Nick and all of his Brides!

Alright, we’re back for week 2! The girls have moved into the mansion, they are all crushing on Nick! We have 22 girls and Harrison tells us that it’s physically impossible for all the girls to go on dates, I don’t know if PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE was the phrase he was looking for, unless he was talking about Nick’s reputation for what he does on a date….but let’s hope he’s cleaned it up a little bit since he is our Bachelor!

We have the first date card of the season, and goodness the girls are already hitting the mimosas. Memo to all, we’re going hard this season folks! These girls may not be here to find a husband, they’re here to have a good time with Nick and enjoy the free booze!

Josephine picks up the date card to read it, I can’t not comment on her outfit, she’s wearing the off the shoulder shirt, but the sleeves start at her elbows basically, and there s NO neck or even an attempt of a cover-up, she’s basically wearing a black strapless bras with elbow sleeves…making it dang near impossible to pay attention to the names coming out of her mouth, but I’ll try!

  1. Corrine—villain, the one who has a nanny and is very spoiled
  2. Vanessa—printed dress girl from first week, special ed teacher
  3. Sarah—-teacher who “ran-up” to him last week
  4. Alexis—shark/dolphin girl
  5. Hailey—horrible pick-up line about what does a girl wearing underwear say
  6. Lacey—came in on Camel
  7. Brit–maybe a nurse, no idea
  8. Jasmine—NBA dancer
  9. Raven—our country girl
  10. Danielle L—Boobs McGee, looks like the girls are a lil more hidden, but we got a deep v situation, so idk how much they’re hidden
  11. Taylor—she has had issues with being bullied for being biracial
  12. Elizabeth W.—in a wedding dress last week

The date card reads always a bridesmaid, never a bride and Elizabeth W smirks and thinks not at the rose ceremony đŸ™‚

K, the girls are running out to 3 sports cars, that are convertible type cars, I’m not a car girl, so sorry, that’s as good as it gets. Corrine tells us she’s never been a bridesmaid before and all of America collectively rolls their eyes and goes “No $*** sherlock, you’re a mean girl no one would ever want you to be a bridesmaid, you’d be a bridezilla for a bridesmaid!”

And Danielle shows that she’s gonna live up to her nickname again. She’s wearing a top that has the plunging “V” and it ties at the boobs and shows the midriff. I had high hopes Danielle, I still think I like you, just want you to cover up!

All the girls are hugging him and saying hello to him and I’m not really paying attention, like I should, until we get to Alexis (shark/Dolphin girl) who says “I don’t know if you remember me, but I’m Alexis” and without missing a beat Nick answers “OMG, it’s so nice to meet you!” That my friends is why I think he kept Alexis, they have similar senses of humor, he knows he’s not gonna marry her, but sometimes you need the clown around, especially with all the other drama that’s gonna be going on!

Alright the date is taking wedding photos on the first date, shouldn’t that be bad luck? Also, haven’t we had these date before? Then our “renowned” photographer, in his 70s romper and fake accent, starts talking about his “vision” and how the girls have to go along with it. Sure, he’s just picking these girls and pairing them with dresses off the top of his head, it’s not producer driven at all


We see them in hair and makeup. We have to explain to our friend Alexis that a Shotgun bride doesn’t mean she’s gonna be a bride with a Shotgun. No she has the fake baby bump on underneath her dress and nothing says classy like the alcohol she’s drinking while wearing that dress. There are more mimosas being served, lots of brushes and colors and I swear to you, I see this image:

We have Corrine in a white bikini because that must be a trend coming up that I didn’t know was coming up! She tells us she’s the hottest girl here and all the girls should be jealous of her. That is until Brittany, the travel nurse has an outfit on that makes sure I’ll remember who she is now. She’s in the first wedding outfit that was ever worn, she’s wearing the Eve leaf bikini bottom and no top. Luckily her hair is long and is covering the goods, but I wonder how in the world the interns are going to keep the wind from picking up at all and giving us a wardrobe malfunction. Maybe our black modesty box will make an appearance, because that just spells disaster.

Alright, the girls are primped and ready to meet their bride. The wedding march is all of them walking down this long path. Our 80s bride is really rocking it. We’ve got the Vegas wedding, with Sarah our school teacher getting a little sleazier then I thought she would.

