YEA for James Taylor! Nay for Jordan & Robby! Recap of JoJo’s many horses!

Okay, now that the 4th of July is behind us, it’s time to get back to the Bachelorette. As you will recall, the last time we left our “gentlemen” and JoJo, she had broken my heart by sending Derek and Wells home. She had also left the rose ceremony and didn’t hand out 1 but 2 final roses.

We’re heading to the countryside and Alex gets his one-on-one date by riding in a car with her, while the rest of the guys get to go on a school bus that’s pimped out on the outside, but doesn’t look like it’s been updated on the inside since the 70s. LOL, the guys on the bus are cracking me up, they are doing a horrible rap, where they go around a circle and come up with different lines and drinking beer.

Alex is pissed that it’s his first one on one date. Him and JoJo are certainly in the friend zone. We see them eating snacks, we see them holding hands, but there is no spark there whatsoever. They can’t keep a conversation going at all….this is a REAL date! You will spend time in a car with your significant other, no you don’t need to talk non-stop but your silence should be comfortable silence instead of painful, which it seems they are both feeling pained, not lovey-dovey thoughts…and I’m sorry, but you wanted time Alex, this is your first uninterrupted time with her, how about “Tell me about your family? How’s your job? Who’s your best friend? What’s your favorite sports team?”

Alex has to dress up as a “gaucho” which I don’t know what that means, other than Alex looks like he’s a cute lil kid dressed up for Halloween. I’m gonna say it’s not a good thing Alex that JoJo laughs hysterically when she sees you. JoJo can’t get on the horse, their guide has to grab her butt and push her up, come on Alex, you need to help a girl out!

Mmmkkk, I don’t know what the hell is going on with this whole horse thing….the guacho gets the horse to lie down and I feel very uncomfortable watching it, just because it seems strangely intimate….what makes it even more awkward is when one guide points to the ground and tells JoJo and Alex that they can go spoon the horse. So they lie on the ground, and the horse’s head is in-between them in some awkward places, and what is more romantic and wanting to kiss someone than horse breath? Oh and the guy who got the horse in this submissive position, is sitting right behind JoJo petting the horses back, I don’t know if he needs to be there, so the horse doesn’t jump up or attack them, but of all the odd dates we’ve seen over the years, this one is certainly up there….after seeing this I would MUCH RATHER be on the bus with the other guys!

We’re at the night portion of the date and JoJo seems more excited to see a random dog than she’s been to see Alex at any point during their journey. JoJo was so glad that Alex seemed that he had a great time today. Alex said that if JoJo went home she’d meet his mom, his brother, sister-in-law and grandma. He wants her to meet them and he would like to crack a cold one with her brothers. Alex said that he doesn’t want to have any regrets and he thinks, no he knows, that he loves her….he keeps rambling for quite awhile, and not noticing that she’s not smiling, she’s crying and is giving him the shut-it-down signal and he’s not picking up on it at all. I don’t know how he loves her when they haven’t talked about anything. I think he knows that’s what he’s supposed to say so he can “win” a hometown date. I think he’s been in it for the competition, not for JoJo all season. JoJo sees this and says they aren’t on the same page and she doesn’t love him and won’t get to that point, so Alex is going home! Alex, you got what 2 or 3 weeks longer than you should’ve you should’ve gone on that 2-on-1 with Chad, but she kept you around for some reason.

Is it just me or did she seem more distraught to send Wells and Derek home?!?! Yes, she’s crying when the producers are asking her questions that I’m assuming are made to make her cry, but when he got in the car, she didn’t cry. It’s because Wells is the best!!!

The guys make it to the Argentinan countryside and they have a villa and infinity pool. Jordan gets to “toast” to love and gets the first second one-on-one date of the season. Jordan talks about how he’s not entitled, though he got a large white stretch limo to meet JoJo in a private jet, whereas Alex had to go home in a dirty CRV, but Jordan is NOT entitled.

