Nick & His Girls are Heading to Wisconsin!

Welcome back friends!

We’re back, but Backstreet is not…we’re going right back to where we were and Vanessa drops the best line of the franchise “I’m not judging Corrine, I’m judging you.” I’m a mature girl who’s not gonna be a mean girl but am wondering “are you here for a wife or are you just looking for friends with benefits?” She’s looking for a straight answer and says she’ll get rid of the rose, Nick skirts the issue by saying that he’s been thru this before and she needs to be patient with him and Corrine and that he’ll answer any direct question, though he didn’t answer Vanessa’s question so he’s a liar.

Harrison comes back and we’re gonna get ready for the rose ceremony, but Corrine is getting her beauty sleep. We have Sarah & Taylor trying to give Corrine a heads up that the girls are PISSED and that it may come across as entitled. Corrine comes out with the first BAHAAA moment when she says she is not privileged in any shape or form

….you’ve got a NANNY!!!! Pretty sure that’s the definition of privileged, having a nanny at 24! She then gives herself a pep talk in the 3rd person by saying “you do you” and the always popular “you go girl”

Rose ceremony time everyone! Wardrobe theme is sleeves prohibited, we’re seeing LOTS of shoulders and dresses cut to their navels.

  1. Danielle L—Boobs McGee who got the rose on the BSB date
  2. Vanessa—went on one-on-one and got the rose
  3. Rachel—lawywer who i love, who got rose on 2nd group date
  4. Raven—I like this country girl who tells it like it is way more than others
  5. Taylor—this is the girl who was bullied for being biracial
  6. Whitney—no clue
  7. Kristina–Russian girl I think
  8. Jasmine–former dancer who enjoys drama
  9. Alexis—Dolphin/shark girl, I need my funny bone and comedic relief so thanks for keeping her
  10. Astrid—her “girls” got her that rose after the track events they participated in last week and her lack of support
  11. Danielle M—neonatal nurse who I’m a fan of
  12. Jaimi—I didn’t recognize her with straight hair, but she has the balls in her nose so I could identify her
  13. Josephine—the girl who i swear is gonna be a mean girl, but doesn’t stand a chance because we have Corrine
  14. Sarah—the runner-up joke
  15. Corrine—of course she gets the final rose and there are audible gasps and people are shocked—really girls, I know you’ve studied this show, so why are you surprised by this at all?!?!

Christen is going home, she was Liz’s best friend who heard all about Jade & Tanner’s wedding. I liked her and she should hold her head high, she’s too good for Nick. My other girl who’s going home is crying and she’s cute and I can’t remember who she is for the life of me and I’m not happy ABC didn’t put her name underneath.

Corrine is acting crazy like Olivia was last season, where the producer has evidently gotten close to Corrine and she thinks she can trust her or just wants to be on tv regardless of how she will actually be portrayed. Our friend Olivia can tell you how that goes over:

Damn, our 3rd Chris Harrison appearance of the episode and he comes by to tell us that we’re heading to his hometown, we’re heading to Milwaukee:

We are going to have coffee with his parents and they’re thrilled that he’s coming home with 15 women, I mean he’s already gotten rid of half of the women. They think he must’ve found someone. Shockingly he doesn’t tell mom about his one night stand who he sent home last week. Mom is crying the whole time they’re together and is worried he’s going to be a single bachelor forever. Dad talks about how he and mom are really hoping to not see him on the show again, with a “you know what we mean”, and yes dad we know what you actually mean is that you’re very embarrassed that your son has drug your family name through these shows for 4 times now and everyone in America knows about his extracurricular activities.

