EVERYBODY—Nick (& his crazy girls) are Back!

Alright folks, we’ve survived Icemaggedon and what better way to unwind from the excitement of the ice storm then to jump into the drama of the Bachelor!

We’re reminded of Liz and the hook up from Jade & Tanner’s wedding and how at the end of the last episode, Nick had Liz leave. And instead of us jumping right back to where we left off last night like we have in previous seasons when they’ve left us with a “To be continued” we’re at the Bachelor mansion the morning after, and we’re letting the gossiping girls give us the run down of what happened. The girls are all in small cliques talking about what went down. I hope Jade & Tanner are getting money for every time their wedding is mentioned.

I’m so confused, because we go from the gossiping to Nick showing up for the cocktail party. Nick decides to start the cocktail party off by telling the girls what happened. He is not remorseful and is grinning as he talks about his one night stand in-front of all of these women. Hello girls, this is a big red flag for you, please say there are intelligent women in here who see him as a guy who likes to hook up and isn’t ready for marriage yet! He ends his speech by telling the girls he’s an open book and he’ll answer any questions.

We have girls that are very emotional and having a hard time understanding where he’s at. There are quite a few tears….he’s basically telling these girls that yep he slept with Liz but didn’t feel a connection with her anymore….buddy, buddy, buddy I hope that at some point you brought up you didn’t know if she cared about you as a person or just wanted tv time, because if not, you sound like a complete jerk who’s saying you got what you wanted and now you don’t want her around anymore, in which case I can’t blame any of these girls for not wanting to be around and they should all be running for the hills.

Danielle (Boobs McGee) lets Nick off the hook and he told her that he was concerned with how she would handle the Liz news. I also have issues because Nick doesn’t know how prepositions work, and Danielle doesn’t know how to help this situation.

Oh good, Corrine is in the bathroom talking about how she’s glad Liz went home so she can now win the competition for girl to have sex with Nick first of girls who are still left in the house. I’m so confused because she has a trench coat on, but I thought we were getting ready for a rose ceremony, but she says she’s going to “sex it up” and drops the trench coat in the mirror and there’s our friend the black modesty box.

Man, she goes out to see Nick and he asks her if she’s wearing a coat or a dress. She admits it’s a coat and then there’s a can of whipped cream and now I’m angry at how trashy this show has become. You all know what happens, when you have a sketchy bachelor and a real skanky girl and this just ticks me off! It’s not even 8 o’clock and this is network television, not Cable, this show is completely off the rails. With all the ridiculous things they’ve done over the years, we’ve never gone this fast this quickly. It’s episode 3! I know Ben Higgins is no saint, but this wouldn’t have flied during his season and that makes me miss him even more!

Nick pretends he’s being a gentleman and is attempting to cover up Corrine, after he’s already licked and eaten whipped cream. Corrine is winking and not realizing this is a big deal. The other girls are around and there are tears as they realize how gross this situation is and how this doesn’t make them look great. Jasmine comes in and steals Nick, and Corrine goes and cries and forgets that there are things called CAMERAS on tv shows so when she says nothing happens, we know that’s a lie. We also need to get Corrine some water proof mascara, shouldn’t her nanny have told her about that?

Finally time for a rose ceremony!!! Can we talk about how the scandalous dresses? Where are my classy/timeless ladies at? I got the girl who made the joke about not wearing underwear the first night, talking about how she’s not confident she’s getting a rose tonight and since she knows Nick loves sex, she is wearing a dress cut to her naval and showing off her black lace bra, I’m getting real pissed at you ABC….step up your game here folks!

Oh and as the rose ceremony begins, Corrine decides she doesn’t need to be here since she already has a rose. She decides she can take a nap instead and that’s just plain ridiculous. Nick has the first rose in her hand to start handing them out and he asks where Corrine is and all the girls are talking about how she’s upstairs sleeping.

Corrine, Danielle M and Christen all got roses on the dates.

Alright, finally rose ceremony time!

  1. Astrid—speaks 3 languages, don’t really know about her
  2. Taylor- was bullied for being biracial
  3. Brittany—I actually don’t think that’s her name, but I have no clue what it is and who she is, and I rewound my DVR a couple times.
  4. Kristina—Russian girl
  5. Danielle—Boobs McGee
  6. Rachel—Lawyer who got first impression rose
  7. Vanessa–special ed teacher who wore a patterned dress the first night
  8. Raven—our SOUTHERN girl, who I am starting to like more and more
  9. Jaimi—girl has “balls” in her nose and had a girlfriend
  10. Dominque—no freakin clue
  11. Sarah—“runner-up” joke the first night
  12. Alexis—shark/dolphin girl who celebrated her boobs birthday last week and on her way to get her rose, said “Move bitches” can we all say THANK GOD for Alexis?!?!?!
  13. Brittany
  14. Josephine—the girl I think is going to be the mean girl

Final rose time:

15. Jasmine—NBA former dancer

Girls going home are Lacey—camel girl, Hailey, girl who showed off her bra and didn’t wear underwear and Danielle M, girl who wore wedding dress.