Biker wedding is Hailey, Nick is the one who grabbed her hand and put it on his butt.

Shotgun wedding probably has the best photos as they have Nick dressed as a hillbilly attempting to deliver Alexis’ baby as she is cussing him out.

We have 4 girls in the 80’s wedding and bridesmaid. Vanessa is the bride and the other girls are bridesmaids, including Jasmine who goes for it and kisses him.

Our traditional wedding is Danielle L, our Boobs McGee who even though we have the deep v, looks as tasteful as she has all the season. She looks great and you can see Nick is attracted to her, they start kissing and this poor bridesmaid is standing to the side, I think it’s Lacey and she gets a kiss as well.

Taylor is the Princess wedding and she knows how to model. She looks great and the photographer makes her tell him things, she says she’s starting to like him a lot and then they kiss.

Corrine starts complaining about how the girls are trying to take her Sparkle…Sorry Corrine we’ve already had someone claim that her sparkle is taken during Sean’s season. Tierra has already trademarked that phrase on the Bachelor, you gotta find another phrase!

There are our 2 modesty black boxes, and Nick comes out in his leaf bikini bottom. Corrine thinks she should be the topless girl because she has way more sex appeal then anyone else. Corrine’s theme is that of a beach wedding, so obviously they should get in a pool. She takes off Nick’s shirt, and then takes her top off, also should point out that they are the closest anyone has been when doing these photos to the other girls. She takes her top off, Nick is surprised and blushing, the black modesty box makes another appearance. I don’t think this is the first time Corrine has taken photos like this, she tells Nick they’re gonna do a Janet Jackson pose. To give Nick credit he looks very uncomfortable, probably because Corrine is flashing all the other girls and when the photos are being taken he’s facing all the other girls, who are NOT impressed.

Shocking, the sleazy photographer chooses Corrine as the winner. The girls are all PISSED. This for sure has to be the earliest that we’ve had the villain even more clearly marked. Normally we get a minor villain to be replaced by the bigger villain, but I think Corrine is gonna stay awhile, but is gonna be the only villain the whole time.

First after-party of the season. Corrine is the first one to steal him away, making the girls even more angry since they’d driven off together. Corrine tells us that Nick held her boobs, in-case we all finally got that image outta our head during the commercial break, she brings it right back. She is showing us that she’s 24 because she keeps repeating herself and even in talking to him she can’t talk in a normal tone, I’m not gonna be able to tolerate baby talk all season. He tells her that she’s sexy and that’s the best compliment she could’ve ever received, she launches herself at him and now we’re reintroduced to Nick’s tongue and her tongue….come on guys!!!!

Raven actually becomes the voice of reason in this montage of girls making out with Nick….we’ve reached a new point in the Bachelor world guys! She tells Nick (& us) that she’s never been married before, her last boyfriend was 8 months ago and they broke up because she walked in on him with another girl. I’m shocked and kinda in awe of how quickly Nick was able to get to the meat of this conversation, it proves he can be a good guy and can have conversations…and I think just proves that those he’s making out with right away he’s physically attracted to, but he’s gonna have to slow that part down to let the rest catch up. Raven cracks me up because she says that she’s normally attracted to assholes, and she’s not calling Nick one, he admits he’s been called one before, but promises to be honest and up-front with her because that’s what she wants.

Back at the mansion, we have the girls in PJs and a date card! Danielle M gets the first one-on-one date: Their relationship is about to take off!

Dolphin girl was just talking to him, Nick thanked her for owning it and having a good sense of humor and was just asking her about herself, where she’s from, when up came Corrine again with a shot….because that’s what this girl needs is more alcohol, I think she’s been drunk since before they even got there, so shots is certainly a reasonable idea. Nick wants to finish talking to Alexis, but doesn’t speak up.

