have they spent any time together to be at that point? Well they throw something in the wishing well/fountain and he goes in for the kiss, which is right in-front of a window where everyone can see.

Now that Chad is gone, the guys have no common enemy so now they will turn on one another!

James F. decides to read a poem that he’s had for a couple weeks and wants to read it to her, he reads it, she cries and then our American hero comes in and swoops in.

Damn Daniel is pissed because Luke who has a rose comes in and interrupts his time with JoJo. Luke wants to recount their date, but all we’re talking about is how “Crazy” it was, and it was “amazing” they are literally giving me NOTHING to recall the date they went on….I got nothing…..and am too lazy to go back to my recap to see what it was, I did like it I recall, but it doesn’t matter, he throws out the cliche “I’m falling for you” she thanks him by making out with him.

BAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAA

I LOVE YOU WELLS!!!!!!!!!!! He’s talking with Evan and Jim Halpert who I can’t remember his real name right now (sorry Jim!) and he said there was something good about Chad, he was a common enemy!!!!! Wells, honey, I know you aren’t in the final 2, you’re too sweet of a soul to make it that far, please look me up! I’m in Lincoln, NE, the middle of the country, I’m a fun girl, we’re on the same wavelength, I think we can make this work!

Jordan steals JoJo and pushes her up against a wall and makes out with her, the guys are literally on the other side of the wall….it’s not even a ploy that they’re proving with editing, we can see them making out and then the guys sitting on the sectional couch. I’m just hoping they can’t hear the smooching noises that we’re hearing on our tv screens. This scene is attempting to recreate Arie and Emily, but we know Arie & Emily’s was epic.

Okay, rose ceremony time!

  1. Luke—one on one date
  2. Jordan—group date
  3. Alex—-2 one 1 date
  4. Derek—that’s Jim Halpert’s name!
  5. Robbie–
  6. Chase
  7. Wells——-YEA!!!!!!!!! Hell yeah he’ll accept the rose!
  8. Grant—firefighter for the win!
  9. Vinny—–really, this guy?!?!?
  10. James Taylor—-he gets to croon for another day!
  11. Evan——REALLY!?!?! He gets the final rose?!?!!?

So going home is Damn Daniel (it’s about time, you’ve been riding on Chad’s coattails. I’m very sad that James F. is going home, he should be sticking around more than Vinny or Evan! Damn Daniel is very sad that JoJo is going for personality instead of looks, if she just was going for looks than obviously he’d still be around..

I completely forgot we were still in Pennsylvania! We’re heading to South America, specifically Uruguay. We need to teach half these guys how to pronounce the country’s name.

Jordan gets the one-on-one date….the guys are all super quiet when it’s Jordan’s name read, as they all know he’s the favorite and has spent a lot of time with JoJo and damn, Wells is on my wavelength again, he reminds me he also got the first impression rose and that he’s the front-runner. He tells me (Just me guys, not all of you :)) he thinks that Jordan is here just to get a stamp on his passport. I do wonder if Jordan is genuine.

I have had this discussion with quite a few of my coworkers in the last 2 weeks about how I think that JoJo is most similar to Andi of our recent Bachelorette contestants. I think she wants a boyfriend, but is looking for that and not really a husband. I say this, because let’s think of the real and honest conversations that have happened, there haven’t been that many. We’re in the top 11 and I can’t really tell you a whole lot about the guys backgrounds other than their jobs. I don’t know about their sad stories, or their relationships with their parents, or Evan and his ex with the 3 kids. She’s physically attracted to most of these guys and isn’t afraid to show that. I think stature and status are more important to her than love….I don’t know if Jordan wasn’t Aaron Rodgers brother she’d have him as her front runner.

All the guys back at the house, have decided that Jordan is now our common enemy. They tell us that she knew he was a Pro NFL quarterback before they were on the show. Which is interesting……..also interesting is we see the guys back at the hotel and they’re reading “In-Touch” magazine….odd because they name drop a tabloid and then they talk about what’s in the magazine. Where JoJo’s ex ironically named Chad, talks about how they snuck around during the airing of  the Bachelorette and they’re in love…well the guys are pissed because why are they there if she’s in love with another guy?!?!

This is also very odd, because we know from many of the past contestants, that while filming our Bachelor/ettes are very isolated. No TVs, Cell Phones, Computers, Internet, they have each other, booze, journals, booze, haircuts, booze, nails, booze, the memory of their time with their beloved, booze, working out, booze, jealousy and booze. There’s no time in there for a tabloid magazine!

Nikki whom you all will remember as being Juan Pablo’s finalist tweeted this out, which proves this is a contrived plot twist:

Date card is here:

  1. Luke
  2. Derek
  3. Chase
  4. Evan
  5. James
  6. Vinny
  7. Grant
  8. Wells
  9. Alex

Which means the individual date is for Robbie.

Alright back to JoJo and Jordan, and in-between kisses he tells her everything he says he means and he is falling in love with her. JoJo confronts Jordan because she ran into a girl who used to date Jordan and he is not a great boyfriend evidently. He blew her off and there were trust issues….he is attempting to back pedal and see what he can say to not make America hate him. He blames sports for the reason that he was not ready to get married before but is now. He never cheated on the ex girlfriend. He flirted and enjoyed talking with girls when maybe he shouldn’t have. JoJo tells him that she’s falling for him as well. Jordan said that his pastor growing up told him that he shouldn’t say “I love you” to anyone that you’re not willing to put a ring on her finger. JoJo doesn’t necessarily push him on this conversation, I think she hears what she wants to hear and doesn’t want him to open up because she’d be afraid of  what he’d say, so she accepts the surface level explanation, apologizes for asking him a question, which she never should do and then makes out with him, offers him a rose and makes out with him more.