Alright done with the sappiness, let’s go have Nick meet the girls and talk about how awesome Waukesha is. He wants the girls to fall in love with it, though he lives in Chicago. Much like how Ben last season had to go to Indiana and not Denver. First date is for Danielle L, Boobs McGee who is shockingly covered in something modest! As they walk away from the girls Dani, as I will now call her because I don’t wanna type our her whole name, keeps nervously giggling. Come back from commercial and she is still nervously laughing. Shockingly when Nick points out locations of the town he points out that he made out with girls at the library. They go into a bakery and i’m pretty sure the girl behind the counter had to go to high school with him or something, she “welcomes” him back, but it is not genuine at all, he prolly was annoying as hell back then too so no wonder she’s not happy. They eat their cookies and walk away, Dani is still giggling. She’s giggling so much that as they’re walking past a window she doesn’t notice the girl that is awkwardly staring at them waiting for them to walk by and lo and behold it’s one of Nick’s exes. She gets an award for pretending to be surprised to see Nick walk by. What a coincidence!

Nick walks in and grabs Amber and of course they should just hang out and talk. Dani keeps giggling as Amber is around. They dated for only 3/4 months and as any ex you just so happen to run into, you’d grab coffee, say everything is fine, not really talk to your ex and look at his date and ask if she has any questions…and believe it or not Dani doesn’t have to pause or anything to come up with the softball question of why is Nick still single? And shockingly the ex has a generic happy answer back about how he hasn’t found the right one yet, but he will. Now more giggling and Dani is so excited about how he’s on good terms with his ex-girlfriend, let’s bring out Andi and see how good of terms that is.

Now we’re in a park, still giggling and believe it or not Nick is making things sexual. We’re sitting on a hill and he says LOTS of firsts here at this park, with girls, even THE FIRST (wink wink). Could he at least pretend to be suave and smooth about this?!? And why is Dani eating this up with a spoon, I’m too damn sarcastic because there would be smart-alec comments coming out of mouth like crazy during this.

Dani talks about how she was 17 and a prude, who could imagine. Nick pulls Dani to her to kiss her and i think he thinks he’s being smooth with that move, but he’s really not.

Alright nigh portion of the date, let’s see if we can learn anything about Dani other than she was a virgin until 17 and made the poor guy cut off his beard. Oh hey, Boobs McGee is back, of course she is….this outfit is about as modest as this number that JLo wore at the Grammy’s all those years ago:

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Please do not breathe too much Dani…I don’t think we’re going to know anything about Dani other than she giggles and is not afraid to show off her body. We find out that her parents divorced when she was 17 so they’ve been divorced for 10 years. Her parents were very affectionate and sounds like her dad must’ve gone through a mid-life crisis because he decided to divorce her mom. I like Dani when she talks, I just need her to stay covered up and need her to not giggle ALL the time. Dani “Boobs McGee” gets the date rose. And they get the concert date where they awkwardly get to sway like junior high kids in-front of a crowd for the second week in a row, this time they’re swaying to Chris Lane.

Alright, we have a group date card: “Say Cheese”

  1. Rachel
  2. Alexis
  3. Vanessa
  4. Jasmine
  5. Jaimi
  6. Sarah
  7. Whitney
  8. Kristina
  9. Astrid
  10. Taylor
  11. Josephine
  12. Danielle M
  13. Corrine

That means our country girl Raven is going on the one-on-one and she talks about how it’s a double victory because she gets the date and Corrine doesn’t 🙂

The group date girls are walking up to a farm and these girls are not dressed for being outside or getting dirty. Nick is feeding some baby cows and some of the girls love it, others not so much. We’re going to get outta all of our elements at a dairy farm and he wants to see if the girls will do this or not. We’ve got to do some chores!

Corrine has never even had to do chores before let alone whatever the hell farm chores are. She wouldn’t even have Raquel stoop to the level of farm chores, that’s beneath even Raquel and Raquel has the best job ever, she gets to be Corrine’s nanny.

Now we’re milking a cow. Nick can’t do it at all, there are jokes and innuendos because Jaimi is the first one to be able to get it going and milk a cow and we know she had a girlfriend before.

Now we’re going to shovel poop. Corrine is not going to at all, she’s sitting to the side and crying and the other girls are understandably pissed, they didn’t wanna do it, but they did and Corrine didn’t do anything and isn’t getting punished for it. Our runner-up, teacher Sarah, has the best line when she she says “I don’t know if it’s the cow shit, or the bull shit but I know I smell shit.” That made me giggle.