Nick & Taylor talk about psychology because Nick asks and wants to hear more about it. She’s talking about vulnerability and people skills and Corrine comes up AGAIN! He’s shocked to see her, and seems pissed but again let’s her push Taylor away. And then Taylor decides to go ahead and use Corrine’s game against her. She wants to steal him back, Corrine audibly gasps when she says Taylor, which makes me giggle. Nick basically yells YES! Then almost grabs Taylor by the waist and pulls her back down on the couch next to him. He sighs in relief and she calls him out on it. Corrine thinks it’s VERY rude that Taylor interuppted him and dear Lord Corrine is referring to herself in the 3rd person again


Corrine decides she’s the expert at the Bachelor and tells everyone how this process works like she’s the only one who’s seen the show before, or like she’s the one who’s been on the show 4 times. I don’t think any of the girls appreciate her being the “leader” of the group like she thinks she is.

Alright first date rose goes to Corrine and who’d have ever thought that the girl who takes her top off in-front of everyone is the one to get the rose. All the girls are dead silent, so way to go Nick, you pissed off all of the girls except Corrine. And then Corrine tells us that her dad would be very proud of her for getting the rose, except for the whole taking her top off, but you know, small detail.


And since it’s dead silent, Corrine needs to fill the silence and she does so by playing a victim and apologize for getting the rose. Why aren’t they throwing her a party?!! All she did was be herself and put herself OUT there, oh honey, we know you did, our black modesty box is the only proof we need! She signs off with Gossip Girl’s tagline “xoxo Gossip girl.”

And then the girls point out that he may not be serious in looking for a husband and if this is how he’s handled it the past 3 times, no wonder he’s here for the 4th time. Corrine is having girl talk with Lacey and shocking there is wine in their glasses and Corrine is shocked that Nick actually listens when she talks, no guys do that…well not if you’re taking your top off first and not saying anything worth listening to.

Now to less Drama! Danielle M. is getting the first one-on-one date. They are in the first helicopter of the season and they’re landing on a yacht! Danielle M is a 31 year old Neonatal nurse. She’s evidently from his hometown which is cool! She’s a Midwest normal girl!

Liz decides to confide in Christen (the girl I liked that wore an ugly yellow dress). They’re by the pool. She asks if Christen knows Jade from Jade/Tanner, of course Christen knows. Liz tells her that she was Jade’s maid of honor, they’ve been BFF forever. Christen is shocked. Liz tells her that they met at the wedding and hooked up. Christen then tells us in her interview how sweet she is, because she’s not gonna go into details other than saying she laid it all out there, but doesn’t wanna say more on the family friendly Monday night show, honey if you only knew how much our black modesty box was used in the first hour! Poor Christen keeps getting this conversation, we see at least 3 times that Liz has cornered her to vent.

Back to Danielle M & Nick.Danielle may be the only person in the world who doesn’t know anything about him. She admits to watching BIP, but doesn’t know about his Bachelorette past. He lays it all out there and doesn’t back down from it. He talks about how when you love someone you’re going to be vulnerable and be open to hurt. Danielle was engaged about 5.5 years ago, he overdosed on drugs and poor Danielle found him. Now I’m emotional, Nick grabs her hand and is perfect in this situation. She had no idea he was an addict, so she was shocked. She tells him that anytime since then that she’s told guys about her past the relationships end soon after. Nick again impresses me with this, because he tells her that not only is he not thinking less of her, but he appreciates her being honest and tells her it’s okay to remember the happy times of the past relationship because they obviously loved one another. There is a CONNECTION between these two! He gives her a rose, and only then does he kiss her. He waits until that moment, and I’m so thankful. They go on a Ferris wheel and make out. This is the date that will make me feel better about this whole episode!


Alright, the nice portion of the episode is over! Back to the other group date card:

  1. Christen—yellow dress girl, Liz’s confidant
  2. Josephine—mean girl wannabe, I think
  3. Astrid—girl with lots of accents, let’s figure out who she really is
  4. Jaimi—the girl who out of the limo said she has “balls” and pulled out her nose ring
  5. Kristina—another girl with accents
  6. Liz—Jade/Tanner wedding, wants fame not Nick

“We need to talk”

We’re in Hollywood and being told we need to keep an open mind and we’ll have fun. We’re going to the museum of broken relationships. Nebraska gets a shout-out in the episode with a cheerleader outfit in the museum. Nick’s immortalized in there with a dried rose and Kaitlin’s engagement ring he bought her, (because the one for Andi would just piss him off way too much, even now). Now we come in on 2 people arguing and crying and I think most of the girls have to realize it’s fake because there is NO ONE else in the museum but them right now! Now we find out that all the girls are going to be able to partake in this, they all are going to breakup with him in-front of crowds!

