Tears & Drama in St. Thomas with Nick & his Gaggle of Girls

Oh good the shows start off right where the last episode left off, Taylor goes and tells Nick that Corrine is lying. Nick doesn’t believe it. And I just want that whole 5-10 minutes of my life back. I don’t know why they’re trying to make this into a “the person who gets kicked off chooses to come and tell the lead their thoughts.” No, this is a producer telling Taylor to come back, make a fool outta herself, but also give her a great welcoming package for Bachelor in Paradise.

My favorite line of this whole thing, was Nick telling Corrine that he told Taylor he was following his heart, no Nick you’re not following your heart, your following lust!

Oh good, we’re at the random rose ceremony 15 minutes into the rose ceremony where I’ve forgotten who all the girls are from last week, and as we’ve established Nick is not great about making conversation with people so that doesn’t help me know who these girls are. You know what makes it even harder, is when we don’t have a cocktail party and we go straight to the rose ceremony. The girls are all slamming back their drinks, since there’s no cocktail party, you’ve got less time to consume the same amount of alcohol as you would all night.

Those with roses:

  1. Rachel—she got the one-on-one date and am campaigning for her to be our next Bachelorette, she’s way to good to end up with Nick at the end! Btw, Rachel’s desk is AMAZING!
  2. Danielle M—she got the rose on the group date
  3. Corrine—got the rose on the 2 on 1
  4. Kristina—Russian girl
  5. Raven—went roller-skating with him and dropped the “L” bomb last week
  6. Vanessa–went on the zero-force airplane date and got sick
  7. Danielle L—Boobs McGee who’s dress is cut all the way to her naval and looks like it may be on backwards—watch out Janet Jackson!
  8. Jasmine—NBA dancer who i don’t know anything about hers & Nick’s relationship
  9. Whitney—who the hell is this girl?!? I’m not saying that as a a joke, as i know i have before. I just legit have no flipping clue who she is.

Going home: Josephine—Corrine’s BFF, Jaimi—she has balls & an ex-girlfriend and an unfortunate choice of lipstick today and sadly Alexis! Our comic relief- sholphin girl is going home!

We’re going to St. Thomas! And they all greet one another on the beach and the only thing I can think for ALL parties involved, (ahem looking at you Nick!) is this song:


Kristina our Russian gets the first date that starts right now! They take off in a little plane that can land on the water and fly over the island. She’s enjoying the view, Nick is trying to kiss her, but she wants to look at everything and enjoy it, which I appreciate.

Also, Nick’s tank top, Keds, and pastel short shorts are REALLY not doing nothing for me! You know what makes me love Kristina even more, is that when we cut to her and Nick outside of the airplane and they are cheersing to her one-on-one, she’s drinking a beer! He’s also drinking a beer, but she’s now officially my kinda girl!

Kristina tells us that she has 8 siblings. She is one of 9 and one of her sister’s is still in Russia. Kristina is adopted. Her parents had 4 and then adopted 4 and then she has a 27 year old sister back in Russia who is not included in the 4 or 4. She talks to her occasionally but her Russian is rusty so it makes it difficult to communicate with her. Of course Nick focuses on the one phrase he needs to know in every language “give me a kiss.” Then they go swimming.

We have had Corrine out of our site for way too long, so she has to get back on our screen. Corrine’s plan for the day is to drink champagne and stay in bed. Until they bring out the maid, who all of a sudden becomes Corrine and only Corrine’s nanny. I know this is a hoax and something that ABC wants to get us talking about Raquel again and how spoiled Corrine is, but this is just pathetic!

Thank goodness we’re back to Kristina! She’s in a cute white dress. It’s tasteful and very attractive. We’re going to get more of Kristina’s background and in her interview she talks about how she doesn’t like to tell the story because it’s so personal and intimate and right away I don’t think Nick has earned this story, and Lord knows we as Americans haven’t earned it. I don’t know enough about you Kristina, you don’t owe me anything!