Corrine talks about she was terrified of the farm and that she was going to die on it. Her hand started to cramp up and she thought for sure it was going to fall off. You have to have a lot of courage to scoop poopy (the use of the word poopy was killing me). Not only do you have to have courage but also a “Blind sense of smell.” She ends by talking about how she wishes she could’ve joined them, but she had a serious hand situation.

Shockingly Corrine isn’t the first one to steal Nick and I believe Kristina is talking to Nick first and talks about how she wants to open up about her past but wants to make sure they don’t get interrupted. I want to know what her story is, but he tells her to wait, so instead they make out.

The girls are pissed about talking in a group about Corrine, hey producers they’re showing you they don’t want to talk about it, but they can’t help it. She is placed right outside so she can hear them talk about how she’s immature and then in her interview with us she has to prove she’s mature by doing the most immature thing ever and grabbing her boobs for some unknown reason.

Then she insults all of us from Nebraska when she compares herself to a Corn husk. Luckily, not a Cornhusker, but we don’t want you to be comparing yourself to anything similar to us, trust me you wouldn’t last here sweetie, no Raquels for most of us. We have a work ethic here in the Midwest, not a fake multi-million dollar company Daddy let’s us pretend we run.

Vanessa gives Nick a present, of a book from her coworkers and students who put together pictures and letters. I like her more and more that I see her, but that means I want her to win less and less because she’s too good for him.

Corrine tries to air the dirty laundry in-front of everyone and wants people to be honest. Sarah asks her a question and wants to know if she’s ready to marry a 36 year old man and she’s been trying to pep talk Corrine into it, but she doesn’t see how she’s mature enough. The famous words of “I didn’t mean to offend anyone and sorry for taking a nap during a rose ceremony” She then tries to compare herself to Michael Jordan and Abe Lincoln who took naps.

We need to give Corrine another word besides “literally” and Corrine shows she can’t handle any sort of feedback whatsoever, which just proves yet again she’s not running a multi-million dollar company because that’s a necessity in the business world.

She then lies to us on camera and tells us that the talk all went great and she loves everyone here but don’t double cross her. Remember how she was the one who wanted this conversation to happen? She now decides to start crying.

Wow, Kristina drops some truth bombs here by just asking Corrine one on one how she’s gonna be able to handle this whole process when it gets out to American and is edited if she’s having a hard time handling it when it’s just the 14 other girls. Kristina is just looking out for Nick’s best interests and Corrine swears she is too. Corrine pretends she has a medical issue and it was super serious and Kristina points out the difference between the two of them is that Kristina will go towards confrontation, whereas Corrine runs away when things get difficult. Dang Russian Kristina, I hope I remember you next week, because you’re on fire right now! The best analogy I can come up with for Corrine is she’s the kid who wants to play with you, but then when she realizes she’s going to lose, she’s gonna take her ball and go home and no one gets to play. Corrine is pissed because Kristina personally attacked her

Now Nick & Corrine get to talk and she tells Nick that everyone is ganging up on her. She talks about how she told all the girls to talk to her if they have an issue, she just leaves out the tiny detail of if a girl does bring something up to her she’ll shut them down before they can say anything. She then lies some more by telling Nick she feels so much better and they’re all in a great place.

Nick gives the date rose to Kristina! She is shocked to get the rose, but I’m thrilled she gets it and hope we get to hear her back story more!

Raven’s date card says “Let’s kick it.” She is so excited to have a one-on-one here and I think she is completely genuine and this is a perfect date for her. She is excited to see his roots. Nick takes Raven to his little sister’s soccer game. Bella goes in for a big hug with Nick and Raven, she’s the youngest of the 11 siblings. Raven and Nick help the girls warm up and practice and Raven is right at home, she doesn’t complain about doing any of the exercises or playing goalie. Nick’s dad commented about how Raven is a unique name and then Raven asks if they had to spank Nick when he was younger and Nick’s dad talked about how Nick was a suck up when he was younger and didn’t get into trouble until he was older. Also can we point out that the team that Bella is playing against looks like they are 2 grades younger, they probably are in their small town, but it looks unfair.