Christen talks about how she’s observing Liz & Nick. Nick is avoiding eye contact and seems nervous around her. I will notice that when he doesn’t think about it, I do think he’s going towards her because obviously he’s attracted to her, but once he realizes it then he puts his guard up.

Nick is a good sport about the breakups. He is showing off his sense of humor and has his banter there. Josephine goes in and pretends to hit him and evidently he was hit, I thought it was a theatre hit! He’s shocked as was I. And Liz decides to take this moment to be honest with him in-front of not only the other 5 girls, but I’d say about 75 people watching this! REALLY!?!? You are not proving to me that you aren’t just in this for attention lady! She airs all of their dirty laundry and he’s very very nervous about it. Christen has no poker face at all and I’m enjoying it! These people have to be shocked and so confused what has to be happening. The girls are….Nick is and doesn’t say a single word.

We’re going to the after date party at a nightclub just for them! Nick said he’s living his nightmare because Liz just aired all their dirty laundry. Nick grabs Astrid instead of Liz, he should’ve grabbed Liz first and asked her what she told and just get to know her.

Kristina is from Russia I find out. The rest of the conversations we don’t really get to hear much about. That is until Jaimi starts talking and her must interesting relationship is that she dated a girl. Then she jokes that she won’t go after the girl Nick wants, but he jokes back he doesn’t know what we wants!

He tells Christen he enjoyed her skit, especially since it was so light-hearted and was nice to do that! She agreed that it was tense. She said she saw it on his face and then Nick is kinda skirting around the issue with her and then finally asks her what she knows and she said Liz told her about their past. He is really uncomfortable about this and now she’s wondering is she put her foot in her mouth.

I feel bad that Christen doesn’t get to talk to Nick at all about her, their time is just spent talking about what she knows about Liz & Nick.

Nick grabs Liz and wants to figure out is she there for him, or is she using the fact that they slept together to get on tv, and Nick you just answered your own question! Can we talk about Liz outfit?!? Is it a romper? Is it a dress? Is it a skirt?

Nick’s trying to save face by saying it was a pleasant surprise to see her the first night. Then calls her out by saying why didn’t she reach out to their mutual friends instead of coming on tv. She tries to spin it by saying she didn’t know him, which doesn’t make you appear any better, since we all know you slept with him. She also tries to say that she didn’t reach out because he was busy with Paradise and stuff…he admits he was at Paradise for a month….so her next tactic is that she doesn’t like phone conversations. Honey, you live in Vegas, there’s no way Nick would NOT wanna go to Vegas!

Nick admits that the more they talk, the less she makes sense. The girls notice that Nick & Liz have been gone a long time. They’re very lucky that Corrine is not on this date! Christen refuses to get into the details which is very smart! Nick breaks it off with Liz, he has closure, and has since she didn’t want his number, there is no future, the producers have all the info they need from him, but they are DONE! And actually I’m glad he did it, though I did put in my Bachelor bracket she would go far, I’m impressed he saw her for wanting her 15 minutes of fame.

Nick now has to go and tell the women all about his past with Liz and he’s afraid the girls are going to think he’s been lying and girls are gonna bolt. He tells them that he just sent Liz home and the girls are shocked! He decides to be up-front and tell them everything. He’s very blunt and the girls are shocked and we get the DAMN “TO BE CONTINUED”tumblr_msg3j1eppw1rgx15xo1_400

There are LOTS of tears in the promo with no dates on the horizon other than the girls hanging around the pool, there’s gonna be LOTS of drama!!!!

But we get to end on a happy note with our Dolphin/Shark girl bringing over 2 cupcakes to Nick as the credits roll. It’s from the group date and their alone time. They’re celebrating her Boobs birthday, as she got them done a year ago. He jokes that they all win. They sing Happy Birthday and change it to happy boobday, she shimmies and they laugh pretty hard and I needed that to get me through the week!

That was an INTENSE second week! Until next week friends!


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