She was born in Russia, a very small town. She didn’t have much. She grew up with her mom, her step-sister lived with her dad. She said her mom wasn’t around much anyways even when she was little. She talked about how one time when she was 5, her mom left her at home and told her to not eat anything because she was going to get food but would be gone a day. She was excited to hear that her mom was going to get food, because they didn’t often have food. She remembers the cupboards being bare when she was young and eating lipstick, it didn’t taste good but she had to do what she had to do. When her mom had came back home after being gone a day, she’d asked Kristina if she’d eaten. Kristina admitted that she had, and her mom screamed at her to get out. So she got out and went to an orphanage. She thought of her mom all the time when she was in the orphanage but her mom never came to visit her. Her mom has since passed away. She never saw her after that day. She was in the orphanage for 7-8 years. Once you hit 16 you had to leave the orphanage. She said that you had to either go to a bigger city or find some way to fend for yourself. Prostitution is the route most go to try and make money, but she didn’t want to go down that route. When she found out she was 12 and going to be adopted, a teacher told her that if she lived in Russia her life would be black and white, but if she came to America it would be color. She said that spoke to her, as she had a choice if she wanted to be adopted and come to America, but feels guilty for leavin her sister behind in Russia. She said leaving the orphanage was so difficult because she’d been there for 7-8 years and she knew when she left, she’d never see them again.

If this isn’t how you are after hearing that story, I don’t know if you have a heart. giphy

To see a clip of it and to read her tweet here you go:

Nick puts it into perspective perfectly. Most of us at 5 are sad to leave our parents for kindergarten, Kristina left her mom and found a way to survive and better her life. She was on her own surviving even before that. If that’s not inspirational, i don’t know what is. She is so strong, and I’m so happy that she waited to tell this story until she had a 1 on 1, if she would’ve had to say this at a cocktail party it wouldn’t have been the same and her story wouldn’t have gotten justice. Kristina is someone to admire, and is way too good to be on this show and is now another girl I’m going to angle for being the Bachelorette if we don’t get Rachel! If Kristina can be so optimistic and positive, why can’t I?

And from some good news to some not so great news, we the girls and a group date card:

  1. Rachel
  2. Raven
  3. Vanessa
  4. Corrine
  5. Danielle M
  6. Jasmine

Which means we get 2 weeks in a row of 2-on-1 dates. We get Whitney, the girl we don’t know and Danielle L (Boobs McGee).

We get the girls to wear skimpy bikinis and then they play BBQ games basically. They play volleyball and at first they’re having fun, but instead the more it goes on, the less fun it’s getting for the girls. Corrine is drunk off her ass and still taking shots and may be narcoleptic as she wants to go lie down and sleep more. There are now lots of tears and the girls are done. They’re all spread out, with towels around, looking in the distance, except for Corrine who’s bellied up to the bar. The girls aren’t getting attention from Nick and they’re disappointed. Nick needs to do damage control.

We have the night portion of the date and it’s AWKWARD! Nick has no idea how to handle this.


Rachel talks about how much she hates group dates and doesn’t know how to handle all of this and wanted to go home partway through the day and didn’t want to come tonight. You can tell that he really cares for Rachel and is begging her to stay and just be patient with him. The other girls are crying and telling him how hard things are. Jasmine is spiraling out of control and I’m assuming alcohol has to be a factor, but she is tired of being overlooked.Jasmine kinda freaks out on him, but as she’s telling him it sucks and she wants his attention, I’m thinking she’s freaking out because she wants reassurance and wants to date a GUY not necessarily THIS GUY!

Nick keeps telling her to be honest, and she’s in tears, so how much more honest can she get? They are certainly not on the same page and Jasmine stop talking, pay attention to the body language and back away. Instead, she goes the opposite and doesn’t listen to me at all. She makes a joke about how she gets angry at him, wants to choke him and throw his ass down, he know looks over at producers and is terrified. She is now talking about she wants to choke him and making it sexual and he is the complete opposite of on board with that.