Nick, I feel like it’s important for me to point out what I know about your girls are all based either on the first night or based on what the ABC page told me about them, I’d say you’re not building meaningful relationships if i know nothing about these girls. You may just be in this for one thing, ahem!

Alright date card time: “Everybody”

  1. Danielle L- Boobs McGee
  2. Christen—yellow dress, Liz’s confidant who can’t keep a secret
  3. Kristina
  4. Whitney
  5. Taylor
  6. Jasmine
  7. Corrine

They’re all confused, until someone remembers what one of the producers had whispered in her ear and she goes with “Backstreet boys” the girls say she’s crazy, until all of a sudden someone blares the Backstreet Boys song “Everybody” and makes the girls jump, then the guys walk in and the girls do this:

Anyone who is under the age of 26 should not be reacting like this. I am 30 years old and was in my pre-teen/teenage prime when the Boy Bands were huge. My little sister was a fan because of how obsessed I was, she didn’t have a choice, however anyone younger than her (especially without an older sibling) would not know who BSB is unless you know them as the sad group that’s trying to make it big again and will never have the popularity they did in the late 90s/early 00s.

Jasmine G is allowed to be obsessed with them, I was an N’Sync girl but can’t lie I did love this song and video when it came out.

The girls walk into the studio and see Nick and BSB rehearsing for their live show. The girls need to bring their “A” game. Don’t worry, the choreography for their dance shows are the exact same as they were when they first came out. You can tell what girls were huge fans of BSB because they know what the routine should be, you can also tell that Danielle & Jasmine are good dancers. Corrine is having another breakdown because she has to share attention and Daddy said she’d never have to do that. She’d always be the center of attention so she needs to go to a bathroom and cry. She’s worried about embarrassing herself in-front of 500 people, honey again reminder, you’re on a TELEVISION show, whatever your dancing is like, it’s not even remotely the most embarrassing thing you’ve done on the show even in the last hour.

Alright, it’s time for the concert finally! Of course they’re going to start it off with “Everybody.” Funny story for those of you who may not remember this when this song first came out, it was off the debut BSB album, so everyone was confused where BSB had been if they’re back? Little did we know, that 20 years later it would ALL make sense! Here’s the music video from the song so you can see the original choreography as well as BSBs attempt of a Thriller video:

Okay, so BSB comes out on stage first, and then out comes our resident Bachelor showing that the 5 guys from BSB can dance way better than whatever Nick is attempting to do. Then out come the girls. Basically they put Danielle and Jasmine in-front and the rest of the girls hide in the back. I like Danielle more, because her boobs are finally covered! BSB has to choose who wins so they can serenade her and Nick. Danielle wins and they do the junior high slow dance that I did to this song, she tells him that she’s gonna sing, and then he kisses her and Corrine is pissed that they would kiss in-front of all the girls!

Alright after-party time. Corrine steals him first. She apologizes for sleeping, he doesn’t say anything, they make out and there is no real conversation. After she’s done talking to him, she finds another place to sleep, does she have a problem?

Wow, Danielle is covered up again! She’s the first one that Nick takes off to talk to. But as we know talking with Nick, means he says that BSB thinks they have a great connection, and then makes out with her, dances with her in the dark, and decides to grope her butt as he makes out with her again.

Alright date card time: Vanessa is gettin the 1 on 1 one date “You make me feel like I’m floating”

Corrine comes back to the group, talks about her nap, casual conversation of boob jobs come out and then they talk about kids. Corrine says the first HONEST thing all season when she says that she can’t handle herself let alone kids. Then says she needs to get Raquel ready for that. Someone very innocently asks who Raquel is, and without being embarrassed at all she answers her Nanny.

The girls are trying to figure out if she has kids and that’s why she needs a nanny. She then talks about all the food they make her, she does her laundry, makes her bed and it makes Raquel happy and who is she to take away someone’s happiness? The girls realize that she’s insane. Nick hands the rose to Danielle.

 

Okay, we’re here for the one-on-one date and Nick is walking on the runway with his aviators pretending he’s in Top Gun, and honey, I hate to break it to you, but you ain’t no Maverick or Goose!

Vanessa must be terrified of heights because she’s afraid when she comes and sees him and is worried they’re gonna sky dive. They’re going in a Zero Gravity plane like they’re in space. They sign the waivers that sign away their lives basically. They fly up in the plane and it looks very interesting. It looks painful and then they get lifted in the air an i wonder if they’re gonna get a concussion or if the walls are padded. They’re floating, having a great time, they start making out because it’s Nick. Then as they are going back up she’s feeling nauseous and I don’t blame her at all because I would’ve been throwing up long before she does. She gets the air sickness bag, and as she’s using it he’s making eye contact with her, HELL NO! He does do a good job of comforting her which makes me like him just a little bit. She’s mortified but they each get a piece of gum so they can make out some more.