Don’t worry, JoJo and Jordan are not talking while they are one the jet, so it’s the same as Alex and her, they aren’t talking about anything important, and really utilizing the time alone like they should, no they use time to swat spit. They just make out the whole time

They are at a vineyard and there are lots of grapes in a barrel and they are going to squish them with their feet. JoJo decides she wants to join Jordan in his barrel and then attempts to make this whole thing sexier than it is. Growing up my favorite TV show was “I Love Lucy” so there’s NO WAY you can make this sexy when this is automatically what I think of when I think of squishing grapes:

To recover from the strenuous work that they did, JoJo and Jordan are going to relax in a hot tub. And believe it or not, they make out some more. They don’t talk about anything, just keep kissing.

Luke and Chase are sitting down and having a conversation and letting us know about how tense things are. We have Alex gone…Jordan got the first impression rose so he must be the front-runner. Chase lets u know that he knows that JoJo knew who he was before they started filming. Luke talks about how Jordan was the most talked about one, the one with the most external hype, before the season started because of his brother. Chase mentions that Jordan fights with guys all around the house over lil things, is that what JoJo is going to be looking for in a husband?!?!

Okay night portion of their date! JoJo is showing that she’s feeling it for Jordan. She has a knee length skirt that has a slit that may reach the plunging V of her top. It’s certainly not the same outfit she wore for Alex. They have literally nothing to talk about to each other because they are recapping their date to one another, and talking about how things are fun and great, and they have so much fun together!

Hometowns are next week and Jordan’s feeling great! He hasn’t brought a girl home in years, well yeah, because he dated his ex for what 3 years, 5 years, something like that, so she just becomes part of the family, she’s not someone new. Your lil flings you aren’t gonna bring around, because your girlfriend is around, don’t act like you’ve been a choir boy Jordan!

JoJo will meet: his mom and dad, his oldest brother Luke and his dog. Jordan tries to be all sly by saying his middle brother won’t be there. JoJo asks who his middle brother is. Jordan says “Aaron” oh wait Aaron, who you’ve been name-dropping all season?!?! Aaron who’s coat-tails you’ve certainly been riding for the last few years…that Aaron?!?!?

JoJo is now super serious and wants to know why Aaron won’t be there? Don’t you know Jordan the whole reason you’ve been kept around is because JoJo has dreams of being a football wife? And if you aren’t going to be in the NFL, than your brother is going to have provide her with that lifestyle.

Jordan has a great relationship with oldest brother Luke. Aaron and him don’t have much of a relationship and of course it’s Aaron’s fault. Aaron has chosen to do his life, where he has supposedly cut out his parents and brothers. Maybe he has, but I don’t know, I don’t trust Jordan and his complete innocence in this charade. Jordan and Aaron don’t talk to each other and Aaron has no idea that Jordan is doing the Bachelorette….yeah sure he doesn’t….you don’t think the second that Jordan name-dropped his brother to get in-front of a camera, someone in Hollywood didn’t tell Aaron or his girlfriend Olivia Munn what was going on….oh yeah and now think of all the publicity he’s getting because of his brother….but Jordan can’t imagine all the pressure he has on him and all the people using his name to get ahead, who would ever do such a thing?!?!

Jordan walked away from football, he could’ve kept playing, though he was only on practice teams and a few at that, and was probably cut, but sure Jordan you could’ve kept playing, keep telling yourself that!

Jordan now knows he needs to save face, so he tells JoJo that he is so in love with her and has wanted to tell her that since their first one-on-one date. That makes her ecstatic so they of course are done talking now, and need to make out some more.

On their way home Jordan does his best Arie impression, but Arie is still unbeatable in this move, why do people even try?

Chase, James & Robby are on the group date! It’s pouring rain, so they aren’t able to have fun outdoors anymore. They have to come to her suite and hang. It’s supposedly the “perfect slumber party” because why wouldn’t you want to have a sleepover with one girl and 3 guys?!?!

JoJo dares James to put as many french fries in his mouth as he can. We’ve got a massage train going on. Charades. Truth or Dare. Robby has to strip down and run thru the hallway, his biggest concern was his mike. He mooned them at the end of the hallway. The Brazilian Bachelor. All of them cuddling on a very small bed. James is calling Robby wandering-eyes Robby, and saying he looks at all the pretty girls on the street.