He tells her goodbye instead at this date and she is going home now instead of at the rose ceremony!

Alright, let’s get this surprise 2 on 1 date started. I’m shocked we have Boobs McGee on this date, I thought she was the front-runner. Both girls are going with bikinis and rompers with no sleeves and cut all the way to the belly button. We’ve got Whitney who we have no clue who she is and then Danielle. Your odds have to be good Danielle that you’re going to say.

We don’t have tarot cards or voodoo dolls. We have a helicopter ride to a beach. Whitney seems to be saying the right things. She wants to talk about their relationship, not anyone elses. He talks about how pretty she is, so there’s that relationship I guess.

Danielle and him are talking now, and Danielle is giggling again and just sayin “yeah” a lot. Nick is talking more than she is. She finally says things about how she could see her life with him. He shows he’s not our articulate Bachelor Ben. He leaves Danielle to go and talk to Whitney.

Whitney is sitting on one of the beds that are on the beach all around Bachelor in Paradise, so she’s getting her audition tape ready for that and she’ll do great there this summer. She gets rejected with basically “I find you super attractive, but my heart isn’t into it. I feel obligated to give this rose to Danielle.” Then when Whitney calls him out and says that they haven’t spent much time together and she was implying Boobs McGee may not be ready for a relationship, he got defensive and said this has nothing to do with Danielle, it has to do with their relationship.

Whitney gets left on the Beach when Danielle & Nick fly off. It isn’t as extreme as this 2 on 1, but I got more flashes of this date then I did during last week’s 2 on 1.

2 on 1

Now the girls are talking about how they have no idea where Nick’s head is at. Jasmine left during the date, and they don’t see Nick & Danielle ending up together.

We have the night portion of the date, and we have a strapless dress for Danielle. Believe it or not her girls are hidden, they’re still prominent in the dress as they’re holdin it up, but we don’t see her belly button! We’re in the oldest building in all of the island, an old fort that they’re navigating.

Nick does not appear to really be into this date. He is trying really hard. But these girls are not doing a great job of reading body language. I don’t think it’s a great sign to be talking about the past when you’ve only gone on 1 one-on-one date and have group dates. Talk about the future, get to know one another!!!

Nick’s words to describe what he’s looking for in this relationship is “raw & adventurous” oh honey…those words are not you! Her words were “love & trust.” And then she drops the “L-bomb” and even though she’s looking at him, she’s obviously not because he is so visibly uncomfortable that she should have never said anything! There is the LONGEST most uncomfortable silence ever! She giggles and tries to fill the silence and this is the WORST! He tells us that at the beginning he thought she’d be the one that he wanted at the end and wanted to fall in love with, however his heart isn’t feeling it. She’s finally catching on and it’s so bad. He’s tearing up and now crying, she is pained but manages to not cry until she gets to the car.

I have to say I’m shocked, I thought Danielle would be in our final 2 for sure, if not our winner. I cannot believe it at all that Danielle is going home right now! She’s gorgeous and seems to be his type, and pretty agreeable, so this is a shocking elimination, especially so early in the season! Some of these girls he’s kept are still surprising me.

They had to call the girls together to the living space so the security guy could come in and grab the suitcase and we could see the girls reactions. Nick is going in to talk to the girls. He doesn’t knock, he just barges in. The girls gasp as if it’s super shocking. Nick is in tears already. He talks about how optimistic that he was in his relationship with Danielle and how it fell flat and how his biggest fear is that the same thing could happen with these girls in this relationship. He says he doesn’t know if he can keep doing this, and then walks out the door on that note.

Next week is the day before Valentine’s Day, all the girls are concerned about Nick and wanting to make sure he is okay and are in tears for him, except Corrine who is going to use her sexual prowess to make him feel better, of course…

Alright, well dry up before Next week you all! We’re down to 6 girls, that was a productive episode, we really got to business. Means we’ll probably get to 4 and hometowns in 2 weeks, so buckle up, the journey is getting ready to end!

Until next week,



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