Alright group date card: “I’m done playing the field”

  1. Rachel
  2. Alexis
  3. Astrid
  4. Jaimi
  5. Sarah
  6. Britany
  7. Dominque

Night portion of Nick & Vanessa’s date has them on the tallest building in LA where they can look out at the skyline and have dinner, I would not be a fan of this whatsoever. She said she’s looking forward to getting to know him better. She said the thing that stuck out to her was his connection with his mom. She talked about her grandfather passing 3 weeks before she came here and so she doubted coming. When they said their goodbyes they each got a red rose and she felt like that meant grandpa was on her journey. He admits he’s been wrong about his feelings before and he’s scared it could happen again and he could end up heartbroken. I feel like this may be the most genuine he’s been and open he’s been with anyone this season…and as I say that he starts to cry, but she made him open up and actually talk about him which hasn’t quite happened yet and when she kisses him it’s to reassure him and isn’t just a physical thing…I like Vanessa!

Alright group date time! We’ve got the girls in their sports bras, you can tell who’s athletic based on their choice of tank top and running pants and shoes, or lack thereof. Some of them have no clue what’s going on. We’re on a track which is what Nick has done his whole life. Carl Lewis, Allyson Felix and Michelle Carter, we’ve got 3 Olympic Athletes that are hanging out with our ladies.

We’ve got the long jump into the limo. Long jump into Nick’s arms. Javlan throw. Our top 3 are Rachel, Alexis and Astrid. These 3 are going to compete for 1st place so they can get a Jacuzzi. They’re doing the dash and going straight to the hot tub. Rachel gets the ring first put knocks it over, Astrid who was in last place in the race is the one who gets into the hot tub. Dominque is pissed about how her first date went and doesn’t feel like she’s getting any attention and is being overlooked.

After party time! Nick takes Astrid first so they can continue where they left off in the hot tub making out. Rachel grabs Dominque and takes her to the bathroom so they can talk it out and she can cry. Rachel tells her to get out of her head and just talk to Nick and be you. This makes me like Rachel even more because she doesn’t have to do that, she could’ve sabotaged her but didn’t. Of course the producers choose the moment that Rachel and Nick are talking and having a good conversation about her havin cabin fever but being glad to be out of the house and spend time with him doing anything, and her complimenting her for how well she’s handling things and how mature she is, and he grabs her to make out with her, and Dominque walks by to see that.

Dominque goes in to her one-on-one time with him guns a blazing! She says she respects the fact that he’s honest, (she said it a little more colorfully then that) and she’s gonna be honest with him. She doesn’t think he’s given her fair chance…he’s stalling trying to remember who and the hell she is and attempts to play it safe by asking “today?” She wants to know why he hasn’t reassured her and told her to get out of her head. He said he tried, she tells him that he didn’t get that. I think this backfires with her, because he ends up having her go home right now because he doesn’t think there’s a connection. Reject SUV comes and she gets in and cries.

Nick gives the date rose to Rachel! He does validate her since she didn’t get to go on a date last week, she knows he’s still into her.

We have the morning after the group date, girls are in pajamas and not ready for the day. No cocktail party tonight, we’re doing the annual pool party instead! We have 1 hour to get ready for it. As Dolphin girl tells us we’ve got 17 girls and 1 Nick. We’ve got the girls putting sun screen on quite a bit of skin. Corrine tells us that these girls are desperate and it’s sad…as she is caking on her makeup. We have a bouncy house and what better time to get in a bouncy castle then when you’re in a bikini? Obviously Corrine is not using her inside voice and is screaming his name as he’s bouncing in the house to get the attention of the other girls. The girls are able to see what’s going on from driveways and balconies. The girls are not happy at all to see what is going on in this bouncy house. Our girl Raven decides she needs to tell Nick that Corrine is not here for the right reasons…she tells him that Corrine is 24 and has a nanny, which then Nick asks for her? And what does she do, and God Bless Raven, for givin us this tidbit, Corrine doesn’t know how to wash a spoon?!?!

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Jasmine, Taylor and Vanessa are making him defend his actions with Corrine and realize that he can’t have his cake and eat it too. Vanessa cries to the camera and that she doesn’t know if she wants to be here. She calls him out and tells him that she saw him ride Corrine and she wants to know why would she do that? She’s not judging Corrine, but judging Nick and question if he’s looking for a wife or someone to **** with. This makes me like Vanessa even more!!!!

We end on that conversation and then the previews show us that a fight is going to go down between Taylor and Corrine next week, so we’ll see what happens there. I realized I liked the second hour so much better than the first and then put 2 and 2 together an realized that Corrine wasn’t really in the 2nd hour, that girl needs to go home now! She’s driving me crazy!!!

Alright, another week with no rose ceremony to end the episode, so to get you through next week, I want you to watch this video as it is my favorite Boy Band video and you can see that N’Sync was obviously the better of the boy bands, strictly because they had JC Chasez and Justin Timberlake πŸ™‚

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