Raven is going roller-skating with Bella, the team and Nick.  We have girl talk with Raven & Bella at a table and Nick skating by trying to eavesdrop and distract them. I like Raven more tonight because she is TALKING TO Bella. She’s not talking down to her. They’re having an honest conversation and Raven isn’t looking over her shoulder to see if Nick is paying attention, she is talking to Bella because she wants to. Bella admits that she wasn’t allowed to watch Bachelor in Paradise. Nick and Raven are way better roller-skaters then I am….I have no balance or game, I’d be on my butt the whole time. Nick says this is one of the best dates ever. We have Six Pence None the Richer “Kiss me” come on and we get the whole skating montage.

Night portion of the date is the Museum of Art. Raven talks about her favorite part of her day was meeting his family. She thinks that since they both have parents that are still together. Raven is able to bring the conversation along so effortlessly it’s very impressive, probably also compared to the other girls, who are either giggling, or making out with him. We hear the story of how she found her ex cheating on her. He promises he won’t cheat on her and she won’t cheat on him.

Has anyone else noticed how much Nick looks over at the producers? It’s a constant thing, it’s kinda annoying because it’s not like he’s giving us a good Jim Halpert look at the camera, he’s just looking over at them and I’m sure they’re nodding their heads to have him have the girls continue.

Raven and Nick have the best conversation of any of the girls. I feel bad that I doubted Raven and didn’t give her as much credit as I should’ve. She gets the date rose and I’m excited about it, I like her and am glad she’s gonna be on our tv screen for a few more weeks. She did admit to us that she’s starting to fall in love with Nick, too soon, too fast!!!

Okay, we’re dressed up for a rose ceremony and it’s gonna be in a barn. Dani grabs Nick, and we know it’s her because her boobs are on display and she giggles. She said she needs to grab him first and then she’ll give him back to her.

Taylor is PISSED because Dani already has a rose. Taylor comes up to Nick and Dani who are outside by a fire pit and Dani is giving the speech we’ve all heard a thousand times about how she’s considerate of others feelings, but she likes Nick. Dani is the least observant person ever, by the fact that she doesn’t see Taylor coming up, doesn’t feel her standing behind her, doesn’t see Nick sit up, doesn’t see Nick avoiding eye contact, doesn’t notice Nick basically cut her off, not until Taylor interrupts does she notice.

Nick grabs Taylor, and hugs her and makes out with her. And here’s Corrine and Josephine talking, I KNEW she’s be a mean girl, it just had to take until week 4 for it to come out. She needs to stir the pot with Corrine. She tells Corrine that people talk behind her back all the time, but Corrine doesn’t talk behind others backs, unless the producers are around. They are stuffing their faces, Josephine takes on the role of Raquel and tells Corrine to chew her feet.

The best place for a confrontation for Corrine & Taylor is outside on a tiny love-seat outside where they share a blanket. Corrine asks for Taylor to explain what her issue is. When Taylor attempts to explain where she’s coming from, Corrine can’t handle it. Taylor talks about she wonders if Corrine has emotional intelligence, and she just hit that nail on the head. I am actually impressed with how well Taylor is handling this situation with Corrine. Corrine is trying to get Taylor to break down or start screaming at her, and Taylor is doing an awesome job of talking in the same tone of voice throughout the conversation. Corrine tells her she’s a bitch and isn’t being nice and is calling her an idiot, which Taylor never does. Taylor looks at Corrine with such sympathy.

And there’s the dreaded “To be continued.” Well kids, this wasn’t an amazing episode, but in good news I don’t feel like I need to take a shower after it, like I have with all the other episodes this season, so I call that a win! It appears we have the dreaded 2 on 1 date next week with Taylor & Corrine, which you know means poor Taylor is gonna go home 😦

Until next week, try and stay away from the ghosts, aliens and Nicholas Cage that Alexis is worried about!

Lindsay

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