JoJo is smitten after her date with Jordan and is telling in her interview how happy she is. They show her in her interview room reading the article, getting pissed, and then crying and I’m afraid a wardrobe malfunction may happen with her girls. She is bashing her ex left and right.

JoJo goes in to talk to the guys, and tells the guys she’s here for the right reasons and doesn’t wanna deal with that scum anymore. She’s crying, but is doing such a pretty job of crying, she’s certainly not ugly crying.

We have the group date, and they are going sand surfing, it seems not very dramatic and that they are just having fun. We see her having fun with Luke, James T. and Wells.

Jim Halpert is running into the jealousy issues that plague all the people who get the very first one-on-one date! They make the connection first, but then everyone else catches up to them.

Oh hey, Jordan is not our only common enemy, Alex took down Chad, so now he wants to take down Derek/Jim Halpert! What the hell Alex, no one likes you, they said you were going to be our hero for one week, to be honest I think most of us would be more than happy if you and Chad would’ve both been sent home on the 2 on 1 date.

Group date rose goes to: Derek/Jim Halpert!!!

Alex said that she gave him the rose because he needed validation because he’s a little bitch….and he doesn’t want the pity rose…..WHAT WAS THE 2-on-1 ROSE?!?!? A PITY ROSE!!!!!!!!

JoJo and Robby are driving around the city streets. He’s wearing his tight pants on this date:

 

They climb over to look out at the sea/ocean and make out. Robby is an Olympic swimmer?!?! They are going to jump off this  cliff, she’s in a bikibi, there’s no way her top didn’t move and that had to kill her implants. They jumped in and then came out pretty quickly, so it was more for the symbolism than anything else.

Chase and Alex are ganging up on Derek about him needing reassurance. They are truly bullying him in every sense of the word, and I’m pissed. Alex needs to go home now. His small person complex is just annoying at this point…..I know it is one, because I have it as well….but I attempt to reign it in and use it for good and not evil. Alex thinks he’s Jordan all of a sudden and the golden child, he’s gonna be soooooooo annoying on the Men Tell All, ugh!

I just don’t think he’s gaining many fans in America, it seems like people all loved Jim Halpert, so this whole plan could really backfire in Alex’s face and to be honest with you, I truly hope it does! Karma is a bitch Alex, not Derek!

Robby tells JoJo that he loves her over dinner on their one-on-one date, this seems REALLY EARLY to be saying that. Robby’s best friend died in a texting car accident when he accidentally drove off a bridge. Robby knows that life is short and he wasn’t happy in his job, city or relationship so he started a new job, new city and now her. This doesn’t make it sound as crazy I guess given the context of this story when he says he loves her, but I do think it’s too early with their still 11 guys left. This is bordering on the Casey “I”m gonna guard and protect your heart” Though I think it’s workin out better for Robby!

http://video.usmagazine.com/previews/NTyJc6DT-qInh6Xrr

Okay cocktail party time! The guys are toasting to a good night. And Derek/Jim Halpert has had enough of the bullying and asks to speak to Alex, Robby, Chase and Jordan. He sounds uncomfortable, but I’m very glad that he’s speaking up and standing up for himself! Jordan gets all pissed that Derek would call them a high school clique because they aren’t and doesn’t Derek know how important this is???? Of course it’s 4 against 1 so Derek is obviously wrong and these guys aren’t and he’s being sensitive and obviously isn’t here for JoJo if he’s bringing this up tonight of all nights.

The guys come back in and Luke is confused, JoJo’s not there so he asks for a condensed version of what happens. Jordan does his best Gretchen Weiners impression from Mean Girls:

And said that Derek thought that he’s mean and they have a clique, if anyone else thinks so they should say something. How telling that most of the response is people drinking from their cocktails and avoiding eye contact.

DANG WELLS! We’re on fire! He said that regardless of what people think, if Derek thinks that his feelings should be listened to, and good for him for having the balls to say something!

Everyone is talking about how important time is tonight, that plus the fact that there are   15 minutes left, it is not shocking when Harrison comes in and tells us that there is no cocktail party! We’re going straight to the rose ceremony! 3 people are going home! Let’s do it!!!

  1. Jordan- one-on-one date rose
  2. Robby-one-on-one date rose
  3. Derek—Jim Halpert, group date rose, you’re not alone Jim!!!
  4. Luke—not surprising the broody guy gets one
  5. Chase—okay, kinda surprising, mean girl clique
  6. Alex—UGH!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO get him off my screen, he’s COMMON ENEMY
  7. James—sweet sweet James Taylor gets to stay on which makes me happy
  8. Wells!!!!!!!!!!! Final rose baby!!!!

Going home is:

  1. Vinny—hairdresser—who breaks down crying in his goodbye package
  2. Grant—firefighter
  3. Evan—I think he had to stay a week, so him and Chad weren’t on the same flight home, or Chad would’ve killed him!
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