Robby’s last girlfriend wasn’t family approved. His dad was not a fan of her…so now we’re bashing Robby’s ex which seems mean, she didn’t agree to be on this show, so why is her dirty laundry being aired? Robby is a huge family man, and she only let him meet her mom once. They also broke up in December (he said Christmas break, he’s not in school, so why are we still referring to it as Christmas break?) He tries to say that this was 4.5 months ago, no way, buddy, we’re lucky if it was 3 months ago…plus you already had your application in before you broke up with her. We started filming in March, there ain’t no way you got thru all the screenings that you needed to before you broke up with her…and after 3 years of dating, do you really think the first thing you should do is jump on a dating show? And the fact that you told JoJo you LOVED her after you hadn’t even had a one-on-one date yet………RED FLAG!!!!! RED FLAG!!!! RED FLAG!!!!!!!!!! You are on the rebound and don’t really care about girls and relationships, obviously!!!!

Now Chase’s turn and it’s driving me crazy because he reminds me of someone I’ve seen on TV recently but can’t place it, if someone can help me out, I’d appreciate it. She tells Chase that things change when you bring in families. Chase really really likes her a lot and is ready to bring her home because he’s ready to spend the rest of his life with her. They make out and Chase is my new #2!

James Taylor and JoJo are now talking. James thinks they have a sweet, genuine and real relationship. He kinda calls her out that she has more of physical relationships with others, James you’re way too good for her! I want to meet the Taylors because all you feel around them is love. He’s so sweet and nice. He’s falling for her and she’s kissing him.

JoJo now has to give a date rose to someone who guarantees that she’s going to meet their family next week for hometown dates. She of course gives a rose to the RED FLAG also known as Robby, which doesn’t shock me, but obviously does disappoint me. They get to spend more time together, which means they are going to make out, while Robby & JoJo are just going to make out more.

Luke gets his one-on-one date. They are at a ranch and get to play with horses, since he did ride up on a horse night one instead of riding in the limo. Luke is becoming my #1, because he’s actually talking to JoJo and telling her about his childhood, he’s explaining what breaking in a horse means and talks about how that helped him with human psychology. Luke is thrilled with the date, because this is his life, riding horses and being laid back. They are now shooting the clay discs, which certainly reminds me of the old school Nintendo game of Duck Hunt from when I was little. Poor Luke doesn’t even get a dinner portion, he just gets wine sitting by the barn.

Luke mentions something that says that a lot of people are very selfish in life and that they have their life planned out, he doesn’t have that because he wants to figure out what his partner in the journey wants.

We’re going to a rose ceremony! The guys are all shocked, thinking Luke is just home getting ready for part 2 of his date, evidently the producers threw them for a loop and moved the Rose Ceremony up a night!

  1. Robby—–UGH RED FLAG!
  2.  Luke—–You’re my new #1, and I hope you make it far Luke! We’re all counting on you!
  3. Jordan—–UGH RED FLAG #2!!!

Final rose goes to:

4. Chase—-so I have one more week to try and figure out who in the world he reminds me of!

James Taylor I am so sad that you are leaving us, but trust me, you don’t want to end up with her, she doesn’t deserve you and wouldn’t know how to handle you. Luke told him he loved him when it was time for his goodbye, so hopefully he made a life-long friend out of this!

JoJo wants to sit down and talk with him, and ever the gentleman he agrees. She starts crying right away, which then turns into him crying. He doesn’t have the confidence and it breaks my heart, because he gets the “You deserve a great girl” line, but he absolutely deserves that and I want him to love himself and to find a great girl! They keep talking about how they’ll miss each other and are both crying. This is certainly the saddest goodbye of the season. James Taylor, you were such a positive influence on this show that can have LOTS of negative! We’re really going to miss you on our TV!

Next week is hometowns, when we get to see how crazy some of these families really are! JoJo breaks down real bad on what looks like a runway in a really pretty blue dress. I’m assuming next week will be way more dramatic than this week!

TUESDAY AUGUST 2!!!!!! Bachelor in Paradise starts that day, and I gotta tell you, I am more excited for that then I am for the end of JoJo’s season.

Until next week friends!

Lindsay

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